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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find it strange if mother/daughter spend a lot of time together?

166 replies

user1490817986 · 28/05/2017 19:42

What would you think if you saw a childless single woman in her 20's always out with her mum - i'm talking every other day?

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 28/05/2017 20:26

have, not had.

LockedOutOfMN · 28/05/2017 20:27

If I lived near my mother I would love to do this. This thread makes me want to move "home".

barrygetamoveonplease · 28/05/2017 20:28

I'd think it was normal.

forfuckssakenet · 28/05/2017 20:30

This seems totally normal to me. I saw my mum as much as possible and we text constantly. I lost her 10 months ago and would give almost anything to have her back. A close mother daughter relationship is an absolute blessing imo.

corythatwas · 28/05/2017 20:31

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday Sun 28-May-17 20:00:10
"well you haven't given us much info to go on.

Do they spend all day everyday, with each other and don't have any other friends?

Or do they go out with each other, every other day and do other things in between?"

This. There's co-dependency and inability to form relationships with other people. And then there is just getting on and having shared interests.

ChrisPrattsFace · 28/05/2017 20:31

Are you going to give us the reasons your're asking OP? or where you just starting a debate?

AmIthatbloodycold · 28/05/2017 20:32

Well my DD is nearly 18 and we go everywhere and do everything together

She has no friends so if she's not doing things with me, then she's not doing things

Not that it matters but she has ASN and LD and most of the time wants to either hold my hand, or link arms.

Why do you ask

newnoo · 28/05/2017 20:32

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

WaitrosePigeon · 28/05/2017 20:32

I'd be jealous.

Waltermittythesequel · 28/05/2017 20:33

I think it's fine. Normal!

Megbert · 28/05/2017 20:34

It wouldn't occur to me to mind.

There's nothing strange about it if they are both happy.

ThreeForAPound · 28/05/2017 20:34

I live near my Mum and see her most days, plus we talk on the phone and whatsapp each other loads. We socialise together, too - theatre, cinema, meals out etc. I love her!

ontherightpath · 28/05/2017 20:35

Nothing strange about this at all. They might like each others company & get along really well.

twattymctwatterson · 28/05/2017 20:37

What on earth is odd about a woman being close to her mum?

Sallystyle · 28/05/2017 20:37

I have no wish to be my daughter's best friend. I'm her parent and we're close but a best friend relationship is something different imo.

My daughter's are 10 and 8. At this point I don't want to be their friend either. But when they are adults? I would love to think I will have the relationship with them that I do with my mum.

My mum is my mum and best friend. I don't need to her to parent me anymore. I am 36 with five children and our relationship has turned into one of friendship. Yes, she is my mum but there isn't anything I can't tell her. What I talk about with my friends is what I would talk about with my mum. I realise that may be unusual but I wouldn't want it any other way.

I am very lucky to have what I have with my mum. That unconditional love and friendship is something very special. Why wouldn't I want to spend as much time as I can with someone I love so much?

justdontevenfuckingstart · 28/05/2017 20:37

I saw dd1 who is 20 on monday, we went to a garden centre. She was over today, we did shopping together and some gardening. She is coming over again on Tuesday and we are going to a farm and then to the pub for lunch.
We love each other and enjoy being together. She is a wonderful person and we like spending time together.

lalalalyra · 28/05/2017 20:39

I have this kind of relationship with my MIL atm. My husband works away often and FIL recently went into a care home. My friends all work, most if MIL's friends work or have caring commitments.

DH's cousin has a similar relationship with his Dad (both widowed young) and no one bats an eyelid at them being mates as well as father & son.

LaLegue · 28/05/2017 20:39

What's she doing at home all day long just doesn't she have a job or a college course to go to? Confused

Herewegogo · 28/05/2017 20:41

LaLegue she could be on annual leave, could be half term/study leave from a course, could be out of work at the moment? Why are people finding it so odd that people have spare time on this thread?!

justdontevenfuckingstart · 28/05/2017 20:41

U2 that is exactly what I have with my girls, 19 & 20. I am 42 and mum 67. Nobody is parenting anymore, we all of us are close friends. We are very lucky.

Tonkatol · 28/05/2017 20:41

My mum suffered from multiple sclerosis and was wheelchair bound by the time I was 11 and more or less housebound by the time I left school. When I moved into my own flat at 21, my parents lived between my flat and my work so, I would pop in about three nights a week and would call every day.

Once I got married and had DD1, I would visit my parents several days a week and continued to call daily - my mum was unable to do much but she loved me and my DD and enjoyed watching her grow and begin to interact.

Soon after I had DS, my parents moved to the next village to ours; unfortunately my mum died six months later and never got to meet DD2 and DD3.

Our relationship wasn't a carer/patient one, simply a mother/daughter relationship. My DM was never able to physically help me with my DC but provided me with confidence that I was doing the right thing. I would have loved the opportunity to go places with my mum, but more than anything, I loved our chats, sometimes serious, sometimes comical.

For those who do have a close relationship with DM or DD, providing it is not to the exclusion of other relationships, I would say enjoy every minute - you never know when it may be snatched away.

nicp123 · 28/05/2017 20:42

Close and supportive mother-daughter relationship. Lovely!

JaceLancs · 28/05/2017 20:42

I'd think it was lovely too
DD 25 lives with her fiancé in the next village to me
Some weeks I might not see her for 4-5 days other weeks might see her 4-5 times depending on her shifts and my work commitments
We go to gym or swim 2-3 times a week, go to SW together and sometimes go clothes shopping n for a coffee
DD goes on holiday with her fiancé but occasionally with me as he doesn't get as generous a holiday allowance as us
We are all going on holiday together this year including DS and possibly my DP probably book a villa somewhere - but we won't be tied together the whole time we're there!
We all have plenty of friends and are quite sociable so don't get the implication that a close mother and daughter relationship would preclude this
I also have a close relationship with DS in fact we've spent the day out together today clothes shopping for his new job
I am going away on holiday with DP soon so won't get chance to see either of them for a week or so

weebarra · 28/05/2017 20:47

As long as they're not together to the exclusion of all else, I think it's lovely.
Although we don't live close enough to see each other daily, my mum and I are good friends. We spend time together, go out for meals and exhibitions together, it's really nice.
I had cancer three years ago and she was amazing, and I've supported her too. She wasn't at all close to her mum and she's told me how happy she is that we have the relationship that we do.

justdontevenfuckingstart · 28/05/2017 20:47

LaLegue Actually she's a chef who works 80 hours a week. She's just left one restaurant and is going back to another on Thursday that wanted her to work with them (top 200 hundred restaurants in the world if you want to check out a few articles)

She's taken a break between jobs if that's okay with you.