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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'I don't drive' is not a valid excuse?

534 replies

peppatax · 26/05/2017 08:40

Two parts to this really, I don't know many adults that don't drive to ask but if you don't drive, can I ask why not?

Second part I guess is if you don't drive, do you expect others to accommodate you or make allowances for you solely on the basis of not driving?

OP posts:
corythatwas · 26/05/2017 09:38

My late FIL continued driving long after he was quite clearly putting others at risk.

I refuse to even try, after several near-misses on a bike, though I probably could blag my way through a medical.

And according to the OP, I am the selfish one.

Original poster
peppatax · 26/05/2017 09:39

Going back to my previous posts, the excuses/allowances point still stands - why should non drivers not have to work weekends or awkward shifts on the basis that they can't due to public transport?

OP posts:
ISaySteadyOn · 26/05/2017 09:39

Dyspraxia and no peripheral vision in my left eye keep me off the roads. Surely, all you drivers would rather that people who are self aware enough to realise they could be a danger didn't drive? They are reducing congestion and danger. But that never seems the case hence these threads. Drivers would rather sneer at those who don't and non drivers have to justify why they don't.

Lovelycardigan · 26/05/2017 09:40

Oh and aside from getting to work, I literally walk everywhere or get a bus if the distance is too far. I rarely get a bus though, as luckily I'm walking distance to town/attractions etc.

I actually managed to go camping 50miles away in the middle of nowhere by taking the bus. Took 3 buses and a short taxi ride. I quite enjoyed it. You can get to a lot of places with a bit of planning.

Poudrenez · 26/05/2017 09:40

I don't drive because I live in London where you don't need a car. I think it's irresponsible to drive here for several reasons.

I don't expect others to accommodate me.

OP. What's your excuse for polluting our air?

Original poster
peppatax · 26/05/2017 09:40

corythatwas no, I agree - plenty of people are on the roads that shouldn't be.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 26/05/2017 09:41

sorry, peppa, misread your post.

Do you get my other points though? That:

complaining about public transport/lack thereof is no worse than complaining about MOT, car breaking down, traffic jams etc- which drivers do all the time

driving as the default option is killing people through pollution

pressurising people into driving even if there are good reasons they shouldn't (e.g. lack of spatial awareness) could cost lives

if we had the will we could build a society where non-drivers did not feel at a disadvantage all the time- other countries have managed it

MinkowskisButterfly · 26/05/2017 09:41

I don't drive for a couple of reasons, I have dyspraxia, I tried in a manual (no automatic driving instructors at the time) and I couldn't manage it. Now there are, I can't afford to learn, let alone run a car.

glitterglitters · 26/05/2017 09:42

I have my license but I didn't pass till I was 28 and a year ago I had a near miss on a roundabout that's left me terrified of driving. So I tend to walk/use public transport etc.

I learnt to drive really late because I lived in London from 18-23 so had no reason to at the time.

OnnaNoHito · 26/05/2017 09:42

I don't drive, and I doubt I ever will.
I use public transport or a taxi, unless someone offers me a lift.

notsmartenough · 26/05/2017 09:43

I learned to drive at the grand old age of 29 because I felt I ought to.
Rightly or wrongly I felt inadequate that I couldn't drive and felt I had to prove that I was at least capable.

I hated driving and all of the responsibilities of car ownership so got rid of my car and stuck to public transport.

I would ask for lifts to meetings when colleagues were going anyway (and could claim passenger allowance) but not for anything else.
People usually offered anyway.

Otherwise I was happy with public transport or the occasional taxi.
I have a bus pass now and luckily live in an area very well served by public transport.

Mumchance · 26/05/2017 09:43

I don't drive. I also don't owe you an explanation of why I don't. It might be different were I continually badgering you for lifts, but I get around perfectly adequately and punctually via walking, cycling and public transport. I am not clogging up the road you drive on in my car, or filling your work car park, or cutting you up at roundabouts.

If you have a problem with a particular non-driver who is leeching off you, then say so, don't elevate it it to some issue with all non-drivers.

ThatItBe · 26/05/2017 09:44

There have been threads the reverse of this in which it has been opined that not being able to drive is crap.
I don't drive. When I was young I lived in a city with excellent public transport and couldn't afford to learn or run a car.
When I was in my 20s I commuted in London and although I could have afforded a car really didn't need one.
When I had children and could really have done with a car I couldn't afford it.
Now I walk a lot and get lifts sometimes from friends and relatives. I don't like to rely on that though.

ParisOnWheels · 26/05/2017 09:44

I don't drive for medical reasons. But a lot of acquaintances are insistent that I need to learn. The phrase "wheelchair users can drive you know." gets said to me a lot. This is true but there's more to my disability than my chair. People who dont know me can't understand how I manage. The reality is there is only one place I go to semi regularly that I cant get to independently but even if I could I'd need a carer there anyway (I rarely need carers with me)

corythatwas · 26/05/2017 09:44

Mumchance sums it up:

If you have a problem with a particular non-driver who is leeching off you, then say so, don't elevate it it to some issue with all non-drivers.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 26/05/2017 09:45

I won't drive. I did learn when I was 17 but then I went to uni in London and stayed there so a car was pretty useless (and unparkable) even if I had been able to afford one.

Now I've moved out of London and in the last two years I can think of two occasions when a car would have been useful. On both of these occasions I would have had to have a second car because my husband was using ours so it seems slightly moot. However I live in a town with a train station nearby and all my work is in large cities that are best reached by train or plane any way.

Depending where you live and what your job is having a car is not always necessary. Personally I think we rely on cars far too much and it would do us all good to have been public transport and greener options generally... although I will concede having a family car for the last 5 years or so has been handy except in London where we used to forget which street a gazillion miles away it was parked on

Op, your colleague sounds like a bit of a tit and the non-driving is incidental, not causal. If it wasn't the driving it would be something else about her that pissed you off.

Original poster
peppatax · 26/05/2017 09:45

complaining about public transport/lack thereof is no worse than complaining about MOT, car breaking down, traffic jams etc- which drivers do all the time

Of course they do and I'm not saying that's okay either! Quite a lot has been taken out of context here but like I say, didn't know that the non-driving population would get quite so defensive!

OP posts:
itsonlysubterfuge · 26/05/2017 09:45

I have anxiety about driving. It's a fear. I do expect my family to take considerations about my not driving and they do.

GabsAlot · 26/05/2017 09:47

i know what u mean op

its the self entitled oh i can do it but dont want to but i'll make a point of being late etc

its just attention seeking

paxillin · 26/05/2017 09:48

I don't drive. I live in central London. Do I expect people to accommodate me or make allowances? Nope, but I will just not come if a location requires driving. So if my attendance is required the venue will indeed have to be reachable by bike or public transport. I don't give a shit if it is a "valid excuse", it is a reason at any rate.

corythatwas · 26/05/2017 09:48

peppatax Fri 26-May-17 09:45:35
"complaining about public transport/lack thereof is no worse than complaining about MOT, car breaking down, traffic jams etc- which drivers do all the time

Of course they do and I'm not saying that's okay either! Quite a lot has been taken out of context here but like I say, didn't know that the non-driving population would get quite so defensive!"

I think that is very much to do with the way you phrased your OP. Let's face it, starting a thread with the caption AIBU to think 'I don't drive' is not a valid excuse? hardly smacks of the intention to recognise that drivers are just as wrong to complain. You will find that people respond to what you actually put down on the page: that is all they have to go on.

Floggingmolly · 26/05/2017 09:49

I don't drive (usually). I can drive, but I prefer not to; so I organise my life so that, barring emergencies, I don't have to. This includes paying a massive premium whilst choosing our house to be beside excellent public transport links.
I have never cadged a lift in my life. And I "excuse" myself to nobody.
Does that answer your question, op?

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 26/05/2017 09:50

harshbuttrue1980

But I think consideration has to go both ways.

Currently an meal out is being planned, there are several different destinations including two rather large towns where transport is accessible some of the bus journeys may take about an hour but it's rather easy. Now a person has suggested a place where it's awkward to get to by public transport, it's an 1 hour and 57 minutes journey due to no direct bus lines so it involves several buses and long waiting times. It's also a longer car journey, than any of the previous meal outs, for many of the people attending including the one who suggested it.To the person who suggested this, it's 20 minute extra journey in her car, for me it's waiting at several bus stops, one which is an desolate place, for most of my journey. I'm going to cancel and I know a few people will think I'm being awkward, but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

MouseholeCat · 26/05/2017 09:50

If your workplace is making a decisions unfairly in favour of non-drivers, then they are potentially BU. Unless it's a job which allows people to broadly stipulate their shift patters and the flexibility extends to all groups (e.g. those with caring responsibility or medical conditions).

However, you've not started from the point of making this AIBU situation specific, instead extrapolated your specific situation to non-drivers in general and then honed it back via a drip-feed. Hence people aren't validating your position.

I'm another non-driver by choice who uses a bike and public transport. I can drive, but I prefer not to contribute to air pollution, and we're saving for a house so a car would slow that down.

Original poster
peppatax · 26/05/2017 09:51

However, you've not started from the point of making this AIBU situation specific, instead extrapolated your specific situation to non-drivers in general and then honed it back via a drip-feed. Hence people aren't validating your position.

I know it wasn't worded right but I was also interested in why people didn't drive so perhaps would have been better in chat

OP posts: