Looking after my partners other daughter

[ConConstance]

Sorry, I'm still new to MN and wasn't sure which topic to put this under.

My daughters dads (soon to be ex) wife has just showed up at my house (he doesn't live here) with their daughter and has left her here. She's 13 years old.

He is out with business clients all day and can't get back until at least 7pm at the earliest. He had arranged to her their daughter tomorrow instead which his wife agreed too. Clearly she's not happy with that. Didn't even come to door with her just drove off when I answered. I don't mind helping him out but really not happy her mum has just dumped her here.

I have only meet his other daughter a few times so as you can imagine it's pretty awkward. What the hell do I with a 13 year old I barely know for the next few hours?? Please help

Christ, she only found out about her husband cheating and a baby about 3 months ago. She's hardly going to have a natter on the doorstep is she. Maybe your boyfriend told her it was fine and is telling you something different. He's a proven liar after all. Not surprised you feel awkward with the daughter though.

Leaving*

She is your child's big sister; they can hang out together. She's 13: she can be useful/knows how to do stuff. And if she's being teenage and doesn't want to interact, then she can buy a magazine and read it while sunbathing. If she hasn't got any cash maybe you can lend her some or text your OH to ask him to repay you when he gets home.

I realise you may have had plans already/it's not convenient, and it's a bit rude/presumptuous/stupid of her mum etc, but I really don't know what the big deal is - as I say, she's your kid's big sister. Since your kid is one, she might really like to play with her. Your OH can have it out with his STBEW later. Could be worse - she could have dropped her off with a suitcase and said she'll pick her up after half term.

You chose to have a relationship - and kids - with a man who already had kids. You have to expect that they're going to be part of your life too.

I hope you have fun together. She might have a really nice time hanging out with her baby sister, and you.

send her home with a massive smile on her face and the mother won't do it again

That is PERFECT!

If this evil plan backfires and you end up getting on like a house on fire, with her actually wanting to come over, in a couple of years time you'll have an ideal babysitter. Plus of course it must be nice for the two sisters to get to know each other.

Muva, yes because the ex will be dying for a meeting with the woman who slept with and made a child with her husband

You had a 5-year affair with this man?

OP just have a nice day with the daughter and help her get to know you and her sister.
I don't think the ex was being negligent; I think she is making the point that her ex chose to dump her and his other children, why should he get to relinquish responsibility apart from his days/ weekends. He's had a baby with someone else; let him and her be inconvenienced. As he's inconvenienced his ex and the children's whole life. Men so often find it so easy to walk away from the children when they no longer want the mum.

Still massively irresponsible to dump your child on a strangers doorstep rainbows . She can't face meeting OP because of a relationship her husband chose to have with her, but thinks its ok to dump her minor child on the doorstep without checking to see if anyone was in?

Poor girl, I can't imagine how she must be feeling! Her mum must be really hacked off over something to do that to her. Maybe they had a row and she'd had enough of teen strops, who knows.

I hope you manage to be the adult here and look after her feelings, and do something nice for the poor child.

OP says the ex drove off once she answered so she knew someone was in.

Fucking hell!

Well this is a big mess of yours and his making, and now his kid gets dumped with a stranger.

Why would a 13 year old even need looking after and not be left alone in her own home. Poor girl how many adults can crap on her all at once.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2864338-advice-needed-of-introducing-his-other-children

link to ops back story, op was ow for 5 years behind her dp wifes back, she found out in February. No wonder she doesn't want to speak to you

Think comes under the general heading of "The chickens have come home to roost" really.

You sure your partner didn't tell his ex to do it? He's the one with the most form for being unreasonable/duplicitous/irresponsible.

Explains a fair bit. Poor kid.

Dad's affair doesn't in any way excuse the Mum dumping their daughter in an awkward situation to make a point. Awful way to treat your own child.

Late lunch sounds like a good start Op, make the girl as at ease as you can. My 13 year old is happy if she has Wifi

Have the necessary conversation with your partner later.

Wow, well that complicates it further, doesn't it.
So you're not actually with your DD's dad any more? Or are you?
Either way, it appears this 13yo girl was keen to get to know your DD, so I guess that's another reason her mum has just dumped her on you.
Don't in the slightest bit blame her mum for not wanting to have anything to do with you personally, but at least she waited til you opened the door before she drove off, so if you hadn't answered, she wouldn't have abandoned her DD on the doorstep.

God though - what a fucking mess. :(

Did she just want to meet her sister? On your other thread you say his youngest kid with his wife was desperate to meet your kid? Is this some kind of result of that.

Maybe done more messily than you'd like. But maybe a lot of this is messier than it should be, nod that's not the kid's or the ex's fault really is it.

Sounds like she was nagging to meet her sister, which must have been so tough for her poor mum.

Let them have time together. It's the very, very least you can do.

Well neither OP and her boyfriend have given a toss about the welfare of any of the kids involved in this mess. Not sure why the mother should be held to a higher standard as her life is falling apart. Besides which, it's possible boyfriend told her it was ok or the child wanted to see the baby.

Just read other thread. What a train wreck!! It would be nice if the children came out as unscathed as possible.

Is the 13 year old the one who is desperate to meet her sister? Because that makes a lot of sense and explains why she has been dropped off at yours.
OP you can help a relationship to develop between the two of them.
The ex must be sad, angry and pissed off; but she is putting her dds feelings first so that she can meet her little sister.

He's not a darling partner (partner is used very loosely)

In that case it's extremely odd that his ex knows where you live and has thought to drop her DD there, presuming her father would be around to take care of her.

But I agree with others, whatever is going on here, it's not the child's fault. Call your her father/your sort of DP/whatever the hell he is, ask him to come to your house immediately to take care of his daughter, let him argue the toss with her mother, and be really nice to the poor child in the mean time.

Feeling for the 13yold, and absolutely would do my best to give her a great day.

We have only heard one side so far, so we do not know the circumstances in which the father 'arranged' to look after his daughter tomorrow instead of today. It could be that the mother was simply mirroring how he had 'dumped' the arrangements on her at short notice.

Anyone who ever starts an affaire with someone already married, please be aware that this sort of messy situation is exactly what you are signing up for. Just don't do it.

The poor kid being dumped. Make a little fuss of her. Lunch out sounds lovely.