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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I know I'm BU but I'm fed up of DH

166 replies

theclick · 27/05/2017 22:17

DH's friends come round whenever there is an F1 race on as we have a decent TV to watch it on. I hate it when they come over. They eat all the food, leave all their mess in the sink and generally one of them then doesn't leave as he has nothing else to do. I'm pregnant and hormonal and I iust read in his watsapp that he has invited them again.

I'm over this! I do not want to come back to a messy house, with one of them still loitering. I also asked him to come shopping with me tomorrow as I'm sick of carrying heavy bags on my own and he refused. He is obsessed with the races and I honestly feel like hitting him over the head with a frying pan.

OP posts:

Justaboy · 27/05/2017 22:53

Do his mates clean up or at least help to, or haven't they been housetrained that well;?.

Original poster

theclick · 27/05/2017 22:53

I'm going to go to the gym and leave them to it. When I come home I'm going to put my dishes away and leave theirs out so he knows what do do. Also telling him tomorrow (it's cleaning day for us but what's the point as the house will mess up anyway) that I won't under any circumstances be doing it.

I actually wanted to go to Lidl tomorrow as I want to decrease our monthly food spend and it's much further away then our local.

OP posts:

Babybrain1791 · 27/05/2017 22:54

I'd just leave for the weekend and then it's all on him.

And definitely get an online shop in the next time and get it delivered for when you're away so he has to put it away to make a point.

He isn't a child and you aren't his mother or his maid!!

arethereanyleftatall · 27/05/2017 22:54

I'd just go out all day. I don't think you can ban him from inviting his own friends to his own house, however long they stay.
But don't clean up any of the mess, don't serve anything, not your responsibility.
Can you online shop? Why do yo do all the shopping?

MasuMara · 27/05/2017 22:55

Why would I think having a leather sofa is showing off?

Level of transparency? Oh give me a break. there's no need to ever read someone's phone unless you don't trust them or a control freak.

Original poster

theclick · 27/05/2017 22:55

Do his mates clean up or at least help to, or haven't they been housetrained that well;?.

They have, and one even does the cooking in his own place - but he is used to being spoilt in DH's house (not only when I lived with him), as I said when he was at his parents his mum would make them hot snacks etc so that is the level of care they are now used to. Basically, they take advantage.

OP posts:

Queenofthestress · 27/05/2017 22:55

Masu stuff a sock in it, she's pregnant, hormonal and has a right to be in her own home without him leaving a shit tip because he wants his mates round

I would tell him again before they come, make a nest and vegetate, then tell him you're not cleaning it and leave it until he does it, he'll get fed up once he's got nothing to eat off

Babybrain1791 · 27/05/2017 22:56

*OP do you have a good tv? Not sure if you mentioned it.

You sound controlling. Reading his texts and not allowing his friends over.

Just tell him to clean up after them.*

So unnecessary

skyzumarubble · 27/05/2017 22:56

at showing off about the leather sofa. Tell them to clear up or fuck off. Simple.

Original poster

theclick · 27/05/2017 22:57

Why would I think having a leather sofa is showing off?

Level of transparency? Oh give me a break. there's no need to ever read someone's phone unless you don't trust them or a control freak.

Well he reads mine. It's just interest...being bored...that's why we do it. You seem to have a major issue with me (random woman on the internet) and/or the idea of my marriage.

OP posts:

Sisinisawa · 27/05/2017 22:57

Tell them all when they arrive: sort your own food and clear up after yourselves please. I'm not your servant (big grin).

Original poster

theclick · 27/05/2017 23:01

Can you online shop? Why do yo do all the shopping?

To be fair I always have, our division of work is that I do the shopping and food, he does the laundry loads, I do the ironing, he vacuums the house every Sunday and I clean the kitchen and bathrooms. He does all the DIY etc. But when people come round, I always end up doing the random cleaning up after. I frankly don't feel I should have to when it's his mates. So he does do work, it's just when we have people round that I end up picking up their shit.

Also my mates at least offer to help, and bring their dishes to the sink. They also throw their rubbish away.

When the baby is here I may online shop but just aware a Lidl shop is cheaper.

OP posts:

melj1213 · 27/05/2017 23:03

FFS just talk to your DH and tell him his F1 parties are his responsibility to host - including the clean up afterwards.

DH invites people over, DH deals with the hospitality, you do whatever the hell you like.

If you haven't been shopping for snacks and neither has your DH, well they'll have to go hungry or order takeaway. If the washing up gets left then so be it, it will still be there when your DH gets round to it.

Original poster

theclick · 27/05/2017 23:07

Oh God I've tried all of that, but he thinks it's my role. Yes I have a DH problem. Needless to say my blinking MIL didn't help by pandering to them and shoving lamb samosas down their throats.

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 27/05/2017 23:07

What sisi said. And before they get there load up your room with yummy snacks and drinks on ice, just for you. If you don't have a TV in your room stock it with a bunch of magazines and some good books. Spend the race time lounging on the bed, napping and reading.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 27/05/2017 23:08

It's fine for him to have friends round but he needs to cater for them and clean up afterwards. You need to make this clear. Do not clean up after him. He needs to take responsibility for himself. If you carry on doing it he'll think it's OK.

If he is a fan of a certain sport, make him put the dates in a shared electronic diary, so you know not to plan to go to lidl (or anything) on those days. But for heaven's sake, find the cheap on-line offers for delivery around your due date.

SomeOtherFuckers · 27/05/2017 23:09

Put a bin next to the coffee table with a passive aggressive note taped to it that's what I do.
Do not do his dishes... leave them as long as he needs.
Ask him why he won't help his pregnant wife bring the shopping in ... mean bastard

Slimthistime · 27/05/2017 23:09

OP YANBU
And why has he refused to do the household shop with you?

TelephoneTree · 27/05/2017 23:11

We don't live in the 50s any more

SomeOtherFuckers · 27/05/2017 23:12

he hunks it's your role? Well then the bloody heavy lifting ( shopping bags) are his fucking role and so is being a man and not a child if he wants to live up to old stereotypes.
Tell him if he want you to act like his mother then you will tell him off when he's naughty and he can sleep in another room.

Original poster

theclick · 27/05/2017 23:13

Put a bin next to the coffee table with a passive aggressive note taped to it that's what I do.

What do you say?

OP posts:

Chloe84 · 27/05/2017 23:14

As he vacuums, I would definitely leave the rubbish out for him to clear on the next vacuuming day.

Deffo stop making them snacks. A man who refuses to help his pregnant girlfriend carry heavy bags does not deserve to be waited on hand and foot.

Original poster

theclick · 27/05/2017 23:15

And why has he refused to do the household shop with you?

You know what, I don't know why. His dad always used to do it with his mum. He has a real aversion to it. To be fair I do the shopping list and know what to get etc, but I don't know why he can't spare 30 mins of his time to do it. That is all it takes if I actually remember to bring my list with me. It's just a faff.

OP posts:

Heathen4Hire · 27/05/2017 23:16

Sell the telly and Sky box on Gumtree.

Queenofthestress · 27/05/2017 23:22

Just write 'rubbish in the bin!!' on the note

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