What's a few minutes between friends

[NottheWhiteRabbit]

I'm interested in people's view points on punctuality.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre etc.

But... for things like meeting a friend for coffee, soft play, walks etc, I would assume the meeting time as an approximate! I'm usually no later than about 10 mins. Is this very bad? I genuinely always aim to be on time but fate always conspire against me and I end up late for various reasons. But it could be because I'm more relaxed about the timing as it's only a leisure/ fun thing. Most of my friends are the same and we end up there about the same time anyway. If i'm the one on time, I'm also personally happy to go in on my own and get started on whatever we are doing or could wait at entrance or in the car. It becomes a problem when I meet a couple of friends who are obviously much more organised but are adamant to wait at the entrance of things, sometimes they're even early so they feel like they've waited a very long time! They do get a bit huffy. But I always text when I'm late, so in fact I'm 5/ 10 mins late but they've waited 20mins let's say, AIBU to think they don't get to be too pissed off?

MissBax - I'm pursuing the theory that I operate in an alternative time stream. Some days it seems like the only explanation.

In fact I would have managed it if something hadn't come up as I was actually walking out the door that couldn't wait until I got back.

Because getting places early makes me anxious, that's why. Don't ask for it to make sense.

I think yours is probably a specific as relatively unique case, and I genuinely hope you are able to find some help for your PD.
Unfortunately most people I know who are regularly late are just careless. Or what they would call "carefree"

Someone once pointed out to me that when you are waiting for someone who is late it is very difficult not to spend that time thinking of aspects of that person's character that are irritating.

I arranged to meet up with a friend last night - I knew the traffic would be bad so I made sure I left a bit earlier to make sure I was there by the agreed time, she did the same. I don't view the agreed meet up time as a guide, it is the time I need to be there by.
People who are always late really annoy me!!!!

"I think yours is probably a specific as relatively unique case"
Probably. But maybe not, which was sort of my original point - you might make an exception for somebody who's not NT, but you also might not know if they are or not unless they choose to tell you.
Most of the time I'm going to roll my eyes at myself, laugh off my behaviour as "flaky" and leave it at that. I'll apologize, but I won't make excuses.

"its still no reason to disminish the effect you being late can have on other people or try to make them feel guilty for having panic attacks because you think yours are worse."
What I said is that I understand how bad panic attacks can be, and will cancel plans - which sometimes involves not doing something that I would really like to do, not spending time with a person I would like to spend time with, or otherwise inconveniencing myself - in order to prevent them from having to get anxious while waiting for me. What was it you thought I said?

I break out in a cold sweat if I think i'm going to be late and get very stressed if someone i'm meeting is late without letting me know my issues come from being left at home alone with no idea when my mum would be coming home but even without that I can't stand constant lateness.

OP what makes you think your time is more valuable than others?

I detest being late myself, because I hate to inconvenience other people.

I am much more tolerant of other people's lateness - partly because I quite like 10 mins to myself to sit still and be quiet on my own.

OP, you are being entitled and self-absorbed to keep others waiting.

Take it on the chin, learn from it. Don't be a big baby.

Your that person ... your friends arrive at the same time as you because they've learnt that if they say 11am ... you won't be there until 11.15. It's v annoying... if you manage to be on time for 'important' things then you're clearly capable and just choose not to.

I hate people who can't be arsed to turn up on time. It is so disrespectful to whoever they are meeting.

U2 do you not do irony?

Someone I used to work with and at one point considered a friend was late to EVERYTHING. Lessons, assembly, meetings, rehearsals, everything. And then would run over at the end of sessions and get angry if people wanted to leave at the correct time, because, you know, we'd been waiting 10 minutes at the start. It made her almost impossible to work with, and was exhausting. She told me once that she didn't want to waste time waiting for other people, as that was a waste of her time, so she was deliberately late to everything so people would already be there, waiting for her. After she told me that I let the friendship slide, such breathtaking self absorption.

Maybe because you've hijacked the thread to tell a lot of people who don't give a shit that you're off for jiggly time (), that's not envy, wild?
Your posts are a bit... attention seeking. And bizarre. Very very bizarre.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre etc

So you're not physically incapable of getting there on time then. You just can't be arsed when it comes to your friends.
Down on your list of priorities.
People who can't be bothered to get anywhere on time, always leaving the other hanging, really really piss me off.

Now I've had kids I'm more forgiving about lateness as with little ones sometimes an explosive poo or tantrum cab delay by 10 mins, but if everytime someone is late there's always that sort of excuse you know it's a lie (unless child is disabled or other valid excuse).

But agree perpetual lateness is not on particularly if you're kept waiting in public places. Both dh and best friend are naturally not punctual but made it clear I wasn't going to tolerate it and both are much better now.

I can't abide people who are late - and I say that as I am the only one in my family who seemed to inherit my DF's 'punctuality gene'. Both my DB's have form for turning up late wherever you are meeting them. It inconveniences others too. Eg. recently arranged to meet DB & SIL at a cafe for lunch which was near to where DH worked. DH said he would pop out of work for his lunchbreak and join us. DB turned up 1/2 hr late which meant DH only had 1/2 of his lunchbreak left. Also we had gone into cafe and taken a table for 4 and waitress kept asking if we were ready to order. We kept putting it off as we said we were waiting for 2 more people. In the end (no text message from DB or response to mine) we ordered our food and drinks. DB then turned up as we were already eating. The cafe was extremely busy and I think we were not particularly popular for taking up the table for so long.

Other DB sometimes comes and stays with us. I always cook something for dinner that can simmer for hours without spoiling as he never turns up at the appointed hour.

I'm absolutely pathological about being on time but friends who are always late have a foible. That's all. If they are my friends there is much more to the friendship than them having an always being late foible. So whilst it might be annoying it wouldn't affect the friendship for me.

wildbhoysmama your sneering insults and comments are just proving what the majority of posters on this thread are saying about people who are habitually late being rude, selfish, bad mannered and self absorbed.

You also sound incredibly immature.

As I said earlier, I cannot stand it when people are habitually late, it is SO rude.
I think they must be wired differently or something, as DH is incapable of being ready on time.
Say for example we're supposed to be somewhere at 4pm and it's a half hour drive, to me that means you leave the house at 3.15pm or 3.30 at the very latest.
To him that means 3.15pm is the time you start farting about getting ready and dithering about.
Drives me insane.
If we have to be anywhere I always tell him a time an hour after we're really meeting just to make sure we are actually there.
MIL's the exact same so I do the same with her.

Our head of department (Public Sector) was always late for meetings.
He would expect us to cancel everything if he called one at short notice and then wouldn't bother his bollocks to turn up on time (sometimes at all).
My job involved visiting families so that would mean me cancelling at short notice.

After a couple of incidents I refused to do it again. I said I needed notice.
He still turned up late so I would leave if he wasn't there within 20 minutes. Still a long time to wait but I understand that 20 minutes is the acceptable amount of time to wait before leaving. (can't remember why but perhaps someone could back that up?).

I didn't get in trouble because how could I be disciplined for doing my job ie. serving the families I worked for.

It was a total power trip for him and I refused to buy into it.