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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you find it strange if mother/daughter spend a lot of time together?

166 replies

user1490817986 · 28/05/2017 19:42

What would you think if you saw a childless single woman in her 20's always out with her mum - i'm talking every other day?

OP posts:
LilaBard · 29/05/2017 00:07

Not weird at all. I am early 30s and spend most of my time with my mum. She is carer for my dad so I like to see her every day to give her a break or take her out. In fact, I prefer spending time with my siblings to depending time with other people too. Someone once told me it was strange but he only had 1 sister and hadn't spoken to her in months, which I found hard to grasp. Some families actually enjoy each other's company! As long as you are both happy with the time you spend together OP, doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Other people are over rated!

LilaBard · 29/05/2017 00:09

Also want to second crispybathtowel I am in NI too and spending loads of time with your mammy is totally normal here

Rockhopper81 · 29/05/2017 00:20

I spend a lot of time with my mum - I'd like her as a person, even if she wasn't my mum, if that makes sense?

I don't know if people think it's odd or not and - frankly - I don't really care too much. I have Aspergers and need my mum to help me with certain things in social contexts, or in large groups. I am perfectly capable of living independently - until recently, anyway (long story for another time!) - but I find things easier with her support.

We just really enjoy each others company, simple as that. Smile

buttercup54321 · 29/05/2017 00:25

I think its lovely.

hellokittymania · 29/05/2017 00:42

No, I wouldn't think it would be strange. And if people say anything, it's none of their business. They aren't paying for the holidays, or bills, so just ignore them.

Willyoujustbequiet · 29/05/2017 01:38

I'd think it lovely and view the people who think it odd as weird themselves.

I wish I had that sort of relationship with mine.

Atenco · 29/05/2017 02:19

You don't have to trust anyone yet, but you should start to widen your circle of acquaintainces, OP, then gradually you learn who you can trust for what and turn them into friends.

EnidButton · 29/05/2017 02:21

what a horrible thread and the potential to make people feel odd or feel bad.

I agree with this. Not the opening post or starting it, but some of the answers.

I find it utterly odd and baffling why anyone would think it was weird or unhealthy. Don't understand that at all.

I live away from where my DM lives so I don't see her all the time and we don't go on holiday together, but we're close.

Where I'm from, women being with their Mums is very very common. Is this a North/South thing maybe? I don't know. Just trying to understand such a weird point of view that makes someone think it means there's co dependency or some such bollocks. Confused

Not everyone has loads of friends for various valid reasons, so having someone they can trust and be themselves around is important, if that's their Mum then so be it. It's a nice, normal thing.

I think Raven is right. Is it jealousy or what?

EnidButton · 29/05/2017 02:24

Basically, you carry on OP. Take no notice of anyone why thinks it's weird. They are the ones who are weird.

PonyPals · 29/05/2017 06:43

I saw my mum every day when I was childless and now that I have DS I still see her every day. I love hanging out with her and she is my best friend. I am also close to my dad and all 4 of us (including my DH) have gone on a number of holidays and have really enjoyed them.
I feel so glad to have such an amazing and supportive relationship with my parents and hope to provide the same for my DC.

LarrytheCucumber · 29/05/2017 06:47

Apparently in Hull it is odd not to spend a lot of time with your Mum.
Does it matter what people choose to do?

EleanorRigbysNeice · 29/05/2017 10:41

There are some very unkind comments on this thread and a woeful lack of understanding of the autistic condition. It often isnt the case to just get out there and broaded the number of people you trust/enjoy being with. I know that my son, who is intelligent and articulate with a quirky sense of humour has tried (oh Lord, has he tried!) to "mix". But try as he might, he doesn't "get it" and, people dont "get" him. He has, for the time being, all but given up, as it is so immensely stressful.

If a person found it difficult to walk a tightrope every day and just kept falling off, and got no pleasure whatsoever from doing it then it might be reasonable to give up that activity or at least do it less and less frequently. That's often how it is for me (I'm a late diagnosed Aspie). I had a career in the NHS as a nurse (Staff nurse and 15 yrs a junior then senior Sister). I "function" well. I am engaging and sociable to a point. I've few friends and many acquaintances; it is exhausting to be around people socially too much.

OP, there's nothing odd sbout your situation. For many people, it is "odd" those socially adept folks who genuinely need a miriad of relationships. Some people don't. I have two friends I can call close and beyond that, I have my mum and sister. We are "close" and I feel utterly "safe" with them. I have tried to broaden my world, joined things which proved to be too exhausting to keep up, in the long run.

You are not odd OP. It's not weird. There are loads of us out there 😊

Would you find it strange if mother/daughter spend a lot of time together?
AntigoneJones · 29/05/2017 10:42

i would think it was strange and as someone else has said, some kind of co dependent relationship, tbh.

AmIthatbloodycold · 29/05/2017 10:51

Just seen your update

You are just like my DD

If people think we're strange then that's their problem

BTW I would be delighted if she spent time with friends, but she doesn't actually have any so she's got me Hmm

BlondeB83 · 29/05/2017 11:06

I'd think they had a lovely relationship.

TrinityTaylor · 29/05/2017 11:09

Not strange at all, only on mumsnet people think even living near your parents and getting on with them is odd, and heaven forbid you get on with your MIL or let her look after your kids without a fifty page instruction booklet on the exact amount of organic quinoa they can feed little Xerxes or whatever

Its apparently fine to have no friends and not go out a though, and lots of posters seem proud of their anti-social tendencies. Also a lot of posters seem do literally everything with their DH or DP and call them their best friend.

LittleBooInABox · 29/05/2017 12:16

I used to go clubbing with my mum! She had me young. To me she's like a best friend, always there for me! So I spend a lot of time with her.

We talk 2-3 times a day too.

user1490817986 · 29/05/2017 12:35

Thank you everyone. I'm off out to get ice cream with my mum, then for a walk Smile

EleanorRigby Thank you, I find socialising exhausting, especially in groups or with very chatty people. I wish I had a sister, I have an older brother but I know he'd never look out for me or anything Sad

OP posts:
Rockhopper81 · 29/05/2017 12:40

EleanorRigbysNeice - thank you, thank you, thank you for that! I thought it was just me that thought there were comments that were lacking in understanding, so didn't want to say anything in case I'd got the wrong impression (again).

AntigoneJones - I'm sorry you view it that way, I think it speaks more about you than the OP.

defineme · 29/05/2017 12:45

I am twice your age and my Mum lives with me, I am often out walking the dog or whatever with her. I hope my ds1 (who has asd) continues to live with me and enjoy spending time with me. Try not to care what people may or may not think. If you are happy then stick with it.

AmysTiara · 29/05/2017 12:57

I think it's nice. I see a lot of my mum. I also have a family of my own, work part time and have plenty of friends.

Can't see why people think it's odd

CrispyBathTowel · 29/05/2017 13:23

I'm hoping when I older DD will still want to spend a lot of time with me. She's only 10 months old so she currently doesn't have much choice in the matter Grin

EleanorRigbysNeice · 29/05/2017 14:30

User1490etc you're welcome 😉 I've just gotten home from a yomp with the dog. There's a woman who, each time we meet up with our walks, we chat, have laugh, generally chew the cud, so to speak. She may think it odd that we keep saying "we must meet up for a coffee" and we never do. It doesn't damage the "friendship" we DO have each time we meet out and about but, there IS a reason for my not taking her up on it. Probably a reason for HER too, for all I know!

User, someone on here recommended a site to me "The Girl with the Curly Hair Project". A LOT of her stuff resonates for me. Have a look on Facebook or on her site.

zukiecat · 29/05/2017 14:52

My DD2 (24) still lives at home with me

We both have friends, but DD and me spend as much time together as possible, shopping, meals out, cinema as often as we can and when we can afford it

I've never thought it weird, and I really couldn't care less if others do

SuperFlyHigh · 29/05/2017 15:05

I was engaged at 21 and living away from home but up until then although I had friendships, I was introverted, shy etc. I regularly used to go with my parents to their holiday home on the south coast at weekends. I also worked however.

When I turned 25 I did meet a close friend and my life turned round (met another close friend), I socialised a lot with both of them separately, moved out and had more partners.

But I did move home again late 20s for about 2 years to save for a deposit on a flat.

A few of my and my mum's friends have said they envy my close relationship with my mum. Even now I see her a few times a week if I can and at least twice a month at weekends if I can. She was also seriously ill and almost died last winter so even more poignant.

If this works for you OP then that's fine. Nothing is wrong with you!