I know I'm BU but I'm fed up of DH

[theclick]

DH's friends come round whenever there is an F1 race on as we have a decent TV to watch it on. I hate it when they come over. They eat all the food, leave all their mess in the sink and generally one of them then doesn't leave as he has nothing else to do. I'm pregnant and hormonal and I iust read in his watsapp that he has invited them again.

I'm over this! I do not want to come back to a messy house, with one of them still loitering. I also asked him to come shopping with me tomorrow as I'm sick of carrying heavy bags on my own and he refused. He is obsessed with the races and I honestly feel like hitting him over the head with a frying pan.

Chloe84 do you actually know what a sociopath is or is that your long word for today? I think it's quite rude to call somebody one.

I can assure you I'm not a sociopath. I just can't be doing with controlling women who want everything their own way.

I can assure you I'm not a sociopath. I just can't be doing with controlling women who want everything their own way.

Are you off your head? I get annoyed because DH doesn't get his mates to clear up after themselves/does it himself and you make this statement? DH admits himself he likes things his own way. Our house has bee decorated jointly by myself and him. Hes been very involved in things like this- I assure you if I was the control freak you think I am he wouldn't have chosen much. But I realise neither one of us owns the control.

No theclick in your original post, you were annoyed because he wanted to invite his mates round for the race but you wanted to go to the supermarket. All I did (along with a lot of other posters) was point out that the supermarket will be there before or after the race. It isn't imperative that your shopping is done at 1pm every second Sunday.

WomblingThree it will be my family's business when our food shop is done thanks.

You claim to hate controlling people but you seem to spend a hell of a lot of time dictating to people on the internet!

YANBU OP. Sounds like your DH has shaped up a bit now though.

"the other day when my BFF was worried about me crossing a busy road I told her to stop worrying! Other women would have relished in that. I don't even have a bloody baby on board badge."

This, however, is weird.

You think that some women would enjoy being told not to cross a road?

I didn't had a Baby On Board badge either, it's not unusual.

DeadGood I think you're reading too much in to my phrasing. I mean come on, of course some women enjoy people protecting them, and the attention. Not all, but some do.

@theclick off topic but tell me more about what's in your watermelon and feta salad pls

And I want to know what "gumming" is!

what's in your watermelon and feta salad pls

I'll give you two guesses

Ha ha that's basically it but this is the recipe I followed first time I did it. Now I cut out the parsley as I don't love it
www.nigella.com/recipes/watermelon-feta-and-black-olive-salad

"of course some women enjoy people protecting them, and the attention. Not all, but some do."

Yes, but you seem a little too pleased with yourself for not being "one of THOSE women", when actually those women are quite rare.

Not having a go - but it might be something to think about. I know you were saying this stuff in the context of other commenters and the shopping bag thing, but still.

More fool you for marrying a sexist, misogynistic man child!
He's basically moved from living with his real mum to another 'mother figure' who will martyr herself at his temple

How do you love and respect a 'man' who behaves like him?

Your domestic chores are skewered in his favour with you doing more than your fair share.....whilst he can pick and choose when/if he does his.
I bet he also wriggles out of doing his FAIR share of parenting/housework once your dc arrives.

You married him knowing he was a lazy nobhead, then you decided it was a good idea to have a baby with him before sorting out the domestic issues and responsibilities?

Soon you will be financially dependent on him and an easier doormat to walk over.

Why do you allow him to disrespect you?

I mean honestly couldntmakethisshitup you've kind of gone a step too far with your imagination there.

You do come across as controlling op. It matters very much how you word things when typing on an Internet forum where we cannot see your expressions.

Get him to clean up after them..suggest varying venues so it isn't always you. Get him to take his mate down the pub after the race has finished (and he has tidied up).

Why can't there be some rotational watching in other people's houses? Plonk yourself down beforehand in your bra and Jim jams - that might send a subtle message for them to frig off elsewhere for a change.

Is your dh actually your 14 yr old son?! 'Have his friends over' 'big tv' 'wants snacks made'

Grow the fuck up, dh. You're embarrassing.

OP doesn't like people thinking she's BU.

OP also doesn't like people thinking her DH is being unreasonable. (See reply to couldntmakethisshitup)

This is such a funny thread

It sounds like he is taking advantage in wanting snacks, not clearing up etc, but you also sound very controlling to me Op. You drive, so can easily go to the supermarket alone, and choosing to do the shopping the specific time of the grand priz makes things unnecessarily difficult.

I'm pregnant too, though unlike you I've been very ill with it for months and i couldn't manage bags or the shop by myself, but given that you go to the gym still and go running, I can't see why you can't carry bags from the car to kitchen. It's like you are picking and choosing when to play the pregnancy card, and it gets played when it causes most disruption to your partner and his friends. That being said, he should be willing to take them in regardless, but I can't help feel that you schedule these trips to look like a martyr.

Read Wifework, get him to read it too. His sexist attitude is quite worrying, hope he steps up when you have your child.

Tell him to clean up after his mates, it's not your job.

I know how difficult things can be when you are pregnant/hormonal and you just want your peace. However! There seems to be a lack of adult communication going on and some passive aggressive behaviours, too.

You both live in this house. If F1 is your husband's passion, it seems quite reasonable that he would want to invite like-minded friends around to share the viewings. Flip it over; if you invited some girlfriends around to watch the latest chick-flick, would you get annoyed/embarrassed if your husband was unwelcoming to your friends, skulked around and made it clear he didn't want them there and made pointed comments about the mess?

You need to sit your husband down and have a calm conversation with him. Say that while you are happy for him to have friends around to watch the F1, you are now getting very tired with the pregnancy. You would appreciate it if he made it clear to loiterer that he had to leave at the end of the programme with the others so that you could have some peace and some time alone with your husband. Say that you would also appreciate it if he could ask his mates to clear all their plates/glasses away before they left. If your husband feels a bit embarrassed to do this, take charge. When they come in, just say with a smile 'Oi you lot! No leaving the place in a mess like last time! Put all your glasses/plates in the dishwasher before you leave otherwise you'll have the crazy pregnant lady after you!' If you turn it into a joke, it won't be awkward, but it gets your point across.

Also tell him that you are finding it hard to manage the shopping on your own, and that you should not be lifting heavy bags. Ask him when it would suit him to do the shopping with you and be flexible about the time. Not 'I always do the shopping at XXX when the F1 is on'.

I know your husband is being a bit dim about this, but men often are! They don't experience pregnancy, and they don't know how you are feeling unless you tell them and make it clear what your expectations are. If you have a good pregnancy book, there is usually a section for the fathers-to-be with good advice about how to be a good partner. Make sure he reads it!

My sense is that this all goes way beyond the F1 issue. I think that you are feeling generally unsupported with regards to your pregnancy and are feeling a bit alone. This is not uncommon, and you need to keep communicating about how you are feeling and what you need from him.

Order in Pizza, timed for when the race starts. ask one of them to get the door and pay for it. Leave a black bin bag in the middle of the sitting room for their rubbish. When everyone has gone except loiterer, sit on the sofa and say it's your turn now and watch some girlie, romantic slush with the sound up. Invite a friend round to watch it with you, or maybe a pregnancy and birth documentary with graphic images. Dvd called Babies is beautiful and brilliant. Do not provide food for them unless it's snacks in tiny bowls.

I flick through DP's phone if it's on the closest side and I'm being lazy and bored, he does the same to mine, we aren't bothered, it's not checking up it's passing the time and being idle.

OP, if I were you I'd sack the shopping off to a different day, get yourself some nice snacks and a drink and hang out in the bedroom with some headphones in and a good book/film/box set.
Sweetly respond to any requests for race snacks with a,
"sorry dear, I'm knackered from carrying this baby, I'm going to take some me time while you entertain."

Don't tidy up after them either, just remind your DH every so often that his friends rubbish is still on the floor/table.

As for the loiterer (eugh to him!) I would very politely but bluntly ask him when he's planning on going home as you have things you'd like to do or are tired want a bath etc, it's not rude to want to have your house free of guests.

I think some posters on here are way off the mark! I would be horrified if my OH thought it was appropriate to sit on his backside whilst I was carrying heavy bags from the car, pregnant or not. I would expect to help him if the shoe was on the other foot. It's not being precious, it's just being nice and being in a partnership!

And I agree I would be put out if my OH brought his messy mates about, and expected me to cater for them. I can't imagine my OH's friends doing that. I don't know how busy you are in the week, OP, or how pregnant you are etc but I know i just wanted to chill out in my clean house, with my feet up on the weekend.

YANBU, and your OH will have to be more considerate once baby comes!!

But what on earth is gumming?