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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'I don't drive' is not a valid excuse?

534 replies

peppatax · 26/05/2017 08:40

Two parts to this really, I don't know many adults that don't drive to ask but if you don't drive, can I ask why not?

Second part I guess is if you don't drive, do you expect others to accommodate you or make allowances for you solely on the basis of not driving?

OP posts:
PaulDacresFeministConscience · 26/05/2017 08:57

'Valid excuse' for what? Is it a slow day on The Wright Stuff? Hmm

Some people aren't very good at driving. Do you think it would be a good idea to have them operating a tonne of metal if they aren't competent or confident?

Some people have medical conditions that preclude them from driving.

Some people can't afford to drive. It's not just taking lessons - it's also buying, insuring and maintaining a car. First time insurance can be extremely expensive.

Original poster
peppatax · 26/05/2017 08:57

Sorry! Got distracted...

My AIBU is 'if people don't drive through choice (I get the whole medical/cost exemptions) then AIBU to get annoyed when they expect other people to go out of their way to facilitate something they want?'

Like PP have said, have no issue with people that decline or happily get themselves about.

OP posts:
ProfPlumInTheLibrary · 26/05/2017 08:58

I can't drive. Never had lessons growing up, we didn't have a car in my family and nobody drived. Lived in London so it wasn't necessary. When I moved out of home I never expected lifts and couldn't afford lessons. Dp and I moved in together, he drives and we got a car which is used on weekends. In the week I get mostly walk, get buses and trains if I have to, and very occasionally get a cab. Id like to get lessons but I'm home with dd all day and have no one to look after her so will have to wait.

alltouchedout · 26/05/2017 08:58

A valid excuse for what?
I don't drive as I can't. I haven't got a license. I've never learned. The handful of times I've got in the drivers seat (on private land) with some well meaning person who wants me to learn, even starting the car as had me close to panic.
I don't ask for lifts. I use public transport it walk. If I can't get somewhere I can't get there. It never interferes with work or anything. I'd piss myself laughing if I was asked these questions irl and dismiss the questioner as a bit of a tit. Valid excuse? Make allowances? Get over yourself Hmm

Idrinkandiknowstuff · 26/05/2017 08:58

I didn't drive till I was 38, reason being I couldn't afford lessons as a teen, then, when I could, abusive ex wouldn't allow me to learn.

ToastDemon · 26/05/2017 08:59

That's more an entitlement thing than a non-driving thing.
I'm far happier on a bus or train.

twattymctwatterson · 26/05/2017 08:59

It depends on the scenario op, why are you being so vague?

Elmo230885 · 26/05/2017 08:59

I think part of this depends where you live e.g. if you live in London driving isn't practical but most other places it saves hours spent on public transport

I worked for years doing shifts which was a nightmare using busses. Had to set off really early due to limited busses in a morning adding lits of time to early shifts and had a similar thing when I finished on mates meaning I got home very late. Don't even get me started on Sundays. I eventually learned to drive, mostly for Uni, and the work journey went from 45-90 minutes on two busses to 15 minutes in car. I was annoyed at doing it for so long.

It does annoy me when people use not driving as an excuse. I've had coworkers claim they can't work Sundays or try to get out of bank holidays citing driving!

Diesel10sbum · 26/05/2017 08:59

I don't drive OP because I was in a terrifying crash when I was 21 in which a young child I was related to was killed. Every time I've tried to learn I get flashbacks & go to pieces.
Is this excuse good enough for you???
I certainly don't expect people to give me lifts, if they offer that's lovely but I prefer to make my own way to places.

corythatwas · 26/05/2017 09:00

OP, can we just sort one thing out? When you say "things they want" are you talking about things that the non-drivers have decided to do?

Or are you talking about a situation where, in a group of friends, the drivers decide single-handedly that every single joint activity is going to be based on driving, and then get miffed when the non-driver says she can only come if she gets a lift?

BroccoliOnTheFloor · 26/05/2017 09:01

If you drive, do you judge people who don't? Wink

RB68 · 26/05/2017 09:02

my mum drives but only local to her - she gets too confused and disorientated outside of her known area, she was a late learner (30s) and never really gained true confidence.

my dad drives but has poor periphery vision due to diabetes for 20 odd yrs so wish he bloody wouldn't.

Some people I know never had it facilitated by parents and never could afford the learning or the car & insurance etc.

Living on low income

Stroke and associated sight damage

Limb aputations and or associated issues

Certain forms of sight disturbing migraines which effect balance and vision from a form of stroke following surgery which went v wrong

I think the answer is there are plenty of good reasons why someone wouldn't drive and yes as I am a nice person I would take this into account with arrangements. However I would also expect the other person to take some responsibility for getting places themselves

kaytee87 · 26/05/2017 09:02

Op to be fair you've no idea why someone might not drive. I doubt they'd explain to you if it was personal.
People that expect others to run around after them annoy me though, drivers or not.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/05/2017 09:02

Are you prepared to fund all the extortionate expences that comes from owning a for current non drivers
Seeing as you're so bothered.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/05/2017 09:02

I tried to learn in my early 40s but couldn't do it - the actual driving was a piece of piss but I struggled with spatial awareness, coordination etc.

I don't expect lifts anywhere.

You obviously have a problem with some people taking the piss - perhaps post about specifics rather than demanding to know why people don't drive.

When you say 'decline' do you mean people shouldn't accept lifts if offered? How odd.

expatinscotland · 26/05/2017 09:02

What a stupid question. Lots of people don't have the money for lessons, exams or running a car. Plenty have medical conditions. Others live in places where public transport is good and parking is dire.

fanfrickintastic · 26/05/2017 09:03

I have several friends who can't drive, for a variety of reasons (including medical). We've never been expected to make 'allowances' or changes to our plans because of it. I do sometimes offer lifts if I know it is somewhere that's hard to get to by public transport, but not as a standard thing (unless they are on the way/ not far out of the way).

CowParsleyNettle · 26/05/2017 09:03

My sister doesn't drive due to anxiety. (She has access to a car and a license) It's fucking annoying and despite her being a very thoughtful person I find it very selfish, she often gets my parents to pick her up/drop her off despite it being massively out of their way, she doesn't seem to realise that it adds an extra 2 hours of driving onto a journey if she's dropped off.

I don't understand it as I love driving and the freedoms that come with it.

1ofthesedays · 26/05/2017 09:04

I don't drive because I am terrified of killing someone. I have been involved in a couple of nasty accidents (as a passengers) and I feel sick just sitting in the drivers'seat.

What do you mean not driving is not a valid excuse? Excuse for what? Why such a nasty judgmental title? Most people in London don't drive during the week, what limited parking there is is extortionate. Do you have a problem with that?

No, I never ask for any help, I even have to relay on hourly buses for hospital appointments and drag myself there in pain when I am in the middle of a miscarriage but have to endure the 3 hour return journey that would take me 20 minutes (x2) in a car. How is that a problem for you or anyone, I have no idea, you sound like an awful person. I am guessing with your attitude people around you must adore you. Not.

harderandharder2breathe · 26/05/2017 09:04

How about you tell us why you have such a chip on your shoulder about other people not driving OP?

1nsanityscatching · 26/05/2017 09:04

I don't drive as my eyesight doesn't meet the minimum requirements. I'm more than happy to take a bus or a taxi but seem to be blessed with family and friends who offer me lifts a lot of the time. I'd never expect a lift though.

NoSquirrels · 26/05/2017 09:04

Expectation is a problem- it really depends however on whether you've planned something that the non-driver cannot take part in unless you help. In that scenario I might expect some help, just because you're aware of my circumstances as a non-driver. Reasons - medical/cost/environmental etc shouldn't matter really. If you plan a car-based activity & expect my participation, I'd expect some help.
If I planned a car-based activity as a non-driver & expected your help, that would be unreasonable.

So, depends.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/05/2017 09:04

I used to know a mother of 6 who 'didn't drive' - there was plenty of money and no other reason why not - she just chose not to - so she was the one enjoying a glass of wine at home, while everybody else got frazzled ferrying her kids back and forth from their activities in busy urban traffic.
She always appeared ultra serene, and no wonder.
As another friend said, 'She's the clever one - we're the mugs.'

I guess the OP means people like this, who choose not to drive and expect other people to do taxi service for them.

I have two friends who don't - one used to but became very nervous in heavy traffic years ago - the other never did learn - but neither of them has ever expected a friends' taxi service as of right, either for themselves or their kids.

Original poster
peppatax · 26/05/2017 09:05

I didn't realise people would take it so personally to be honest!

The exact scenario - colleague doesn't drive through her own admission she can't be bothered rather than cost/medical/trauma of any kind. Yet she moans relentlessly about being disadvantaged through not being a driver and I wondered whether it was just her being a twat or more people thought like that... examples include not making work on time as taxi was late, appealing school admission solely on 'not being a driver' and so on...

OP posts:
londonmummy1966 · 26/05/2017 09:06

I can't have a licence for medical reasons - where I live it is generally not a problem but can be a pain with my dcs. I do sometimes ask for a lift but will offer something in return eg a mum who did the swimming run for me at awful o clock on a Friday morning for years - I had her daughter for a day or two most holidays to accommodate different dates between the school our dds were at and the school where she taught. We were both very happy with that arrangement....