Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find it strange if mother/daughter spend a lot of time together?

166 replies

user1490817986 · 28/05/2017 19:42

What would you think if you saw a childless single woman in her 20's always out with her mum - i'm talking every other day?

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 28/05/2017 21:28

It really doesn't matter what other people think as long as you and your mum are ok and happy user

Bloomed · 28/05/2017 21:33

Everyone has their own normal OP.

TakeThatFuckingDressOffNow · 28/05/2017 21:36

Who cares what other people think OP!!! It's a wonderful thing to have a good quality relationship with your mother. I do and I feel very lucky, but I can see that some of my friends etc don't get it. Also have a look at a book written by Susie Orbach called "what women want" It's v interesting, talks about women / friendship family relationships which are varied and valid as a source of emotional support (not that we should seek to validate anything to anyone else!!!)

NicolasFlamel · 28/05/2017 21:37

I am similar but with my dad. If I don't see him we call each other, sometimes more than once a day! I don't care what anyone else thinks of it. We're always laughing together and I enjoy his company over most other people I know. A lot of my friends have said they wish they had that type of relationship with their dad.

newtlover · 28/05/2017 21:39

If it works for you both then fine, BUT I think it would be better for you both in the long run if you had a wider circle of friends. Maybe you could go to a group together (one to do with a hobby you both enjoy?) and that way you could form some new relationships in a safe environment?

TinselTwins · 28/05/2017 21:40

Thanks all. I have autism and the daughter in the OP is me. I'm very close to my mum but also co-dependent because I struggle to live a normal life. I'm worried that people think I'm weird sometimes because I only have my mum who I trust

OP it's really impossible to say without knowing you both. It might be a wonderful relationship, or it may be that leaning on your mum has knocked your confidence in your ability to go it alone sometimes.

It's only "co-dependant" if your mum likes you to "need" to be dependant on her IYKWIM x

TinselTwins · 28/05/2017 21:42

Generally speaking (I don't know your individual circumstances/needs):

Fine to see a lot of your mum if you LIKE seeing a lot of your mum
Not so healthy to see a lot of your mum if you are seeing her all the time out of fear of being alone/independant

mynotsoperfectlife · 28/05/2017 21:43

I find it odd people find it odd.

Yes, when your kids are little you have to sometimes be their parent, not a friend, but I hope by the time mine are adults we ARE friends!

BadPoet · 28/05/2017 21:43

My daughter is younger than you, but also has autism and we spend a lot of time together.

I thoroughly enjoy spending time with her, she is funny, intelligent and great company and neither of us care whether other people think it is 'weird' or not.

However she, like you, definitely also has issues with trusting people beyond her very small circle. This is understandable as she has been let down by some people in her life. Sadly, autism is still not as well understood as it should or could be. I am sorry if this has also been the case for you.

It's my hope for her that she is able to trust more people as she grows older, but equally if she were to live with us forever and spend the majority of her time with family then that would be fine. It is not for anyone else to decide what will be a happy and comfortable lifestyle for her, or for you.

agentmarmalade · 28/05/2017 21:46

In answer to your question, I don't think it is strange for mum and grown up daughter to always be together. It's not the sort of thing I'd judge.

Cellardoor23 · 28/05/2017 21:51

Op, there is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your mum. I haven't had any experience with autism myself, but imo, it's completely normal to want to spend time with your family if you have a close relationship surely?

I would give anything to have my mum back. I lost her a couple of years ago and we were very close. She was my best friend. Honestly, I don't think it's strange at all.

faithinthesound · 28/05/2017 21:58

I don't spend that much time with my mom, because logistics, but I would if I could. My mom is cool! She's so damn funny, we end up in hysterics every time we hang out. We have a lot of fun, and I genuinely do like spending time with her.

I'm not going to be all Baby Spice and claim that she's my best friend, but I certainly never went through that period most teens seem to go through where they won't be seen in public with their mother. I never could understand that, when I would see it on TV, teens trying to avoid spending time with their mothers.

EleanorRigbysNeice · 28/05/2017 22:07

OP, sending Flowers for now. I shall get back to you tomorrow.

furryelephant · 28/05/2017 22:10

I don't see why it should matter. I have a 6 month old so on mat leave, and I live with my mum. We tend to find time to walk the dogs together if we can. I didn't live at home for 5 years so perfectly capable of being independent etc, but if one of us needs to pop to town or something we both tend to go too. Personally I'd wonder why anyone gave a shit that I was out with my mum every day! Equally, if one of us is busy it's a complete non issue.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that it's absolutely sod all of anyone else's business who does what with who.

jarhead123 · 28/05/2017 22:22

Do they not work?

QuestionARhino · 28/05/2017 22:32

Mid 20's here and spend a lot of time with my mum. In fact we work in the same building but different departments so have lunch together nearly every working day too. Slightly different in that I'm in a relationship and have a baby on the way but DP works weekends so maybe every other weekend mum and I go shopping or to a food festival or something. And I'd probably go on holiday with her once a year if I didn't have DP ¯\(ツ)/¯ NBD to me really, it's not weird.

QuestionARhino · 28/05/2017 22:34

Just saw your update OP, you carry on as you are. We have an awesome friendship no strange looks or anything. A lot of colleagues are surprised we get on as well as we do and often comment they could never work with their kids, which we find surprising, but to each their own!

justnippingin · 28/05/2017 22:39

I'd think it nice and I'd wonder why I felt need to question it!

Lisa9819 · 28/05/2017 22:42

I don't know. I see my mom all the time. Might be unhealthy, but she likes to cook, bring me food, do monotonous things like shopping trips and markets with me.., even prior to having kids. I'd be going alone (I like doing things on my own) if it weren't for her coming. I usually do "fun things" like drinks, restaurants, nights out with friends... my mom and Is relationship is not a typical mother/daughter relationship though. she was never really a "mom" when I was young.. more like the cool older sister who let me throw parties and etc (she's a straight hippie to this day), so has never tried forcing her opinions or dictating my life in any way so is easy to be around. She is great now that I have DCs... very chill and supportive even when it's not benefitting her most.
So like me, maybe your friend just has a really cool relationship with her mom?

IloveBanff · 28/05/2017 22:52

Lisa9819 the OP is the daughter, not her friend.

mrsrumplestiltskin · 28/05/2017 23:18

I can't understand anyone who thinks it could be 'odd' to be close to your mam/mum and that it would be weird if she were your best friend.

I'm very close to my mam - we speak on the phone everyday, meet up at least 3-4 times a week to go shopping, lunch etc. I work full-time but will always make time for my mam. I have lots of friends and consider myself quite 'normal' Wink

I cherish my relationship with her - she's my rock and now she's nearing 80 I have nitemares about being without her x

CrispyBathTowel · 28/05/2017 23:26

It's not unusual where I come from imo (NI)

TheRealPooTroll · 28/05/2017 23:38

If the mother/daughter are happy with the situation I'd think it was none of anyone elses business. I'm not close to my parents but know plenty of fully independent adults who see their parents every day.

Ravenblack · 28/05/2017 23:55

I think it's sweet.

Ravenblack · 28/05/2017 23:56

I would think anyone who has a problem with an adult woman spending a lot of time with her mother, going shopping, and out for meals, and going on holiday with her etc, is jealous.

Anyone making negative comments about it comes across as bitter and envious and frankly, a bit spiteful.

And no, I DON'T find it 'strange' I find it sweet. And just because a young woman has a close relationship with her mother, that doesn't mean she doesn't have close relationships with other people!

The world would be a better place if everyone had a relationship like this with their parents.