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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'I don't drive' is not a valid excuse?

534 replies

peppatax · 26/05/2017 08:40

Two parts to this really, I don't know many adults that don't drive to ask but if you don't drive, can I ask why not?

Second part I guess is if you don't drive, do you expect others to accommodate you or make allowances for you solely on the basis of not driving?

OP posts:
harshbuttrue1980 · 26/05/2017 09:25

People who cant get themselves around ate a pain. I don't mind whether someone drives or not (I only passed when I was 22 and working so could afford lessons), but non drivers have to be able to get around by public transport and not expect all plans to revolve around them. I used to do online dating and it was a pain...i live in berks and used to date men in London without cars. They would always expect to meet in London rather Tha taking turns, selfish buggers!

PlumPuzzle · 26/05/2017 09:25

I have no sense of spacial awareness, so I think I'd be pretty dangerous on the road. Just being a passenger makes me nervous.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/05/2017 09:25

user that is great but all the 'bloody-mindedness' in the world won't help some people do it.

allowlsthinkalot · 26/05/2017 09:26

But a valid excuse for what? What do non drivers need an excuse for?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/05/2017 09:26

Being unable to drive is not the same as not being able to get around or expecting someone to ferry them around.

HTH

allowlsthinkalot · 26/05/2017 09:27

Oh, forgot to say I'm also bloody terrified. Even as a passenger.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/05/2017 09:27

Exactly allow - so what valid excuse do people have for cluttering up the roads, causing pollution, driving like twats etc? 🤔

catlover1987 · 26/05/2017 09:27

I can't drive. I have tried several times over the years and just cannot do it. I suffer with anxiety and I just find it so difficult.

However, I've made huge efforts to still be independent and walk a mile or so back and forth to the train station every day. Yes, inevitably, there will be times where I need a lift from DH if public transport is not practical but on the whole, I try not to ask for lifts from people as I don't like being a burden.

At the moment, not driving is not a huge issue but I do slightly worry it will make life more difficult when we have a DC.

allowlsthinkalot · 26/05/2017 09:28

And no, I can't get around easily, we live rurally. We do catch buses. It's a massive pita...to me.

Original poster
peppatax · 26/05/2017 09:28

I think swimming is a life skill though in that it can save your life? Can see how people manage without swimming but can't see how learning to swim adequately to potentially save your life is a silly idea

OP posts:
BiddyPop · 26/05/2017 09:29

Having driven but not had my own car until 31 (had access to one some of the time but not all), and having dropped back to 1 car for 3 years again until early last year (family circa meant we needed 2 again), I never expected others to go out of their way for me.

I walked lots locally and occasionally used my bike. There are plenty of buses and trains, and taxis too. We used to also hire cars when we really needed 2, which worked ok. Overall, the cost of transport other than a car was a lot less, but after DFIL died, DH had to spend much longer at DMIL's house and we needed a car here at home too so it was unsustainable. We might yet go back to 1 car ( but I am loving the mini that I got as the run-around Grin so I may not give it up so easily as my old golf).

I found lots of others couldn't understand how we managed without 2 and I got lots of offers of lifts etc, but I quite enjoy public transport too so I was happy. Once you have decent shoes/boots and coats for rain or whatever weather, then there's no problem.

silentsigh · 26/05/2017 09:30

I can't drive because I have epilepsy. Thankfully I'm in London so it won't affect me too much.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/05/2017 09:31

Because I couldn't learn to swim, despite all efforts. I don't need it as I don't go anywhere that I would ever use it. Will I ever be near enough to water that I may drown? No. Do I have children that I have to take to the swimming pool? No. Does my lack of swimming and driving bother anyone else but me? No

DJBaggySmalls · 26/05/2017 09:31

Technically I could move a car from A to B but was never a good driver, so I used to refuse to drive rather than risk being the cause of an accident.
Now I'm too disabled to drive. It annoys me that so many people treat driving as either a right or something all adults should be able to do.

Most people cant train a dog or ride a horse well. I dont find it difficult. But its a complex set of skills and I don't deride other people for not being able to do it.

redshoeblueshoe · 26/05/2017 09:32

I was given a lift home by a colleague once, she offered as she had to pass my house.
Never ever again would I get in her car. How the fuck she passed her test is a mystery to me.
We do actually have public transport outside London Shock
But parking is a joke
Pollution is dreadful - its killing people.
I don't expect lifts, and when we go to the pub we walk or use public transport.
Her employer can deal with the lateness.
I'm more annoyed with twats who shouldn't be driving
HTH

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/05/2017 09:32

And I didn't say learning to swim was a silly idea. The idea of it being an essential life skill for someone who goes nowhere near swimming pools or the sea IS a silly idea

corythatwas · 26/05/2017 09:33

In that sense, peppa, driving is not a life skill. Very unlikely to save your life and may even endanger it. Certainly, as has been pointed out, the attitude of driving as the default option is already causing many pollution-related deaths in this country.

If people with poor spatial awareness or tendency to panic attacks in traffic are pressurised into driving because non-driving is seen as the selfish option, then even more people will be putting others at risk.

BiddyPop · 26/05/2017 09:34

We had gone to 2 cars when DD was a baby, and she used to commute with us in and out of work (Creche close) but we used public transport mostly (DG cycled with her on the back and odd get bus home) for 3 years of that once she was old enough. Starting school was again tricky ( after school club at the end of long days was too far from home to walk with her) but from y1 to y4 we only had 1 car and that was fine. I still did lots on Public transport.

And we all have our Oyster equivalent which does make it easier.

Lovelycardigan · 26/05/2017 09:35

I'm 35 and taking test soon. I was petrified of driving and didn't really have a spare £200 quid a month to dedicate to lessons. My parents never offered to help when I was younger.

I admit I did avoid learning. I'm not particularly confident and my OH pushed me to learn as he had to give me lifts to work. The only reason my OH had been willing in the first place was because I bought the cars! I'm glad he did push me. If I pass, I'm literally only going to drive to the supermarket or to work in the beginning. My OH will still need to give me a lift at time as we'll only run one car and is happy with that.

It has cost me well over £1000 pounds to learn (and still counting) and getting over a massive fear. I know loads of people who gave up due to cost or simply feeling they are 'not meant to drive'. I know one guy who passed but decided he was a liability and continued to take the train. Others have had their licence taken away due to illness. One friend took 7 attempts to pass, but did eventually. How long did it take you OP? Why did you post this? Is someone nagging you for lifts? You are entitled to say no.

CherriesInTheSnow · 26/05/2017 09:35

Make allowances? Are you fucking kidding me?

I use public transport because driving is shit for the environment, and I dont want to waste my money on a car when I prefer to spend it on other things. I don't expect any individuals to "make allowances" for me,nor do I feel I need any "excuse" for my decision.

WTF Hmm

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/05/2017 09:35

You know MN is probably the only place where people judge others for not having certain physical skills? If you don't need them you don't need them.

Wow2806 · 26/05/2017 09:35

I don't drive... I tried but gave up

After living in London for a spell and seeing how they drive round there.. ie Marble Arch omg.

Also have the concentration span of a knat and I actually rather like living. Rather than being dead.

Does that make me somewhat of a failure or unworthy.... Smile

FfionFlorist · 26/05/2017 09:36

On here, many years ago, I read a comment, something along the lines of "half the problems on the relationships board on mn would be fixed if the op could drive".

anxiousandpregnant · 26/05/2017 09:36

I'm 27 and don't drive, I would love to and have had lessons in the past but its just too expensive at the moment. If I ever arrange something with someone, unless they offered to pick me up then I just make my own way. My husband drives and I paid half towards buying the car and I also pay half towards everything for the car like tax, insurance, petrol etc. so he sees it as "our car" and takes me everywhere I need to go but I still would love the independence of driving, he's very keen for me to start lessons again.

Original poster
peppatax · 26/05/2017 09:38

corythatwas I never said at any point driving was a life skill! I was saying I agreed with PP that swimming was....

OP posts: