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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Womans aid isn't open who else can I ring? (Posting for traffic)

174 replies

Queenofthestress · 28/05/2017 06:09

Womans aid isn't open on weekends, it's says Monday - Friday on the website, who else can I ring?
Posting on here for traffic & because some of you have read my previous threads

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 30/05/2017 18:00

Well done you OP! Fantastic !! Keep us updated so we can give advice and cheer you on! You won't regret this Flowers

SparklyMagpie · 30/05/2017 18:01

*advise

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 30/05/2017 21:08

I think he's just text me off a friend's phone saying 'why??'

OP posts:
ArchieStar · 30/05/2017 21:09

Because he's a class A dick that's why!!! AngryAngryAngry stay strong OP, you got this!!!

prettywhiteguitar · 30/05/2017 22:14

Log it and don't engage, he's still trying to get you to talk to him cause he thinks he can talk you round. Block the friend but keep the text to show the police he's still hassling you.

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 30/05/2017 23:11

5 hours later and I'm still packing his shit up, I've spoken to shared friend because she wanted to see if I was okay, he was round theres last night and ended up getting a few home truths instead of the sympathy he wanted,

I've kept the text and I'm going to wait to see what else he sends before I call the police (for the 5th time these past couple days)

Thank you everyone for your support, I honestly don't know what would have happened if I didn't have you guys to keep me strong xx

OP posts:
forgottenusername · 30/05/2017 23:23

Queen, I've just seen this thread for the first time - well done you! :) Stay strong and don't be afraid to keep calling the Police if you need them

Twillow · 30/05/2017 23:29

Keep your distance. You will be amazed how your head starts to clear and you actually begin to start enjoying life once you have some time without him. You won't want him back. Life 'without eggshells' is a life again, not always second guessing what's coming next...
Hgs

BertieBotts · 30/05/2017 23:41

Wow OP - you're doing fantastically.

Are you safe tonight?

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 30/05/2017 23:46

My friend from down the road is staying over, I'm little one free incase anything happens because I'm pretty sure he's probably getting drunk at the friends house and might come back here

His mum wants contact with the youngest but I've asked my sister to sort it out with her because I feel guilty as hell still so I know I'm not going to make a rational decision
What gets me is that he didn't even mention his daughter until yesterday, and that was after asking for his stuff back

OP posts:
pipsqueak25 · 30/05/2017 23:50

good for queen you truly are inspirational with your determination to see this through. it's good your sister can speak on your behalf, especially when there is lots to sort out.
please keep us in the loop for as long as you need / feel you want to, you are never alone on mn ! Smile

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 30/05/2017 23:51

I've realised that I can actually see my friends without him kicking off, holy hell xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenofthestress · 30/05/2017 23:52

This feels slightly odd guys 😂 my neighbour also realised that hes gone and her first words were thank fuck, he was a wrong'un!

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenofthestress · 30/05/2017 23:55

pipsqueak25 every time I feel myself crumbling, I re-read this thread, must have read it about 20 times today, not gonna lie haha

OP posts:
PurpleDragon76 · 30/05/2017 23:58

Sounds like the clouds are lifting and yoi are seeing more clearly now. Someone who loves you wants your happiness and well being.

I wouldn't have you or any family member engage with him or his mother. She has no rights to see your child, she can parent the shit one she has!

BertieBotts · 31/05/2017 00:36

Let everything cool off before you arrange any contact with your XMIL. She won't implode if she doesn't see her grandchild, and they won't forget her, for the sake of a few weeks while you wait for things to settle. It's too risky at the moment because if she takes him to your ex and he's on the birth certificate, legally, the police do not have to bring her back. It does not sound like you can trust her.

Once things are settled, get to court, get a residence order, and then you can think about contact (though PurpleDragon is right, legally she has no rights in this area, so the ball is in your court.) Until things are more stable, stay firm. Record everything. Ignore any emotional pleas about "keeping my [grand]child from me!" Keep reminding yourself: It's not you who has caused this, it's his behaviour which has caused this, you're only doing what is necessary to keep your children safe.

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 31/05/2017 00:45

He's not on the birth certificate thank god, I think she's going to tell her it's a contact center or nothing

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 31/05/2017 06:51

Still, it can wait until emotions are less raw. She's already told you that she intends to take your DD away so precautions are only fair.

You might want to look into what's required for use of a contact centre.

Supersoaryflappypigeon · 31/05/2017 07:26

Wow queen-you're truly amazing. Well done Flowers

pdjimjams · 31/05/2017 07:35

Well done OP - stay strong. FlowersBrew

prettywhiteguitar · 31/05/2017 09:37

Oh my god you have gone so well !!! You should be proud of yourself. You are protecting yourself and your children from a man who is only bothered about himself and has a nasty personality, they don't need that in their lives.

Also you won't believe how many people will tell you how they didn't like him anyway Hmm like I wish you'd told me that before! Apparently my dad had always not liked my ex, I was peed off as he never said anything....

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 31/05/2017 09:50

I've already had 3 people say they either thought we'd spilt up soon or they didn't like him
My best friend sent - 'I think this is your lucky escape, he is lazy and inconsiderate never have I once had you tell me about a nice thing he's done for you, or him helping you out, you deserve a partner not a lodger xx'
It's onwards and upwards!

OP posts:
prettywhiteguitar · 31/05/2017 17:42

It's great you have all these people around you, you really need them when you're going through stuff like this.

How long were you together?

picklemepopcorn · 31/05/2017 17:50

You are doing so well, Queen, and you have all those RL people cheering you on, too! HOoray!!

Original poster
Queenofthestress · 31/05/2017 18:39

We were together a year an half, he'd always had sulks and a bit of shouting about once every couple of months, nothing that I would have classed as over the top, hell I occasionally get shouty (never ever at the kids ever)

But since the youngest was born he'd started drinking more, flipping out over silly stuff, swearing at me, calling me names during him flipping out, sleeping all day and just generally ignoring the kids
I know he's autistic but I can't justify his behaviour because of that at all, my brothers autistic and he stopped behaving like that after puberty and so did my cousin who's severely aspergers

OP posts: