Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Looking after my partners other daughter

151 replies

ConConstance · 27/05/2017 13:17

Sorry, I'm still new to MN and wasn't sure which topic to put this under.

My daughters dads (soon to be ex) wife has just showed up at my house (he doesn't live here) with their daughter and has left her here. She's 13 years old.

He is out with business clients all day and can't get back until at least 7pm at the earliest. He had arranged to her their daughter tomorrow instead which his wife agreed too. Clearly she's not happy with that. Didn't even come to door with her just drove off when I answered. I don't mind helping him out but really not happy her mum has just dumped her here.

I have only meet his other daughter a few times so as you can imagine it's pretty awkward. What the hell do I with a 13 year old I barely know for the next few hours?? Please help

OP posts:
RhythmAndStealth · 27/05/2017 16:16

That's rubbish nokidshere. There is no way you can detach this from what has gone before.

  1. For all we know, the dad has told his ex that he is going to be there, and the ex just wants to avoid a confrontation.
  2. Or the dad has left his ex absolutely in the lurch, and she has critical work or family matters to attend to.
  3. Maybe the teenager's desire to meet/see her sister just got undeniable/unbearable and the ex took matters into her own hands.

My point is, we don't much for certain. Except that the dad is a selfish, irresponsible liar...

It's just nonsense to say that the ex just has to be a unremitting paragon of virtue in the face of this clusterfuck. Especially when we don't even know if the ex has done anything wrong, or even "dumped" her child. Maybe this is the dad's idea of a re-arrangement, maybe the child badgered to see the baby.

RhythmAndStealth · 27/05/2017 16:19

Whatever this situation is Muva it's not one to "Lol" about.

Your attitude is disgusting.

HeyHoThereYouGo657 · 27/05/2017 16:22

I really thought that bringing up another thread was not on ?

Pretty creepy doing advanced searches as well . Weird or truly overinvested in an anonymous forum

MuvaWifey77 · 27/05/2017 16:23

Thanks Rhythm , your irrelevant point is been taken . LOL

MuvaWifey77 · 27/05/2017 16:28

I agree with Hey Ho , creepy going and looking for other posts and saying stuff . Seriously . It's meant to be an unbiased opinion of this post . Good luck OP.

Waltermittythesequel · 27/05/2017 16:29

You might want to take lessons in grammar while you're at it, Muva.

If you're going to be a dick to other posters, that is.

honeyroar · 27/05/2017 16:32

The man sounds a total selfish prick, self obsessed with no thought for anyone else.. OP you're nearly as bad. You're not sensible enough to run for the hills. The ex wife, well she's allowed to be upset and hate you. Perhaps she got sick of her child going on about her new sibling and thought "right, go and spend the day there then!" Not good, I know. You all owe it to this child, and all the others, to try and make this mess as smooth as possible for them all. You and he need to grow up and realise what a bomb you've thrown into these children's lives.

nokidshere · 27/05/2017 16:34

That's rubbish nokidshere. There is no way you can detach this from what has gone before.

  1. For all we know, the dad has told his ex that he is going to be there, and the ex just wants to avoid a confrontation.
  2. Or the dad has left his ex absolutely in the lurch, and she has critical work or family matters to attend to.
  3. Maybe the teenager's desire to meet/see her sister just got undeniable/unbearable and the ex took matters into her own hands.

My point is, we don't much for certain. Except that the dad is a selfish, irresponsible liar...

  1. The op said that the day had been changed and agreed to by both parents.
  1. Even if a shitty ex had left me in the lurch I would not dump my child on the doorstep of the OW when they haven't met and don't have a relationship.
  1. She is 13. Old enough to understand that she needs to ask her dad to facilitate that. And if mum did take matters into her own hands and dump her there it's still a shitty thing to do to the girl.

As you say, all we know about this is that the girl ended up being dumped on a doorstep and the exH is a shitbag. However, whichever way it played out it was to the child's detriment. If ow had opened the door and let the girl in then I would be texting her from the car asking if she was ok and was her dad there.

It doesn't matter how badly you have been treated, or how angry or hurt you are, it's never ok to put the children in the middle of it - and that means all parties not just the mother.

BoldKitties · 27/05/2017 16:36

Your posts on this thread make you sound, well, stupid, Muva.

And advance searching is a function provided by MNHQ so if you have a problem with it, take it up with them.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 27/05/2017 16:44

Poor kid, did she think her Dad was going to be there?

When DD was small my teenage siblings really loved taking her to the park, feeding the ducks, soft play, messy play at home and getting her sand pit out, because they were too cool/grown up to do things like that on their own but DD gave them an excuse. More than once I walked into the living room to see teenagers playing with her building blocks way after DD had got bored and crawled off Grin

Most of all though, they liked to be given a choice, so just ask her what she fancies doing, be honest with her and just say you have no idea what girls her age do for fun these days, 13 year olds like to think they are practically adults so talk to them like they are (within reason)

SparklyMagpie · 27/05/2017 16:46

All i'm bothered about is how the daughter got on today OP? I'm not even going to get involved with the shit that's behind all of this

Neverknowing · 27/05/2017 16:51

I'm honestly so confused about this? You don't live with your partner and she dropped her 13 year old off with you? You're not her childcare and you need to sort the situation asap or you may well become her go to childcare !!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 27/05/2017 17:07

The part I still don't really understand is why a 13-year-old needs looking after during the day. Why can't she just stay at home alone??

MuvaWifey77 · 27/05/2017 17:14

Waltermittythesequel
If my grammar is the only ting you have to comment on try harder .
I also speak 3 languages not bothered by you.

MuvaWifey77 · 27/05/2017 17:15

Ps:. thanks BoldKitties. Note taken . Very relevant too..

Waltermittythesequel · 27/05/2017 17:26

And you count English as one of them? HmmGrin

MuvaWifey77 · 27/05/2017 17:32

Yes sweetie. And by the looks of it you probably speak sarcasm , profanity and struggle with everything else. Charming. :)

AnyFucker · 27/05/2017 17:36

Some spectacular bitch plopping on this thread

Cheered me right up Smile

MuvaWifey77 · 27/05/2017 17:58

I just don't bother previewing my posts for some reason it doesn't appeal to me , it's not like my grammar should be take into account ... so feel free to judge , lol I can shame you in so many languages , it's not the point of the thread. Bye now. Good luck OP.

walmo · 27/05/2017 18:20

I bet the 13 year old was pestering to see her little sister and her DM just had enough and did what she did in exasperation. She must be having a terrible year, perhaps she posts in relationships.

I get that.

ittakes2 · 27/05/2017 18:27

I'm sorry, I know her mum has been completely unreasonable and she is not your responsibility - but pl remember she is only 13 and just been abandoned by her mum! She must be feeling awful. If you can, just use it as an opportunity to build a relationship with her - she is after all your daughter's sister and hopefully she will appreciate your actions and this can be turned into something positive.

mygorgeousmilo · 27/05/2017 19:16

Who knows what you should do with her, but be nice. After all, you've brought this mess on yourself by being the mistress for five years. Now you have a child together and he still doesn't live with you and STILL isn't divorced.... Hmm righttttt

WelshMoth · 27/05/2017 19:27

Do your best to make her feel safe OP.

After skim reading the thread, I can see that the situation is complex. No judgement here but if it were me, I'd make sure that the kid is comfortable with you but I'd be very clear about not being the 'cool, good cop' adult. It'll be the easy choice to point fingers at the kid's Mum and call her out as being bad and unresponsible, but we have no idea how heart-broken/distraught she is or even if she's snapped after her DD is nagging about her 'super' dad / new sister etc etc. Or even if she's a cow to her Mum and is blaming her for Dad leaving.

The potential scenarios are endless, so play it neutral and play it FAIR.

HoHoHoHo · 27/05/2017 20:06

Regardless of how you and your dp got together it should be him cancelling his plans when you need to care for his daughter unplanned not you.

JuicyStrawberry · 27/05/2017 20:33

Hope it turned out to be a nice day in the end op. Her mum was bang out of order.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread