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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'I don't drive' is not a valid excuse?

534 replies

peppatax · 26/05/2017 08:40

Two parts to this really, I don't know many adults that don't drive to ask but if you don't drive, can I ask why not?

Second part I guess is if you don't drive, do you expect others to accommodate you or make allowances for you solely on the basis of not driving?

OP posts:
LovelyBath77 · 26/05/2017 10:01

Sorry I missed the second part.

Can't drive due to medical donation due to DVLA.

I walk everywhere, DH does drive the DC when needed but as they get older they walk or take the bus. HTH.

LovelyBath77 · 26/05/2017 10:01

medical condition, I meant.

BadgersBum · 26/05/2017 10:02

I have a friend who can't drive but can manage to get within about 1/4 a mile of my house on public transport, but expects me to drive over to hers to see her all the time, which I did for about 20 years until she started 'checking in' on places on FB - including the church hall which is literally at the end of my street.

This could be why I've not seen her except for on FB for over 6 years despite her constantly saying we should get together and when do I want to come over.

Alpanini · 26/05/2017 10:03

Erm because lessons + car + test + insurance + c-charge + petrol + tax would cost the same as my mortgage and even though I'd love to learn we're barely scraping by each month as it is. What an odd question.

YoloSwaggins · 26/05/2017 10:03

Why do you sound so bitter?

I don't drive because I took 60 lessons, failed twice and did really dangerous stuff in lessons - sped up when I saw kids, drove through red lights, almost crashed at junction, knocked off someone's mirror. Decided it would be best not to kill myself/others.

I don't want to waste my money on lessons and a car and insurance when I DON'T NEED TO - I live close to London near the train, all my friends are in London. I have never been to a place where I can't get there by train. I only get in cars when people were already going!

I never expect others to accommodate me - I never ask for lifts! I cycle and get public transport!

What a horrible post.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 26/05/2017 10:03

I don't drive but finally learning again and no don't expected or rely on anyone to accomdate me. Many of child party invites I have had to decline because unable to get to location. I don't tell them why as don't want to put it on them.

I gave up learning as was working in Central London and out at weekend on razzle dazzle, then I had bus/train access.

I'm learning now as live in Timbuktu with expensive bus travel that is limited to where can go. But it's expensive learning and I still don't expect or ask anyone to drive me places.

coffeeaddict · 26/05/2017 10:04

I passed my test but got out of the habit. I work from home and have worked out that it costs WAY less to take cabs/trains when I need them than to keep a car. I give a local taxi firm lots of employment.

Alpanini · 26/05/2017 10:05

And of course I don't expect people to accommodate me -- I walk, cycle and live in a part of the UK with amazing public transport (which sadly is super expensive, hence me not having enough £ for lessons).

Grapeeatingweirdo · 26/05/2017 10:05

This again. I'm so sick of this "you're not an adult until your parents buy you lessons at 17, buy you a car and send you on your merry way". fuck off.

Parents were on disability benefits, I have very bad eyesight, anxiety and autism. Do you REALLY want me behind the wheel of a car?

No one "helps" me get about. I walk or bus everywhere and just make sure I live on major bus routes and that work is also on one.

If I am invited somewhere inaccessible, I grab a lift with someone going the same way and pay for petrol.

PickAChew · 26/05/2017 10:06

I don't drive because I never needed to for years and also because my hand eye coordination is really poor.

I know bus timetables in my region inside out, though 😁

putdownyourphone · 26/05/2017 10:06

I don't drive because I have lived in 2 major cities where driving hasn't been worthwhile. I couldn't even park my car where I currently live.

I walk/gets taxis/uber/trains if I need to go anywhere. Yes sometimes it is an inconvenience and I do want to learn one day soon, but I don't expect anything from anyone and I don't think it's an 'excuse'.

Chattymummyhere · 26/05/2017 10:07

I don't drive. My dh drove when we first met and I didn't need to as I was a student. Now I don't because I can think of much better things to spend money on and yet again dh drives.

YoloSwaggins · 26/05/2017 10:07

What is your valid excuse for unnecessarily polluting the planet, choosing such a sedentary and unhealthy means of transport and adding to the great many cars causing accidents?

Exactly. I see a lot more morbidly obese people driving what could have been a 5 minute walk than people on trains or bicycles! Get off your high horse and judging others for their lifestyle choices.

ExConstance · 26/05/2017 10:07

DS1 passed his driving test aged 17 after 8 lessons. He has not driven since he got out of the car after his driving test and is now 26.Another dear friend of mine is 61 this year, she has also not driven since the day she passed her driving test aged 17. The explanation is that they both live in London and there is no point. Sons says he would need a refresher course if he moved to the country, friend says she is past re-learning now.

Holidaytime17 · 26/05/2017 10:08

Hardly anyone I am friends with drives here. I have been driving for 2 years, but we usually walk places when out with friends.

Juanbablo · 26/05/2017 10:09

I don't drive because I've never had the opportunity or funds to learn. We can't afford to run two cars either. It's on my to-do list for this year though. I never expect others to help. If I'm really stuck I will ask a family member but would never expect them to help and I would never ask a friend.

Badcat666 · 26/05/2017 10:09

I don't drive and never bothered to pass my test (I did try and didn't like it) but live in an area with excellent train and bus routes and use them to get to work each day or for going out and about so have no need for a car. (Plus parking where I live is a nightmare) I can get to the coast for a day with some planning on the trains or to visit family. I get my main shopping delivered. So to me not driving is a no brainer as I don't need the use of a car.

But if I lived in an area with poor transport links then I would have made myself learn to drive.

It's all about need, not being lazy or making an excuse.

illneverknowwhereigo · 26/05/2017 10:10

Why didn't you just start a thread to bitch about your colleague then?!

I didn't pass my test until I was 29.

I was a very fearful driver when I first learned to drive at 17 - my abusive mother used to take me out in her car when I was a learner and screech at me that I was doing everything wrong, grip onto the seat and basically make me feel like death on wheels.

So I completely lost confidence. It didn't matter, I lived in a city where owning a car was a hindrance as parking was so poor and I got the bus/train everywhere very happily.

I only learned at 29 as we moved somewhere with rubbish public transport and I was pregnant.

I don't know what you mean about an 'excuse'. My 'excuse' for not driving for over years was because I was terrified of it and convinced I would kill someone.

OhhBetty · 26/05/2017 10:10

It's really really expensive to learn and then run a car. I'm actually teaching my best friend to drive in my car! I was very very lucky and had my dad teach me. (I had lessons too paid for by my job whilst taking my A levels). My friend doesn't have that option for various reasons so I like to pay it forward and help where I can.
Perhaps you could do the same OP

peaceout · 26/05/2017 10:11

We should be congratulated for not adding to the pollution and traffic congestion
We should also be congratulated for saving the NHS resources by walking or cycling places jnstead of being one of those lazy fuckers who drives even the shortest of distances

firawla · 26/05/2017 10:11

I passed one year ago, at 29 years old and pregnant with dc4! I'm so glad to finally have the license (did test 7 times over the years!) but I'm still not at the stage where I really enjoy driving. Dh loves it, so any long routes that we go as a family he tends to do it and I mainly drive very locally to drop the kids to activities, supermarket etc. I really do need to push myself and get more practise in long distance though. To be honest i still feel it does hold me back, cos I have to really check the routes carefully before I go and am not yet super confident. I will encourage my kids to learn at 17 if possible.
I hadn't done lessons at 17 as one of my brothers did lessons and then never got on with doing the test so my parents said it's a waste of money! (Thanks bro!!) then went to uni in London and lived there for years afterwards, where I had no problem getting public transport everywhere even with double buggies. We moved out to zone 5 a few years ago though and really needed the car here. Dh learned really quickly as soon as we moved (he grew up in central London so hadn't done it) but it took me years

Clandestino · 26/05/2017 10:12

I learned driving as a late learner, in my twenties, thus had zero financial support from my parents, unlike my brother and sister.
I have always thought I don't have a "driver's brain". For years I'd been telling myself that I would never be able to drive because I would panic, no spatial intelligence, etc. etc.
But I decided that I needed to do it to be more independent. Now I drive almost every day because I commute to work and where we live you simply have to drive, otherwise you won't get anywhere or if you will, it takes ages.
I don't mind people who don't drive but I mind people who don't and expect others to accommodate them. There'd be those who expect others to provide free lifts, expect you to only meet close where they live for lunch because they can't be bothered to take a longer journey on a public transport to get anywhere and when they do, they spent the entire time hinting you owe them a lift back to where they live even though it's in the opposite direction of where you live yourself.
I also had a colleague who wasn't a driver, neither her husband. After their baby was born and as they were both cycling, they would carry their baby in a shopping basket on their bikes. Mad.

Goldenhandshake · 26/05/2017 10:12

Failed twice which massively dented my confidence. Couldn't afford lessons and more tests for a number of years. Started again and struggled to fit it all in around work and kids.

We also have no spare parking space which massively disincentivises me to drive.

YoloSwaggins · 26/05/2017 10:12

We should also be congratulated for saving the NHS resources by walking or cycling places jnstead of being one of those lazy fuckers who drives even the shortest of distances

Yeah, I had a friend who complained she couldn't lose weight but then she drove a

ALittleMop · 26/05/2017 10:13

I don't drive
I had a few lessons aged 19. The driving instructor attempted to assault me, I gave up.
I have always lived in cities and have never needed to drive. DH drives and we have a car but he cycles to work mostly and we only use it for camping holidays and the odd trip to the tip. I never expect people to facilitate my non-driving. I will sometimes accept a lift from people who are going to the same things as me but I would never want anyone to go out of their way.

What I really don't understand is why my not being able to drive seems to offend people like the OP.

(also a former boss, an older, wiser woman, said to me when I was in my first job "never learn drive or type, or if you can, never let on because people will expect you to do that for them")

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