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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you find it strange if mother/daughter spend a lot of time together?

166 replies

user1490817986 · 28/05/2017 19:42

What would you think if you saw a childless single woman in her 20's always out with her mum - i'm talking every other day?

OP posts:

SheSaidHeSaid · 29/05/2017 16:21

I'd think it fine as long as the relationship isn't stopping either one having a life of their own.

I used to be friends with someone who was like this with her mum, lived together, holidayed together, spent a lot of time together and I could see the mum almost discouraging my friend from going out with people her age and going dating. I lost touch with her a couple of years ago, partly because of this (as I found her mum a bit of a pain for a few reasons) and whilst most of us lot have met people, some married, some kids, she hasn't even had a boyfriend.

BlondeGinger · 29/05/2017 16:25

You could be describing me. My mum and my sister are my best friends. I know for a lot of people, friends are better than their family, and I completely understand that, but for me, my family are the only ones that I can count on and that I know will always be there. We don't see each other every other day but at least twice a week and we all talk every day and go on holidays/days out together. I don't see what's wrong with it.

Thinkingofausername1 · 29/05/2017 17:23

Odd. I have a friend who is always with her parents. She is a similar age. They go on holiday, they are always round each other's houses. I feel a bit sorry for her dh and wonder if they get any time alone!!

Atenco · 29/05/2017 18:21

OP, I don't like socialising in groups either, but I do think you should be open to new friendships, not to replace your mother but as well as your mother.

BackforGood · 29/05/2017 18:28

I wouldn't particularly think anything of it, but if you were my dd, I would be encouraging you to widen your social circle. Doesn't have to be large crowds or groups of people, but I wouldn't want my dc to be dependent on me for their company, entertainment and support.

QueenFuri · 29/05/2017 18:31

I was extremely close to my mum before she passed. Before I had my DC I was at her house all day everyday when I moved out she visited me all day most days. She done so much for me and we never spent more than 10 days apart. I think it's lovely and normal.

ceceliajames · 29/05/2017 18:33

I see my Mum at least once a week, usually twice, with my DD. We go on weekends away together, although not really long holidays. I didn't feel especially close to her growing up but we have a fantastic relationship now, she is my best friend and the one person I can trust with everything and rely on for everything. My friends are a bit flakey and i don't have any friends with children. We speak every day at least once on the phone. Never thought it was strange.

Rockhopper81 · 29/05/2017 19:30

'Widen your social circle', 'be open to new friendships' - if it were as simple as that, everyone with ASD in the world would just decide to be more sociable and wouldn't have the difficulties they do, right?

It is exhausting for me to be around large groups of people. Or people I don't know. Or new people. This is not being difficult, this is not being awkward or shy, it's physically how it makes me feel. That's aside from the reasons for those feelings.

I have one very good friend - I consider her family and treat her as such - and a couple of other friends who I'm comfortable with. I don't have acquaintances as I simply don't know how to. I don't think it makes me lacking, it's just the way I am.

A little more understanding would make the world a mich nicer place to be in.

Flamingoprincess1212 · 29/05/2017 19:52

I see my mum and gran, as much as I can? Mum and I meet up of an evening to walk the dogs. I stop in on gran for a coffee, and every other Tuesday I don't start work til 12 and mum is a nurse and finishes her night at 430c so we go for brunch as a three. Sometimes just mum and gran go out, sometimes just me and mum or me and gran.
And I assume I'll hang out with them much more when I'm on Mat leave.
Not weird at all.

itsstillgood · 29/05/2017 20:25

I lost my mum in my early 20s and she was seriously ill from when I was 16 so our relationship was thrown off balance early on. But I would totally have the relationship you describe if all had been well and we lived close. No one understood me like my mum. The only other people I have ever felt anywhere near as close to are my mil (who sadly passed away too) as we shared hobbies and the understanding of life with her son (and my youngest who seems to have inherited nothing from me) and my eldest son as he is now of an age where it is more a relationship of equals and interests etc overlap. I do have many good none related friends too.

I think probably the relationship you describe would be seen as perfectly normal at any other point in history.

user1490465531 · 29/05/2017 20:36

only on netmums is it the norm to see parents once a month and inlaws twice a year.
Any more than that and your just weird.

MuncheysMummy · 29/05/2017 20:42

I've always spent a lot of time with my mum even before I had DS she's one of my closest friends as well as my mum. Not going to apologise for that or think for a moment it makes me weird,we are a close family and have been through a lot and it's made us appreciate each other and the strong support network we are lucky to have.

MuncheysMummy · 29/05/2017 20:44

Oh and it's not like I don't have other friends or options...I do but I make seeing and spending time with her a priority sometimes.

C0untDucku1a · 29/05/2017 20:49

I see my parents almost every day and we go on holiday as an extended family twice a year. I think it is perfectly normal in most of the world to spend a lot of time with extended family.

Dawndonnaagain · 29/05/2017 21:31

My mother is a dreadful, dreadful woman. I have barely seen her since I was sixteen.
My dds spend time with me. One has had to come home from university and I have to supervise her and organise her days otherwise she'd be in her room all day, every day. She's not well, I'm her carer. Anyone watching out for us would see that we spend considerable amounts of time together. Can't really see that anybody should be bothered/nosy enough to care. We're close and we enjoy one another's company.

Livelovebehappy · 29/05/2017 21:39

My daughter is 24 and lives at home. We go shopping or to the cinema together maybe once a week. She has a boyfriendand other close friends, but often asks if I'm free to spend time with her. In fact we are going on holiday together for a week this year as my DH and her BF are both working through the summer. I've never thought it odd ~ just happy we get on so well.

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