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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL says she doesn't want to be in our wedding photos!

82 replies

Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:05

Getting married in 8 weeks time.

Future MIL has form for sulky, odd behaviour. For example not speaking to DP for almost the last three months and then 'making up' by sending us customised felt wedding dolls without anything on the packet to say where there were from!Shock

Her latest one is that she doesn't want to be in any of the photos at our wedding. Her excuse is that she has a lazy eye and she's self conscious about it! Funnily enough this self consciousness does not stop her putting pictures of herself on facebookHmm

It's a small wedding, so everybody will notice and she will frankly just make herself look like a dick.

AIBU to be sick of her attention seeking bullshit? Really just wish DP would tell her to fuck off!

OP posts:
RuggerHug · 26/05/2017 08:06

Just say ok your choice and don't beg her to be in them.

Sirzy · 26/05/2017 08:06

As you said she will make herself look like a dick.

Just say "ok then" and carry on with the photos as normal. I bet she soon changes her mind when there is no fuss made.

TheNaze73 · 26/05/2017 08:07

YABVU. She's sounds self conscious & has an issue & rather than being a supportive DIL to be, you want your husband to be, to tell his own Mum to Fuck off????

Read this as an outsider & you'll see where the real issue is.

SootSprite · 26/05/2017 08:09

If she is genuinely self counscious about it then yabu to not try to be understanding.
However, if she's being a drama queen and making this self consciousness up for attention then yes, fuck her, say 'okay, don't be in the photos then' and move on.

Zaberwocky · 26/05/2017 08:10

Let herself make herself look like a dick. And don't explain her behaviour to anyone, or try to validate her in any way. All I would do, is give your photographer a heads up.

Focus your energy on all the positive aspects of your day, and your marriage. My MIL is uncannily similar, from experience, being frustrated with her constantly is exhausting and fruitless.

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:11

She isn't self conscious though TheNaze. She got married herself a few months ago and there were pictures all over Facebook. She's always putting pictures of herself on Facebook! It's an attention seeking ploy (one of many)

Perhaps just not asking her to be in pictures on the day will be best? She clearly just wants a fuss made, so I won't give her the satisfaction?

OP posts:
Kokusai · 26/05/2017 08:12

"That is a shame we would love to have you in the photos but of course don't want to pressure you into anything you don't feel comfortable with"

FlossyMooToo · 26/05/2017 08:13

Sounds like she wants attention.

Dont make a big deal of it just say "ok we understand".

fuzzywuzzy · 26/05/2017 08:13

Let your DH deal with it.

If she mentions it to you. Tell her you sorry she feels that way but you respect her decision.

I wouldn't be upset about it in your shoes, she'll prolly end up elbowing her way to the front centre of all the pictures between you and your DH on the day.

Scribblegirl · 26/05/2017 08:15

If I could get out of being in the photos at my own wedding I would. I hate pictures that I haven't edited the shit out of had the chance to vet Blush

That said on reading your OP she does sound like a drama queen. I'd just smile breezily and ignore - if you don't engage with the madness there's nothing to encourage her. She wants a reaction!

Lelloteddy · 26/05/2017 08:16

Of course she wants a fuss made. So just give the photographer the heads up and don't even MENTION it on the day. Don't ask her, cajole her or try to persuade her. Just breeze through your photographs and ignore her.

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:16

Oh she's very specific regarding the things she wants at the wedding she hasn't taken any interest in at all. Doesn't want her photo taken, doesn't want to sit near DP dad (they are divorced) I don't even know where to sit her at the (one big oval table) because of that last one. Dp prefers his dad, so wants him near, but she'll sulk if she doesn't get the honour.

She's a nightmare!

OP posts:
ballerinabelle · 26/05/2017 08:17

I think thenaze is your MIL Grin

YANBU she sounds like hard work

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:18

Oh I totally relate scribblegirl I'm dreading my photos taken as well. You just have to suck it up though don't you?

I'm going to tell my photographer to just not ask her on the day. See how she likes them applesSmile

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 26/05/2017 08:19

I doubt anyone else will notice, when you're at someone else's wedding who cares which photos are being taken when they're not in them themselves?

Just tell her ok then and leave it at that

Sparklyshoes16 · 26/05/2017 08:20

Is it possible some of the photos could be taken in a private room with her and the rest wherever you want them without her i.e. the grounds of the venue? That way she has the option to have them done with no drama? If she says no then at least you've tried...don't let it ruin your planning and the day remember it's yours and DP day...ps don't get DP into a squabble with his mum it will bite you...she will use it against you for the foreseeable!

SpringTown46 · 26/05/2017 08:23

It isn't about photos, or the rest. It's about making herself the centre of attention. Don't give it any of your energy.

JigglyTuff · 26/05/2017 08:24

Just say 'okay, fine' and smile and talk about something else. And don't mention it on the day. If she makes a massive fuss, she'll show herself up for the utter dick she's being. I bet she doesn't though

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:25

Sparklyshoes I'm not even giving her that option. She doesn't deserve the fuss. She does nothing except moan and bitch at dp and has been an awful mother to him.

She wouldn't even be coming if it was down to me. I know that sounds really horrible, but I can't stand her! I tried to help her and dp rebuild their relationship, but unfortunately found out what a self centred cow she is in the process!

OP posts:
ladymariner · 26/05/2017 08:26

Yabu to want your dp to tell her to fuck off but yanbu to want to tell her yourself!

My mil and sil are both attention seeking drama queens so I just don't give them any....its lovely! If I were you I'd say to her that you would like her to be in the photos but you totally respect her decision so you won't say another word about it, especially not on the day....I'd bet my mortgage she will be in them unfortunately!

highinthesky · 26/05/2017 08:27

Just tell her ok then and leave it at that

^^This. You don't want a miserable looking mug in your wedding shots anyway. A friend proudly showed me wedding pics of a close family member of hers.....everyone looked happy, with the exeption of the MIL who just looked like an evil spirit in each. Literally like the grim reaper. No smile, just a figure in black topped off with a manky black cardigan. Why, just why? Confused.

She might decide she wants a shot with your DP on the day.

LucieLucie · 26/05/2017 08:31

I'd act all perplexed and call her on it.

I'd question her in a slightly patronising tone along the lines of
"So when did this lazy eye start?" "Strange how how managed to get photographed with no problem at your wedding, don't you think guests will think it's odd why the mother of the groom is dodging the family pics?"Confused "I mean, most of them are on your Facebook friends list anyway and are used to seeing your selfies!?" "Ah well, nowt as queer as folk" Grin Said in a bright breezy tone Wink

She must feel jealous/ feel threatened in the looks department being in the same photo as either the bride/bridesmaids

TheWitTank · 26/05/2017 08:31

Its attention seeking. She wants the fuss and the "oh are you ok MIL, what can we do to make you feel better?". Best thing you can do it just say ok and let her get on with it. Be prepared for dramatic huffs and moods on your day though.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 26/05/2017 08:32

One of exDH's friends refused to be in ours.

Lots of dramatic stepping away and covering his eyes in the unavoidable ones.

It's an attention seeking thing.

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:33

Oh God highinthesky that's what I worry about happening here!

I'm semi convinced she'll turn up in black! I've already got my own DM in black hat, shoes and shrug. It'll be like a wake!Shock

OP posts: