What's a few minutes between friends

[NottheWhiteRabbit]

I'm interested in people's view points on punctuality.

I'm generally on time for important things like work, interviews, and time critical activities like going to cinema or theatre etc.

But... for things like meeting a friend for coffee, soft play, walks etc, I would assume the meeting time as an approximate! I'm usually no later than about 10 mins. Is this very bad? I genuinely always aim to be on time but fate always conspire against me and I end up late for various reasons. But it could be because I'm more relaxed about the timing as it's only a leisure/ fun thing. Most of my friends are the same and we end up there about the same time anyway. If i'm the one on time, I'm also personally happy to go in on my own and get started on whatever we are doing or could wait at entrance or in the car. It becomes a problem when I meet a couple of friends who are obviously much more organised but are adamant to wait at the entrance of things, sometimes they're even early so they feel like they've waited a very long time! They do get a bit huffy. But I always text when I'm late, so in fact I'm 5/ 10 mins late but they've waited 20mins let's say, AIBU to think they don't get to be too pissed off?

"There are no reasons that are unavoidable. None at all."

Really? I have never missed a plane in my life until yesterday. I was travelling a sort hop flight standby with no luggage from a small regional airport. Think Scotland to the islands. As I'm standby I won't know I'm on until everyone else has checked in so can't get my boarding card until about 40 mins before departure. So I got a train which would get me there an hour before (which would be fine for someone even checking in luggage which is 50 mins for domestic flights on this route). I checked there was a later train which would still get me there in good time if this one was cancelled.

So the train was a fast one and going well. Until it stopped. I'm an area with no reception even for the driver's radio. He was told by a driver going the other way there was a tree blocking the line and there were 4 trains queuing ahead of us. Later we were told it was "multiple signal failure".

So we arrived just after the plane took off. So a night in a nearby hotel (airport one was full of course!) and this morning we have been delayed by fog.

Then once boarded a passenger had to get off and have bags off loaded for health reasons (panic attack) so pushed back again.

I have finally landed and just come through security. I am 15 hours late. "There are no reasons that are unavoidable. None at all."
Rubbish!

And while we're at it, It is absolutely disgusting to blame your kids for you being consistently late. Hundreds upon thousands of parents the world over are having kids and managing to figure it out, budgeting their time so that they are still on time, despite the added responsibilities. You are not late because you are a parent, or because of your children. You are late because you are lazy and selfish

I repeat. Plenty of people are managing to figure it out, even with children. You are not bothering, because you are lazy and selfish

And I actually believe you when you say that sometimes, stuff happens. But I'd bet money that "stuff" doesn't happen every time you're meeting a friend, and never when you're going to work. If your child has a blowout as you're trying to leave, then you TEXT the person you're meeting and say "oops! Little Petunia had a blowout, might be a little late!" But I would also bet money that Petunia has neither the concept of time nor the bodily control to stage one of these blowouts EVERY TIME you're trying to leave to meet a friend, and yet never when you're on the way to work

My bottom line is this
If I say meet me at 10, I expect to see you at 10
If for some reason you can't be there for 10, I expect a text letting me know.

If I am not worth the literal less-than-pennies it costs to send a text to me to let me know the plan have to change slightly, then you are not worth the mental and emotional effort it costs to be friends with someone who clearly doesn't care enough about me to show even the most basic of manners - and Petunia will not wither and die in the thirty seconds she has to wait in her blowout while you send that text

THIS. ^^

And I'm glad I don't work for the boss who said they'd sack someone if they missed a flight!

I'm always on time or early whether it's a formal or informal meeting. My youngest DD now 41 has always been late for everything. It drives me nuts. If we arrange to meet for coffee and we both have to be gone in an hour she will still turn up 15 mins late. Her lack of time-organisation means her DS is always late for parties or play dates.
Tardiness is disrespectful to other people.

And I'm glad I don't work for the boss who said they'd sack someone if they missed a flight!

There is a HUGE difference between missing a flight due to circumstances out of your control. eg, the previous flight arrives late thus delaying yours, accident on the way to the airport delaying traffic for four hours etc, versus thinking you're SO important that the plane will wait for you so you make no effort to be there on time. The latter is not acceptable in the slightest. It just shows how self absorbed, rude and unprofessional the latter person is.

staples said: I am no one's employee - I am self employed and senior in my field so my clients sort of have me, or nothing

lol. Try and spin it any way you like, but it is ultimately a choice to be late, rude and unprofessional.

I'd like to ask how many of the habitually late people will actually mention that when setting a time? Do you say "10am but that could mean anything up to 10.20" or just "10am"?

"Then can I suggest you try to be 20-30 minutes early? 5-15 minutes really isn't any time at all."
I almost never go anywhere that's more than 20 minutes away, an extra 15 minutes should be more than enough time for almost anybody. Literally yesterday I had an appointment at 12:30 roughly a 5 minute walk from my house - my plan was to leave at 12:20, giving myself twice the amount of time I needed to actually get there - I arrived 2 minutes late.

"Interesting use of language, you will be anxious but they will only be upset?"
Does being anxious not upset you? A panic attack can upset my entire week, or even longer.
Interesting use of language indeed, actually knowing two words that can be used to describe the same situation.

I'm regularly late to baby/toddler group (about 10-20 mins), and as no one is specifically waiting for me I don't think it matters. Dd has a nap before we go, and the lady who runs the group says she'd rather people be late than not come at all.

When it comes to appointments or meeting with friends, I'm almost always on time or early. If occasionally I am running late (dd needs her nappy changed, I have an ibs issue etc), then I always text to let them know. I do have a friend who is always about half an hour late (no children), so I never bother being 'on time' when I'm meeting her, my sister is the same.

Literally yesterday I had an appointment at 12:30 roughly a 5 minute walk from my house - my plan was to leave at 12:20, giving myself twice the amount of time I needed to actually get there - I arrived 2 minutes late.
Your problem is your aiming to get there AT 12.30 - the time of your apt. What if there's a queue at the docs? I would always aim to get there 10 mins before. If you'd done that and left at 12.10 you couldn't have been late.

Your problem is your aiming to get there AT 12.30 - the time of your apt. What if there's a queue at the docs? I would always aim to get there 10 mins before. If you'd done that and left at 12.10 you couldn't have been late.
That's exactly how I look at it. I find the closer someone lives to where they're going, the more likely they are to be late, as they time everything to the last second.
The most reliable people at work are those who live the furthest away, as they are the ones who actually allow enough time to get to work.

Agreed - I would never aim to get somewhere for the exact time my appt or meeting is. If you start work at 9 and it takes 15 minutes to get you surely don't leave at 8.45? That's the time I would aim to arrive so would leave at 8.30 latest.

Now U2, if any vocabulary / phrasing has got u irate, talk to the wall as the face ain't listening, love.

Are you 12?

I hate lateness. If meeting in a public place I would leave after 10 minutes. I've got better things to do than hang around waiting for someone to grace me with their presence.

As for people who turn up early - get a life!

I don't have a life because I would rather be early than late? I have a reasonably busy and fulfilled life and still manage to be on time or early. Not hours early but I often spend 10 minutes in the car waiting to be on time. I love it, great time to read.

Being punctual is important to me. My friends wouldn't turn up late to me being huffy because if it was a regular thing I wouldn't meet up with them at all.

I hate lateness, such a bad habit. My dad is always late so we just tell him everything happens 30 minutes before it actually does and he might just make it.

Both DH and I would rather be an hour early than 1 minute late. In fact a wedding we wine to recently we left two hours before the time we needed to be there and it was a 35 minute drive. That's how much we hate being late.

As for people who turn up early - get a life!

This comment from the OP felt goady and entitled.

I felt it says a lot about OP and her attitude to themselves and other people.

People who turn up early are the people who factor in all the potential, foreseeable everyday issues that may delay them out of respect to the person they are meeting.

They haven't encountered them so they are early.

Pretty sure they do have "a life", they just recognise that other people do too.

OP: I'm interested in people's view points on punctuality.

OP: 99% of my friends don't sweat this kind of thing so I shan't worry about it.

So the thread was a wind-up.

"Your problem is your aiming to get there AT 12.30"
No, I was aiming to get there AT 12:25.
If it takes me 5 minutes (at most) to walk there then how do you figure that giving myself 10 minutes meant that I was trying to get there on time? I have dyscalculia and even I don't come up with that number.

Ninja - AND YET YOU DIDN'T MAKE IT ON TIME AT ALL!!!!! 😂 😂 😂 obviously something is working...

Francis I have a Panic Disorder and I am almost never NOT anxious. My panic attacks come with disassociation as well - the term "blind panic", as it turns out, isn't a metaphor. I find it very upsetting and can remain upset for days or even weeks afterwards.
I also find it very upsetting to know that I might be causing that sort of distress to somebody else, which is why it makes my anxiety worse, which is why I'll cancel plans if I think it's going to happen.

Ninja - if you're almost always anxious, why make things more difficult for yourself? Just leave with plenty of time, not 5 mins extra.