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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'I don't drive' is not a valid excuse?

534 replies

peppatax · 26/05/2017 08:40

Two parts to this really, I don't know many adults that don't drive to ask but if you don't drive, can I ask why not?

Second part I guess is if you don't drive, do you expect others to accommodate you or make allowances for you solely on the basis of not driving?

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/05/2017 12:00

Then perhaps you could have posted about how irritating your colleague is for moaning. It's not about lack of driving but I think you know that. People whine about parking, traffic etc etc.

Not sure why you wanted to post such a goady OP though

peaceout · 26/05/2017 12:02

Yes, elderly people clinging onto their right to be in charge of a lethal weapon drive
Appalling, Wtf are they thinking, 'I'm going to die soon anyway so what if I take out a few others on the way'🙄

peaceout · 26/05/2017 12:04

my dentist was taking the piss out of me using the bus the other day, made me want to cry
He's an arse!
I walk to the dentist, 9 mile round trip but quite a scenic one😊

Scrumple · 26/05/2017 12:06

It depends where you live. A car is a necessity for a lot of people

Can you give me an example? I'm not meaning to sound dim, but just don't understand why any healthy and mobile adult with healthy and mobile dependent would ever need a car.

I've lived very far North on an island for two months without a car for a temporary job i took a few years ago. It took me 3.5 hours to walk to my place of work and 3.5 hours to walk back. I cycled most days though. There was a 2 hourly bus service i could have opted for but this was very inconsistent so i usually opted for the bike.

I had to take a ferry once a week to the mainland for my shopping. And had the phone number for a doctor in case of emergencies.

Probably would have taken about 20 minutes in a car, so would have been a lot easier i drove, but still possible without.

As adults, we have a choice about where we live. If you chose to live somewhere that is a 7 hour walk from the nearest school or workplace then you either walk it or you move somewhere with better public transport links.

I still believe that car is a luxury that would make life a lot easier. But definitely not a necessity when walking (no matter how far) is an option. If you don't feel up to walking great distances then there is the choice to move somewhere with better transport links.

RosyGold · 26/05/2017 12:07

I have a driving licence (for about 8 years now) but I haven't actually owned a car or driven a car for at least 5 of those 8 years! I'm a nervous driver and feel like a liability on the road so choose not to drive. People always act shocked as if it's essential to own a car and drive but I don't feel like I miss it one bit. And I never ask for lifts or rely on others - I'm a fairly fit and healthy 27 year old - I just walk to where I need to go!

Wrcgirl · 26/05/2017 12:08

I drive but we have one car hubby uses for work. The school here has great reputation and people outside catchment area often apply. I'm confused as to how I would be unreasonable. Would u expect me to get up early with a baby and get a bus to a school outside our catchment area / or move house so we can walk easily. Just so your child can have my childs space? We moved here before she started school precisely because of the good school.

halcyondays · 26/05/2017 12:08

You see as a non driver, if you are ever talking to somebody else who doesn't drive they generally don't ask why, but some drivers will go on and on asking how you can manage without driving, why don't you learn to drive and it's none of their business and bloody annoying. So maybe people say they can't be bothered driving because they don't want to have to go into the reasons why. That's why you say don't drive because it seems less likely to lead to endless interrogation than if you say can't drive.

user1491260401 · 26/05/2017 12:08

I had to hand in my license for medical reasons, so I haven't been allowed to drive in well over a decade and probably won't be again.
Usually I get taxis, mini cabs etc.

In terms of allowances, my health is a consideration in anything I do so I suppose people do have to make accommodations if they want to involve me.

Toysaurus · 26/05/2017 12:09

I passed my test but don't drive due to OCD. For me it was an impossible combination.

I never ask for lifts anywhere. We travel wherever we want to go by public transport.

I do get fucked off when I see people on here slag off non drivers. In fact, I wish less people would drive because some are so dangerously shit at it.

BetterEatCheese · 26/05/2017 12:09

I didn't pass until I was 30 as I lived in a town with a horrendous one way system and driving was more hassle than public transport. I also couldn't afford a car.

When I met dp and moved to a village I passed when I was pregnant - more money, less bus and amenities nearby.

It's not that clear cut. Cars are expensive!

CoolCarrie · 26/05/2017 12:10

I don't drive at all, never have due to living in cities where transport has been excellent, and the areas we have lived in having almost everything we needed. Never had the confidence to learn when I was younger and definitely don't have the nerve now unfortunately and it is the one thing I regret.

OfficerVanHalen · 26/05/2017 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Changebagsandgladrags · 26/05/2017 12:11

I never learned to drive when I was younger because I lived in London and had good access to public transport. Also, I couldn't afford the lessons.

I worked for 20 years in Westminster, driving to work was never an option, so learning to drive wasn't an essential cost I could budget for.

Now I live in a rural area with a bus three times a week. It's a total PITA. I've now tried driving, failed my test and have no money to take it again.

I don't rely on other people to drive me about, I just don't really go out any further than places I can walk to. Yes I'm isolated, yes I hate it.

Is that enough for you?

peaceout · 26/05/2017 12:12

I still believe that car is a luxury that would make life a lot easier. But definitely not a necessity when walking (no matter how far) is an option
I agree but those with cars seem to regard walking or cycling as punishingly unpleasant activities which no one should have to undertake....as if once you have a car you are obliged to use it for any journey no matter how short
Cars make people lazy and fat

Changebagsandgladrags · 26/05/2017 12:15

I don't mind walking. But many of the roads here have no footway. Drivers think it's OK to whizz past me at 60mph without moving out.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 26/05/2017 12:18

But definitely not a necessity when walking (no matter how far) is an option

Well the ability to walk is limited by:

  • The number of hours in the day
  • some roads being not walkable, particularly after dark (no pavement etc)

It is a necessity for me to have a car. I could not operate my life, living and working where I do without one.

Original poster
peppatax · 26/05/2017 12:19

Haha I don't think it's just 5 posters saying what I wanted to hear - it's all the other people saying 'actually it's because of this' which is what I asked and can take on board.

I think the majority conclude that (although my OP was badly worded) it's not the 'driver v. Non driver' argument here but the fact there are people that are piss taking freeloaders either way.

OP posts:
Increasinglymiddleaged · 26/05/2017 12:19

once you have a car you are obliged to use it for any journey no matter how short

I think there is some truth in this, but it doesn't actually apply to me.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 26/05/2017 12:23

Big difference between dont drive and cant drive, I dont drive as I had to surrender my driving licence, however I can drive.

Beerwench · 26/05/2017 12:23

" I still believe that car is a luxury that would make life a lot easier. But definitely not a necessity when walking (no matter how far) is an option
I agree but those with cars seem to regard walking or cycling as punishingly unpleasant activities which no one should have to undertake....as if once you have a car you are obliged to use it for any journey no matter how short
Cars make people lazy and fat"

I agree with the sentiments except the fat bit. I'm fat Grin and walk a lot of places. I do agree though that ppl seem to regard walking or cycling anywhere as unpleasant. Though I don't cycle for the same reasons I don't drive.
I'm quite often Hmm at ppl who drive to a gym that is a 20/30 min walk away, and go to the gym to stay in shape!

Armadillostoes · 26/05/2017 12:24

Sorry OP but YABVU-NOT and insensitive. I wish so much that I could drive, felt so sad at 17 when my friends all started getting their licences and independence. I am very fit and usually managet withough help, but hate having to ask when I really can't so something without a car and a kind friend. Please don't be so cruel and remember you could lose your ability to drive one day too. Non-drivers are not a different species. You could join us one day!

Armadillostoes · 26/05/2017 12:24

Sorry-no clue how NOT got into my post!

Scrumple · 26/05/2017 12:27

Well the ability to walk is limited by The number of hours in the day, some roads being not walkable, particularly after dark (no pavement etc) It is a necessity for me to have a car. I could not operate my life, living and working where I do without one

My point was that we, as adults, have a choice about where we live. If you didn't drive then presumably you would either have chosen to live elsewhere (with better public transport/safer footpaths) or would walk/cycle.

Are you saying that if you suddenly lost the ability to drive today then you wouldn't be able to live? Or would you adapt to a slightly less convenient - but still perfectly possible - existence?

peaceout · 26/05/2017 12:27

It is a necessity for me to have a car. I could not operate my life, living and working where I do without one
You chose to live and work in that area, it is possible to construct your life in such a way that driving is not needed, we all make choices according to preferences and priorities

JacquesHammer · 26/05/2017 12:27

Livia - you're making the same point as me - its no good taking a job and then whinging you can't get there on Sundays/Bank Holidays because you don't drive - you either take jobs where you CAN get there or you make other arrangements, you don't expect your co-workers to pick up the shifts that most people don't want to to every time. (But then I also don't agree parents should get holidays/Christmas first, it should be fairly shared out)

As adults, we have a choice about where we live. If you chose to live somewhere that is a 7 hour walk from the nearest school

We chose to live within 5 minutes walk of the nearest school. We didn't get any of the 7 nearest schools - and DD is now at one with no public transport links. Not sure what we would have done without a car apart from taxi every day.

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