Wife's SAHM attitude is getting too much

[DesperateDanny]

My wife's been a SAHM for the last 9 yrs but both our kids are now at school with the youngest about to finish P1 and i feel like I'm having the piss taken out of me. We both had careers before kids and agreed that my wife would give up for parenthood - cost of childcare, wanting to be there for the kids many of the reasons. We didn't discuss what happened after the kids went to school though.

I work full time with a bit of a commute on either end so i'm out of the house 5 days a week, my wife drops the kids off just before 9, picks up after 3 and essentially has 6 hrs/ 5 days a week with no kids. despite this household chores, food shopping, etc get divided exactly 50/50 at the weekends and any time i mention it i get shouted down with a barrage of "you'd have me chained to the sink" arguments. during the day, as far as i can tell her time is spent, going to the gym, shopping, meeting friends, getting haircuts etc. the thing that's really got to me was that during an argument about it last weekend she said that she's earned time to herself after looking after the kids for so many years.

I'm now so frustrated and bitter about it almost anything on this topic really gets to me - how come if you use the milk at breakfast it takes me to go and get some more in the evening? why if the bin is emptied at 9am is it still at the bottom of the drive when i get in, all of these petty things are really getting me down. What's more it seems she's got a group of very like minded SAHM friends who seemingly encourage her to stand her ground.

I don't know when she became so entitled or how she manages to tell me she's really too busy during the day to do x,y, and z with a straight face but I'm at my wits end, i thought that as our youngest got settled in P1 that she might think about maybe returning to PT work or at the very least do some of the work we do at the weekend to free up family time but it's getting worse and I'm really struggling to see a way out of it.

I'd really like to hear from other SAHMs r.e. when their kids went to school.

Expect her to get a job but you have to actually do half the pick ups. And arrange child care when you can't. And remember to buy uniform and get shoes fitted and cook half the dinners. Don't expect her to make as much as you as she's given 9 years of service to your kids and not a career

My mum did all this while working 40 hours a week and doing PhD. So what?

So your mum was domestic goddess, so what?

Could have all been avoided by you becoming a sahd

She's taking the piss. Don't know what your resolution is though.

If any man was doing that he'd be called a lot worse.

Doesn't look like the OP is coming back. Just a shit-and-run and he leaves the skidmarks for someone else to clear up. There is absolutely no way of knowing if HIDU or SIBU without knowing a whole load of details.

Maybe he got put off by all the troll hunting...

Sounds like she's taking the piss to me. If the kids are in school she should be picking up all the house hold cleaning, shopping etc during the school day leaving the weekends free for family time.

I don't see why a sahm of school age dc cannot do all the housework,

I don't see why a sahm of school age dc cannot do all the housework

So the day to day clearing up after meals, tidying up, cooking etc at the weekend all falls to the sahm as well...?

This thread is hilarious!!

The excuses!!! Longing out 'household admin' for 6 hours a day!? Clearing up after breakfast. Takes 10 mins.

The time has come to leave the bitch. Lazy lazy lazy.

U2.
I have loads of admin to do because my kids do loads of extra curricular activities.
How much admin you have to do is completely irrelevant to how much admin another family needs to do.

If she is organising stuff/ringing the plumber/making fancy dress outfit for child/baking cake for school bake sale etc etc, then you need to be more understanding.

6 hours a day, 5 days a week? Yeah right.

I work FT, as does DH- we still have to do the organising, making, baking, admin shite around that. As do most people. Does anyone think that dc with working parents somehow don't need forms filling out/ payments making/ appointments arranging? Come off it!

I couldn't cope with such a lazy partner and would have got rid a long time ago.

It doesn't take all day to do admin regardless of the number of clubs a child does!

Amazes me that working parents manage to do it all and work yet some manage to do so very little.

Does no-one else wonder why all these 'men' decide to have families and then spend the rest of their lives arguing about how they can get out of being a part of the family?
Being a member of a family involves shouldering some of the responsibility - not just swanning in for the photo ops (which your DW organises, books and pays for).
It's about teaching your DCs what a good, balanced relationship looks like so they don't end up like Yolo - being completely dismissive of the fact that one parent carried the burden of organising family life simply because they were female. It's about teaching DCs that the value of a person doesn't relate to their pay packet.

Wtf GwenStaceyRocks, when did I say that?
My dad did his 50/50 share of the housework and "wifework"! In fact he entertained my brother and cooked while my mum did PhD in the evenings, also after a full time job. He cooks 7 days a week still.

*organising stuff/ringing the plumber/making fancy dress outfit for child/baking cake for school bake sale

Filling in forms for trips for Ds
Acknowledging his report
Replying to any request that Ds takes part in any sporting event.
Paying dinner money.
Paying for school photos online and filling form in.
Filling in passport applications/driving license for Ds
Filling in the medical questionnaire for Ds when he moves up to year 7.
Filling in forms for dogs to stay with boarding company.*

Again, stuff my parents did in 5 mins in the evenings. All these "chores" you guys are describing hardly take 6 hours a day! And baking for the school bake sale is not a "necessity".

Wondering what the fuck their wives do all day whilst they work and the kids are at school.. you only have to look at the threads on here to understand a large percentage of working women don't know what they do all day either.

Agree. If your kids are at school, I don't understand what you do all day either. In my town it seems to be brunch, gym, nails, hair. The woman at my work says the mums at her primary school mainly gossip and get spa treatments after the gym.

What is the female equivalent of a cocklodger?

A "good relationship" is where both people contribute an equal amount, not where one person works hard and the other one swans about doing naff all, like OP's situation.

Cuntlodger! I may have said it already on this thread.

Figaro a vagina recliner

How tidy and clean do you like your house? Are you someone who likes it immaculate and her standards are a bit lower? Does she genuinely do next to nothing or is she running around doing chores but then has to draw a line and earmark some time to herself? Which means chores are left unfinished.

I would expect her to have a couple of hours to herself each day after doing some housework, night wakes, childcare, gardening, house organisation or DIY. You have a lunch break, but do you do other relaxing/social activities?

My DH still picks up milk or puts the kids to bed. Small things mid week. At weekends he does about 20% of the household chores and 50% of the childcare.