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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Looking after my partners other daughter

151 replies

ConConstance · 27/05/2017 13:17

Sorry, I'm still new to MN and wasn't sure which topic to put this under.

My daughters dads (soon to be ex) wife has just showed up at my house (he doesn't live here) with their daughter and has left her here. She's 13 years old.

He is out with business clients all day and can't get back until at least 7pm at the earliest. He had arranged to her their daughter tomorrow instead which his wife agreed too. Clearly she's not happy with that. Didn't even come to door with her just drove off when I answered. I don't mind helping him out but really not happy her mum has just dumped her here.

I have only meet his other daughter a few times so as you can imagine it's pretty awkward. What the hell do I with a 13 year old I barely know for the next few hours?? Please help

OP posts:
38cody · 27/05/2017 20:43

You've got a 1 year old so that's entertainment enough for most 13 yr olds.

Original poster
ConConstance · 27/05/2017 21:20

Thank you for taking the time to reply. We actually ended up having a great day together. Had a nice lunch and I went to my nail appointment and paid for her to have hers done too. I panicked when posting as I haven't spent time with a young teen before. I have told her that she's welcome to visit again as long as it's ok with her mum and dad. He wouldn't have known I would be home as we hadn't spoken but I don't know. Today wasn't the first time she has met my baby. I didn't ask about why her mum had brought her and she didn't bring it up. We just chatted about music and school and the baby. To be honest she never shut up all afternoon so it wasn't awkward once we got out of the house.

As for the situation, I well aware of how messed up it is and that we are to blame for all this.

Laughing and saying no wonder he left her is completely uncalled for. She kicked/ left him and is actually a really nice lady. Her and I have spoken twice since all this came to light and have been civil so there was no reason for not to come to the door.

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 27/05/2017 21:37

Glad you both had a nice day.

Sounds like your P has a few shortcomings as a father.

Original poster
ConConstance · 27/05/2017 21:39

Partner was probably the wrong way to describe him. We still spend time together while he gets to know the baby but nothing going on between us

OP posts:
RudeDog · 27/05/2017 21:50

You're not even together and she left her daughter with you! Did she even know you were in?

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/05/2017 22:02

Glad you had a good day. I imagine the girl was pestering her mother to see your baby, perhaps they had a fight and she was exasperated. I understand that you may have talked to the mother a couple of times but this is very different from showing your weaknesses and admitting you are struggling to the woman, who helped destroy your marriage. You've both not had a great experience with a man, who tbh sounds like a bit of a shit. A bit of female solidarity goes a long way. Perhaps contact the mum at sometime soon and tell her how delighted you were to be able to have her dd for the afternoon and she is a credit to her.

youarenotkiddingme · 27/05/2017 22:13

Glad you had a good day.

You both have your DD in common as a relation so there's no reason you cannot be social as a group of 3. By the time DD is a toddler she can spend time alone with her if she wishes and in a few years they can go out alone to do stuff.

I'd encourage the relationship and hopefully in future she'll text and arrange a visit rather than just being 'dumped'.

Original poster
ConConstance · 27/05/2017 22:31

Like I said I didn't mind her being here. It just threw me how it came about. I would be happy to spend time with her again so she can be involved with my baby.

OP posts:
MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 27/05/2017 22:42

Very confusing why a woman dumped her child on the woman who was fucking her husband for 5 years and had his baby, especially when you aren't together anymore.

AnyFucker · 28/05/2017 09:19

How did she get home?

Such huge gaps in this story.

Original poster
ConConstance · 28/05/2017 09:37

Her dad picked her up from mine when he had finished his with his work commitments. Him and I will be having words today about it

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/05/2017 09:43

I hope you ascertain why both of these people considered you to be free child care for their daughter

And why he didn't come home immediately to sort it out

You sound strangely passive

Original poster
ConConstance · 28/05/2017 09:46

I can assure you that this certainly won't be happening again!

OP posts:
Graceflorrick · 28/05/2017 09:52

You've barely met his DD but you have a DC with him. They're not even divorced yet? His ex-w has just dumped her DC on you. This is all pretty horrific OP.

MermaidsTears · 28/05/2017 13:43

Why is a pp saying you had an affair for five years with this guy. Im so confused.

HeyHoThereYouGo657 · 28/05/2017 17:11

Well OP I am glad you both had a nice day and you talked .

I hope she has a lovely relationship with her half sibling as well .

mimishimmi · 30/05/2017 04:58

Are you sure your DP was out with 'business clients' all day until 7pm OP? Sounds a bit like a 'creating a vacancy' excuse to me. Did he change the arrangements with his wife last minute ? I can see why she'd be miffed with that and sounds like she had a fight with the 13 year old (who probably said something narky along the lines of wishing she was at dad's). I don't think it's unfair to expect an ex's new partner to watch the kids if it's the non-resident parent's contact weekend and he can't/won't watch them.

StealthPolarBear · 30/05/2017 05:22

Yes this is for the dad to sort out.
I rolled my eyes so much at the person who said "do each others hair and make up" but hey that's pretty much what you did.
And just to clarify to people talking about the man's ex wife - she's his wife. Op I'd be removing myself from the situation entirely and just allowing him to see his new baby.

Cantseethewoods · 30/05/2017 05:25

Your 1 year old must be super chilled so that you could arrange to get your nails done while looking after her. Lucky you!!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/05/2017 05:30

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2864338-advice-needed-of-introducing-his-other-children
This is why other posters are talking about a 5y affair.

bloodymaria · 30/05/2017 05:49

What a messed up situation. All those poor kids! Hope your partner/whatever steps up and takes some responsibility, he sounds like a fucking wet blanket.

Kokusai · 30/05/2017 07:44

I'd foster a bit of a relationship - they are half siblings. Also she might be a good babysitter in 3 years time :-)

Kokusai · 30/05/2017 07:45

Posted too soon.

Glad you had a nice day together OP.

Original poster
ConConstance · 30/05/2017 22:14

Thank you. I actually spoke to the soon to be ex wife this afternoon. The daughter had been a little shit saying things like she would rather be with her dad, she just lost it and needed a bit of space away from her which I completely understand. Obviously if I knew this I wouldn't have paid for daughter to have her nails done.

I explained I was more than happy for her to visit again to spend time with baby but it needs to arranged beforehand.

OP posts:
TreeTop7 · 30/05/2017 22:34

I thought it was strange that a 13 year old needed childcare, but your last post clarifies that they'd been getting on each other's nerves hence the dropping off.

I'm glad it went well.

Both you and exW are well rid of this man.

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