What's a few minutes between friends

[NottheWhiteRabbit]

I'm interested in people's view points on punctuality.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre etc.

But... for things like meeting a friend for coffee, soft play, walks etc, I would assume the meeting time as an approximate! I'm usually no later than about 10 mins. Is this very bad? I genuinely always aim to be on time but fate always conspire against me and I end up late for various reasons. But it could be because I'm more relaxed about the timing as it's only a leisure/ fun thing. Most of my friends are the same and we end up there about the same time anyway. If i'm the one on time, I'm also personally happy to go in on my own and get started on whatever we are doing or could wait at entrance or in the car. It becomes a problem when I meet a couple of friends who are obviously much more organised but are adamant to wait at the entrance of things, sometimes they're even early so they feel like they've waited a very long time! They do get a bit huffy. But I always text when I'm late, so in fact I'm 5/ 10 mins late but they've waited 20mins let's say, AIBU to think they don't get to be too pissed off?

Some people just have no concept of time. A bit like some people might find it difficult to estimate the speed they are going, or somebody's height or weight. Some people cannot roughly guess how much a restaurant bill might come to, or be able to tell how someone else is feeling. Some people have no idea of the passage of time, and cannot tell the difference between 5 minutes or half an hour. Needless to say, I have no friends who cannot tell the time.

From your op though you say you are generally a bit late. If 'unexpected' delays are happening that often then they shouldn't be unexpected and you aren't leaving enough time.
The difference between me getting somewhere a bit early is that I can do something nearby until I have to be there. If I'm hanging on for someone who's late I just have to wait where we're meeting while the kids ask every few seconds when their friends are coming, growing increasingly tired of being told 'soon', because you actually have no idea when they will be coming.

I have a friend who is always late, we arranged to meet at 10.30, I set off and when I got to the end of my street I got a text saying she had only just set off, she live 45 mins away. It's the same everytime we meet, I've now stopped arranging to do things on those days I'm meeting up with her as I never know how late she is going to be x

When did everyone become so "holier than though"? I was recently "late" to a work night out but had said from the moment I agreed to go that I probably would be as I have a baby to sort and it all depends what time she goes down. I was also catching the bus so if I missed the earlier one I would have to wait for the later one. I said if I could make it on time to the meal I would, if not, I would meet them after for drinks. As it was we were over an hour late being seated so I was there for the whole evening. Can I ask all the perfect people who are never late if in that situation it would have been better for me to A. Say I couldn't make it at all. B. Initially say I could make it then drop out on the day (as some others did) or C. Do as I did?
Everything is so black and white for some people and easy to claim how perfect you are from the safety of your keyboard.

YABU. It's selfish and rude to be late when meeting up with friends for whatever reason. (BTW, to be honest, it also hacks me off when people turn up mega early for things too and then get all huffy if others are say 5 mins late).
I used to be terribly flakey with time but felt (and obvs in retrospect feel) so awful that I now leave the house 30 mins earlier to allow for annoying public transport hitches. Win win for all :-) xx

Also, if lateness offends you so much then I presume you are cutthroat enough to remove these pesky selfish late people from your lives and only associate with fellow perfect people.

Worrier if you had already told people you wouldn't be there til later then how were you late? Also that is a one off. The op has said she's usually late when meeting friends. That would get annoying. If she was my friend I would just make sure I was also late when meeting her.

YABU! I also dislike people being late. It's like they think their time is more important than mine. Rude and obnoxious to do this constantly imo.

l used to meet a friend for lunch or coffee occasionally, and without fail, she was late. Not just 5-10 minutes, but sometimes up to half an hour. By which time, as l'm always a bit early allowing for traffic, l'd have wasted almost 40-45 minutes of parking.
There were always excuses. "A... was crying and l had to find out why why." (A was about 15 at the time!) "l got stuck behind a tractor." "The railway crossing was down."
lt's almost like saying their time's more important than yours.

Ha feelingfuzzy, it's an old Scottish-ism of my mammy's. We would say it ' rips ma knittin' and it describes perfectly how something can really, really pee you off to the extent that you'd rip out your entire knitting in frustration!
Funny how I forget that some folk won't have heard of them.

I was recently "late" to a work night out but had said from the moment I agreed to go that I probably would be
If you've made it known from the start, and everyone's agreed to it and know what's going on, then that's fine. Its not like there's a lone person sitting there waiting for you to turn up before they can do anything

@NottheWhiteRabbit By what people are saying, you should give yourself an extra hour for every outing in case you get a nappy explosion.

I think most of us have a problem with your "fuck you all" attitude (or at least the way you are describing things).

As one of the on-timers, all we are saying is that we build in sufficient buffer according to what we are doing/where it is - not just some flat hour for a every single trip.

So, if it is a 30min drive to the soft play I visit at the same time each week, I might only build in 5-10mins extra. If it is an job interview (or unknown location), I will check google maps, setting the directions based on the time I need to arrive and add a proportional buffer on to that (and I'll check traffic news on the day as well)

And if I had a baby I would have been checking nappies well before I even needed to be leaving, as as to minimise the likelihood of a rogue shit. Not just as I am heading out the door.

And after all that, if I am still not sure what time, I don't give a fixed number, I give a window, because to me, saying "meet you between 10-10.15" gives considerate wriggle room, whereas if you say "I will meet you at 10am", it suggests you are enough of a grown up to actually manage that on a normal, uneventful day.

Everyone has accepted that unexpected events SOMETIMES happen, but it is not acceptable that people are continuously late just because they CBA to be a functioning adult about planning their day when it involves others as well. Because that is just poor manners and surely nobody wants to be thought of as ill-mannered or crass?: www.debretts.com/debretts-a-to-z/p/punctuality/

you are cutthroat enough to remove these pesky selfish late people from your lives
I do. I've got enough stress to manage without people who cannot manage their lives.

If these are meet ups with small (preschool or under) children involved then YANBU.

If not, then YANBU if it truly is an occasional 5 or 10 mins. If it's 20 mins every time, YABU.

They ABU for waiting outside places for you.

Never anymore than 20 mins late. Anymore is considered bad manners.

fate always conspire against me

Bollocks. You just can't be arsed getting there on time. Very rude.

Never anymore than 20 mins late. Anymore is considered bad manners.
For people I have to have a relationship with who cannot tell the time, I tell them half an hour (or an hour for one of them) earlier than the actual time we need to meet up. Or if they say 10am, I know it means 10.30

Yabvu. You can be on time for things you consider important which shows you don't consider your friends time as important. I hate lateness. It's rude.
This

How come all these people who "have no concept of time" are never early?

The habitually late are just that though, habitually late. Those posters who accuse them of narcism are projecting their outrage at being kept waiting; "how dare they do this to me". Me, I, myself, aka the most important person, ergo the person who should never be kept waiting. The habitually late keep everyone waiting. It's not about you. For some reason or other they are poor time-keepers. Do them a favour, either cut them out of your lives so they can find more empathetic friends or accept this facet of their personality. If they can't change for themselves, they ain't gonna change for you. Accept it or move on.

As for the habitually early, now interestingly enough this is a perfect example of narcism. Turning up early to a dinner invite at someone's house is the height of rudeness as it puts undue pressure on the host. As a recruiter, I would sooner hire the occasionally late person over the person who is obtuse enough to think that sitting in reception for 20 minutes is acceptable. This smacks of self-importance and failure to recognise social norms.

I try not to state absolute times and plan meet ups in places where the timing can be flexible within a half hour slot. I also choose my friends wisely, we are all understanding of the difficulties that may arise in planning a meet up. Living in London then traffic and public transport can often be unpredictable. The important thing my friends and I have in common is we stay in touch with regular updates. For example I may plan to pick a friend up between 10-10:30 and something happens at 9:30 that may jeopardise that. I let said friend know asap so she can adjust accordingly. When I am about to leave house I will ring or text to say I am in my way along with update of how traffic is looking (I live adjacent to major London road so know if traffic is slow moving it affects ALL roads around the areas we both live?. My friends and I try and help each other out wherever possible. Sometimes this means picking something up from shop en-route to save the other a few mins. I wouldn't find up to half an hour after planned meet up rude but would find lack of communicatuin rude. There is 1 lady I know who often drops her daughter really late to an activity both our daughters attend. I have offered to pick her daughter up but she explained she couldn't guarantee her daughter would be up,dressed and ready. I wasn't sure what to say to that!

Haven't read the whole 18 pages (!) but I think if you're meeting someone somewhere you should be within 5-10 mins of agreed time and text to let them know if you're going to be running late.
If it's coming to someone's house / party etc - I make sure I am always a bit late as I find it incredibly stressful people turning up on time! Early is much worse too. Nightmare!

YABU - I hate lateness, it's so rude! It makes me rage quietly inside when people are late.

Just be there when you say you will so that I can plan my own time accordingly.

I hate being late as it's very rude. So I'll get there ten minutes early to avoid being late. So by the time you arrive, ten mins late, I'll have been there 20 minutes and be pretty annoyed. If it were a one off, no problem. If it was almost every time, I'd start leaving at five past frankly. Or just saying no to meeting up.

When people are late it implies that their time is more important than yours. It's okay for you to leave on time but they can never manage it? They know they're keeping you waiting but they don't give a shit.