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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find it strange if mother/daughter spend a lot of time together?

166 replies

user1490817986 · 28/05/2017 19:42

What would you think if you saw a childless single woman in her 20's always out with her mum - i'm talking every other day?

OP posts:
ChrisPrattsFace · 28/05/2017 19:53

You have just described me, or almost described me.
My mum is one of the most important people in the world to me, and i wouldn't change our relationship at all.

Yes i have a fully functioning relationship with my DH. So doe she with my Dad.
No i am not her carer, nor is she mine.
Neither of us have had trouble making friends.

lastqueenofscotland · 28/05/2017 19:54

I know someone like this in their late twenties who doesn't socialise at all, just goes to various places with their mum. Is very infantilised too.

I think it's very very odd and in the case I'm referencing, really unhealthy.

bailz · 28/05/2017 19:55

I see my Mam about 3-4 times a week. We go shopping, cinema, restaurants, bars or just coffee. She's my best friend!
Btw I'm married with children too

user1487854472 · 28/05/2017 19:55

I don't understand these co-dependency comments. Why can't you have a close relationship with your mum, rely on her, and for that to be a healthy relationship? I would say that me and my mum have a very good relationship, nothing unhealthy there!

slothqueen · 28/05/2017 19:55

I see my mum most days. Sometimes it's a brief call in to drop something off or collect her dog for a walk others we'll have a meal or she'll play with my daughter.
We have our own friends and separate social life but get on really well. She's helpful and gives good advice and she loves my daughter to bits. I wouldn't have it any other way. One day she won't be around and I'll miss her terribly.
I will add that although we live very close to each other she never calls around unannounced and respects mine and my partners family time and the way we bring up our daughter. I would feel differently if she was overbearing or opinionated I'm sure.

3littlebadgers · 28/05/2017 19:56

So sorry kookie Flowers

MrsJayy · 28/05/2017 19:58

I remember people commenting on a thread about Scarlett Moffat being to close to her mum because she was 26 not 16 I thought what a strange way to think,

MissWilmottsGhost · 28/05/2017 19:59

My DM and DB were inseparable 'best friends' until DB was 40. It wasn't healthy for either of them.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 28/05/2017 20:00

Confused well you haven't given us much info to go on.

Do they spend all day everyday, with each other and don't have any other friends?

Or do they go out with each other, every other day and do other things in between?

littlejeopardy · 28/05/2017 20:00

I would think that they are like me. I see my mum 3 to 4 times a week. We both work part time and live close to each other. You can have a close relationship with your mum and still have other friends too, it's not a problem.

ShastaBeast · 28/05/2017 20:01

It depends on the context. If they lived together, very common these days due to house prices, and walked to the bus/train together to go to their respective work places, that would be very normal. Although I wouldn't know if they were mother and child.

VelvetSpoon · 28/05/2017 20:02

I'd be out with my mum every day if i could, sadly she died when i was 21. I wish I'd had the opportunity to spend time with her in my 20s.

Googlieyes · 28/05/2017 20:03

How can this be seen as odd? I would think it's lovely that they are so close. Why can't a mum and daughter be best friends too? If I lived nearer my mum I would likely pop in to see her most days, go for walks, shop together etc.

DoubleCarrick · 28/05/2017 20:05

@frouby are you related to me Confused my aunt seriously gives my cousin no space. It's not good for her in the slightest especially as it's to the exclusion of all others

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2017 20:05

Why do you ask?

MyFavouriteName · 28/05/2017 20:07

Nope, not weird.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 28/05/2017 20:07

I'd wonder why neither had a job and would find it a bit weird that the younger one didn't prefer hanging out with her own friends.

Herewegogo · 28/05/2017 20:10

Why is everyone assuming they are both unemployed? They may be retired or work part time, or they may just see each other after work for an hour?

LaLegue · 28/05/2017 20:12

As much as I love to spend time with my young adult children, if they chose to spend most of their free time with me rather than with friends of their own age I'd be sad for them and worried for them. Being close it one thing, being joined at the hip is not normal. It means they are not living the life they should be.

BluePeppers · 28/05/2017 20:16

It depends, what do you call spending a lot of time together?

A holiday every year, great! I used to do that with my mum until quite recently.

MsMims · 28/05/2017 20:17

Why are you interested op? Are you one of the women or a nosy bystander?

My DM is one of my best friends and I see her most days. I think it's lovely to be so close and hope if I have a daughter we can enjoy the same type of relationship.

justpeachy74 · 28/05/2017 20:19

I wish my mum and I had had that kind of relationship. It improved after I turned 30 and had dc1 but she was quite old and not very mobile by then. She passed away when dc1 turned one. 😞

TrueColors · 28/05/2017 20:20

It's healthy and nice to have a close, loving relationship with your mum. I have a life but I genuinely enjoy spending time with my mum. We both enjoy good food and like similar restaurants. We differ in many ways but we have a laugh when we do things that we both enjoy. I'm sitting in her house, both just chilling and watching TV, not really chatting or anything.

Call me weird for it. I'll call you weird for thinking it because I'm a fully functioning member of society who just happens to sometimes enjoy time with her mum.

Aartappel · 28/05/2017 20:22

I don't think it's odd in the least. I was never close to my parents growing up (boarding schools, uni in another country etc), and not too long ago I bought a house that happens to be in close proximity to them.

My current DP works long hours as do I, and we don't always get to have lunch/dinner breaks at the same time. So what happens now is me ringing up my mum for lunch/dinner whenever I don't have client lunches/dinners, meals with DP, or meals with colleagues. That works out to probably about 4 meals a week.

If someone thinks this is unusual or worse, unhealthy, I have no words.Confused

Sallystyle · 28/05/2017 20:25

That they had a very special relationship like I have with my mum.

I don't see her that much anymore because she moved away and can no longer pop over after work. Plus I now work too.

I used to see her every day and I loved it. I now speak to her every day on the phone and I miss not seeing her daily. We have never been co-dependant and we both have social lives that don't involve the other.

We have an amazing relationship and it is healthy.