What's a few minutes between friends

[NottheWhiteRabbit]

I'm interested in people's view points on punctuality.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre etc.

But... for things like meeting a friend for coffee, soft play, walks etc, I would assume the meeting time as an approximate! I'm usually no later than about 10 mins. Is this very bad? I genuinely always aim to be on time but fate always conspire against me and I end up late for various reasons. But it could be because I'm more relaxed about the timing as it's only a leisure/ fun thing. Most of my friends are the same and we end up there about the same time anyway. If i'm the one on time, I'm also personally happy to go in on my own and get started on whatever we are doing or could wait at entrance or in the car. It becomes a problem when I meet a couple of friends who are obviously much more organised but are adamant to wait at the entrance of things, sometimes they're even early so they feel like they've waited a very long time! They do get a bit huffy. But I always text when I'm late, so in fact I'm 5/ 10 mins late but they've waited 20mins let's say, AIBU to think they don't get to be too pissed off?

There is no such thing as controlling time. Your attitude towards it, especially when it's to meet up with friends, yes that needs adjustment.

If you know that meet up is happening at 10:30 and you are always 10 mins late, make sure you leave 10 mins earlier into your departure time. Then you will arrive ON TIME.

Hmmmm this is interesting as I'm By nature a super punctual person, but my partner is pathologically late which drives me mad. However, now I have a child I struggle more to get out of the house on time (there's usually loads of nagging and chivvying along for either of them to get ready) So if we're trying to get out to a meet up with friends ( me plus child) I'm often ten minutes late too, if my partner is coming too then it could be half an hour which embarrasses me enormously! 🙈I think ten minutes is ok, half an hour really isn't. Early people only have themselves to blame though! I'd never berate someone for not being early!!!

I hate this too the worst has to be when the other party obviously thinks the meeting up time is actually the time they leave the house
My dad on the other is always stupidly early

Obviously only me and you run late OP. I don't think it's rude, it happens. Just say "I'll be there around 10ish, go on in just incase in running late" when arranging things. I work full time but take my 7yr old on a play date with my friends once a week. We all arrive at different times. But whoever arrives first just goes in and gets a table. I think it's no big deal and definatly not rude.

But I also think anything more than 10 minutes early without communication is equally rude

I don't understand how being early is rude?? I always have a book in my bag, if I am early anywhere I read. Also the person meeting me wouldn't know?! I only class them as late if they're after the agreed meeting time

Context is everything, I am not going to shit the bed if I am meeting a friend for a drink and I end up nursing a pint for 10 mins reading the paper while I wait for them to arrive. However, if am for instance collecting someone early morning to drive somewhere 200 miles away and it is imperative that we hit the road to avoid traffic and a potentially ball ache of a journey and they answer the door in their dressing gown and have not even packed then tough shit you can make your own way there.

It always amuses me that habitually late people paint themselves as relaxed and kooky, with those who dislike lateness needing to "unclench". Like those of us who manage to be on time are just sooooooooooooo uptight and really need to relax and be like them, when in reality if they could just get over themselves a tiny bit, everyne would be so much happier.

Habitual lateness is a statement. you're saying tht your time is more important than everyone else's. It's rude.

I have a wonderful friend who is always, always late. She knows I hate it, she knows it causes problems with my autistic son who gets really upset if things don't happen when he's expecting them to. Yet still she does it. I love her to bits, but it really grates. I can't understand why she can't just crack on a bit (no MH issues).

OP, if you're meeting friends with small kids, are they frequently late too? Because presumably their children are equally prone to nappy explosions, massaging spaghetti into their hair, etc etc.

I have got slightly more relaxed about people being late for things since the invention of the Kindle, but I still basically regard it as pretty rude if it's regular - it is absolutely saying, as PPs have said, that "my time is more valuable than yours, so you can wait for me".

One of the irritations with late people for fun things is that everyone else goes in, gets sorted, starts chatting and then the late arriver turns up and diverts all the attention onto them, conversations that were in full flow are stopped, all the pleasantries that were done 10 minutes previously have to be done again, it's annoying and disruptive and that's why some people take the view that the late arriver is attention seeking, etc.

You stated in your opening post that you were usually no later than 10 minutes which implies that sometimes you are later than that and that it is a regular occurrence which, if it is, is rather rude and disrespectful.

As others have suggested on here frame the meet up time in less exact terms - 10 to 10.30 on the understanding that you will not be any later than 10.30 unless there is a major level emergency or aliens have abducted you and then those that get there early have nothing to be huffy about.

People take a chill pill. If a friend is always late she's not rude. She's just always late. Accept it! You're rude no to. It's a social ffs you're not a bank manager. Friends are friends and accept that true friends may have a different emphasis on time scheduling. Accept that and stop bitching. If you're that anal about bloody time keeping arrange only to meet up with equally anal prople so you don't offend one another by being late. YOU'RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT! Their child/lover/husband/other friend/bed/coffee/joint/whatever is more important than you. GET OVER IT AND STOP BEING SO NARCISSISTIC! Glad none of you are my 'friends' ffs

I have a 4 year old - I can get to work on time because she doesn't come with me! Outside of work I enjoy not having to rush around and meeting other friends with children should be more relaxed as that is leisure time. If I had any friends that would get huffy if I was 10-15 minutes late, I wouldn't be meeting them again. Too much stress in life already. Good luck OP

Get a life

Quite. I agree

userwhatever who should get a life? And do you realise it looks like you have probably just replied to yourself?

wildbhoysmama you sound exactly like the type of person I'd want to be friends with, especially when you throw in phrases like "rips my knitting" I'm often late and it really stresses me out but I NEVER mean anything by it and I NEVER think my time is more important. I often travel to see friends and the people who've got annoyed with me in the past (who I've cut out cos I really can't deal with the stress of people not accepting you for who you are) and they often forget that you're the one sat in traffic/making an effort etc. All my friends now god bless them are fully accepting of my faults (unintentional lateness is one of them) but love my qualities more so it's no problem, as it wouldn't be for me for them.

Although don't let that stop you SHOUTING VERY LOUDLY TO MAKE YOUR POINT

But it is also the leisure time of the people you are meeting so perhaps have some respect for that too? Don't just assume you can turn up as and when you please.

If you know you are routinely 10 mins late aim to be 10 mins early and you will be on time. Surely not that hard?

17 pages!

I'm on time. Always. I make sure I have time to get the kids ready etc. If anything, I will generally be 10 mins early.

BUT I don't mind people being late. Especially if I'm used to it from a person/group. Where I am it's entirely normal for birthday parties etc. for everyone to be 10-20 mins late, and 30 mins will not be remarked upon.

In fact, once I get to know someone's always late, I'll adjust my timings so I'm not left hanging - no big deal, just like when someone goes shopping and says they'll be 30 mins, I assume they've underestimated and will be an hour, no matter how ardent they are about it.

I hate being late.
It doesn't bother me too much if other people are, but I hate being late myself.

I know people who are always late - so bad I tell them to be there 30 min before they need to be.

My husband is more laid back on punctuality - even in work - and that drives me nuts. I think that's the one time it's more important than ever.

Doesn't matter where I am going - even with 2 kids in tow - I'm either early or on time....we are usually the 1st at school too waiting for doors to open I'm that bad.

If I'm meeting someone who I know is always late, I just get seated/grab a coffee/ queue for tickers or whatever we are doing. Might as well be comfy or productive whilst I wait.

I would rather everyone be on time but sometimes it can't be helped or its just not in their personality to do it.

Some ppl on this thread need to chill out. I was always on time for EVERYTHING then I had kids. Get a life and yes I agree that being a bit late for friends is fine. When did we all get so judgemental. So glad some of you aren't my friends.

I avoid the issue by always saying an approximate time, such as 12-12:30. I always say that although I'll aim for 12 (for example), chances are we arrive at 12:30. I have two under-5s, so there's always something that delay us. I didn't have this issue when I had only one child but I refuse to stress out about times when meeting should be just for fun (meaning I do worry when it's work etc). Therefore, when meeting friends, I always give a bracket of time or I say "after 2pm", or "in the afternoon when my DS has woken from a nap". Avoid setting exact timings, if this is a recurrent theme.

I personally do not mind people being late but I know quite a few that do!

I think you need flexibility on both sides, I'm not sure many people would begrudge a few minutes??? I'm largely on time when I meet people and aim to arrive early but I also rely on public transport so can't guarantee it, I always text or call though if it looks like I'm not going to make it on time.

I hate being late. As a kid I used to nag and complain to my mum the whole school run if it looked like I was going to be late. I take a book/newspaper to read if I'm early somewhere (being a bus walker often means you get to choose being late or early) or I go for a wander.

I understand being late because of last second nappy changes, the dog shitting all over the kitchen etc, we've all been there, but always being late? I'd either stop inviting you or give you a much earlier time so you could sit around for 20 minutes for once.

I am on time for things that require it, getting kids to school, birthday parties, cinema etc.

For meeting friends though, I probably am sometimes 5 or 10 minutes late or we just tend to say 7 ish. Inevitably when I am in my free time, I am more relaxed. It's not a deliberate thing. That's when we are meeting for a day or for a good few hours though. If I knew the other person was on a schedule, lunch hour or something then I would make sure I was there on time.

I don't think I could be good friends with someone that got annoyed over me being 10 minutes late sometimes. I would think they would likely be the type of friend who would get annoyed by other things easily so I don't think we would get on too well.

I have had 'friends' who get annoyed with me not replying to a text message within a few minutes. I really can't live like that. If it's something that needs an immediate answer then if I can, I will answer quickly, but if it's just a general chat then I might get back to them later that day or even the next day.

I am always on time and i consider people who are habitually late to be selfish, self centred, disorganised, attention seeking arses (I'm looking as you, Dsis).

Nothing I have read on this thread has changed that opinion, all I read from the habitually late camp is 'me, me, me, I'm more special than you, me, me'. As I already knew.