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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL says she doesn't want to be in our wedding photos!

82 replies

Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:05

Getting married in 8 weeks time.

Future MIL has form for sulky, odd behaviour. For example not speaking to DP for almost the last three months and then 'making up' by sending us customised felt wedding dolls without anything on the packet to say where there were from!Shock

Her latest one is that she doesn't want to be in any of the photos at our wedding. Her excuse is that she has a lazy eye and she's self conscious about it! Funnily enough this self consciousness does not stop her putting pictures of herself on facebookHmm

It's a small wedding, so everybody will notice and she will frankly just make herself look like a dick.

AIBU to be sick of her attention seeking bullshit? Really just wish DP would tell her to fuck off!

OP posts:
Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 26/05/2017 08:33

Oh smile and nod and completely ignore op. This wedding is about you and dp snd no one else matters.

Treat them like a toddler tantrum. Ignore snd don't engage

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:33

Having said that my BMs are in black, so I can't really criticiseGrin

OP posts:
BlurryFace · 26/05/2017 08:34

Ugh, she's not manipulative enough to twist it afterwards and say you didn't want her in them is she?

TheFaerieQueene · 26/05/2017 08:35

I would make sure you have an email or text confirming she doesn't want to be in photos. Otherwise she will deny it and bitch that she wasn't in any of them.

FrenchMartiniTime · 26/05/2017 08:35

Don't give her the satisfaction of making a fuss.

Just say ok and let her look like a dick on the day.

What an odd woman.

Witchend · 26/05/2017 08:36

Tell her okay you respect that and you won't ask her. Tell her with a nice smile that it's fine and you totally understand.

If it's true, then she'll feel relieved.

if it's for attention then I'll bet she decides to come into the photos on the day.

Tell the photographer that she's said this and just do calls for "dh's family" "parents that want to be in the photo" etc. so she can chose or not and you haven't excluded her.

For the table, I'd give her the choice: "We have an oval table this is the space for you if you would like it (not like she'd be next to him anyway!), dh's df is here. If you don't want to be on the main table then we'll put you next to Aunty Mary on this table. And tell Aunty Mary why she's down on that table so that she can't regale the table with "I was excluded".

londonrach · 26/05/2017 08:39

Yabu. My sister and mil are the same re photos but ok if viewed them before sharing them. They both dont have confidence in their looks. Just dont take any photos.

tworollsshortofapicnic · 26/05/2017 08:40

MIL sounds like an anxious, socially inept person who fears she won't be able to cope at your wedding. She may well be right but short of banning her from the event your only choice will be to let her get on with it and ignore the poor behaviour. Good luck, OP, and don't let this spoil the day - maybe deputise someone up to the job to keep an eye on her?

Hulder · 26/05/2017 08:40

Just say 'OK then' and ignore.

When everyone else is piling in for photos on the day and she is being ignored, I guarantee she will forget her lazy eye and want to be in the photos and it will be your fault

ifonly4 · 26/05/2017 08:42

I know you're upset, but just don't give her the satisfaction - don't bring it up yourselves. If she brings it up, just say I'd love you in the photos but if you really don't want to be, we'll accept it and change the subject.

Even if she has got a lazy eye, she'll know at her time in life none of us are perfect and it doesn't stop us caring and wanting them to share our fun.

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:44

She'll bitch either way, so I'm not too bothered about that. I've never met a woman more capable of feeling aggrieved over nothing.

We only have one table at wedding as small number of guests. It's just who gets closet proximity to DP that is the problem. She'll bitch if it's his dad, but we'd much rather it was cos he's much better companyGrin

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 26/05/2017 08:45

It's a shame things are rocky but don't pander to her just be very matter of fact 'Oh okay' and don't refer to it. Seating plan, it is better to have her sitting where she isn't opposite you both, giving you evils!

As for choice of colour for her outfit well, that's out of your hands.

Did you go to her wedding?

woollychimp · 26/05/2017 08:47

I would just brush it off. Tell her that there's so much to organise that you haven't thought of the specifics of the photographs.

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:49

No we didn't go to her wedding donkeys She didn't invite us!!!

I didn't want her at ours, but dp insisted. It's him mum, so I had to say yes.

Hopefully I'll only have to see her twice a year after that. We haven't seen her since Xmas as it is!

OP posts:
Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:50

Luckily our photographer is one of our best friends, so he'll just do whatever we instruct him to do.

OP posts:
AppleOfMyEye10 · 26/05/2017 08:50

As the others said just ignore her. She wants attention, for you both to beg her and then she will behave like she's doing a massive favor for you. Actually don't even sear her near yourll and let the miserable thing stew in a corner.

PovertyPain · 26/05/2017 08:52

If you've already had to help your partner rebuild a relationship with her and she's as bad as you say, then you should be relieved that she doesn't want to be in the photos. It means you and your DH can enjoy looking at them in years to cone, if he eventually goes NC, and it sounds like it could eventually happen. Just think what she's going to be like if you have kids.

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:53

Ideally I would like to sit her in a different room Appleofmyeye

OP posts:
TestTubeTeen · 26/05/2017 08:54

Well, she can hardly sit next to DP at the meal because then she would be in the photos taken of him.,..

BluePeppers · 26/05/2017 08:55

If it's a ploy for attention, then the best thing to do is to ignore.

And to also ignore her when she suddenly will want to be in the photos on the day (because she will. I'm sure she won't miss an opportunity of a wedding photo to put in FB). Do as if she had never made a comment about not wanting to be in the photos and carry on.
Don't let her take all the space on a dayvtyat should be all about you and your DH.

Re the oval table, inwouod out her at 90 degree from her ex. That way she would have to turn to look at him. With, hopefully someone (or two) in between them, that could do the trick.

Crinkle77 · 26/05/2017 08:55

Don't pander to her. Just say yeah ok. Any bets she changes her mind on the day.

Sparklyshoes16 · 26/05/2017 08:56

Ah I see Godotsparks not good I was just thinking that way she can't have any drama as you've given her the option she definitely sounds a drama queen as others have said if she'll just look silly and spiteful...don't give her any more of your time just say well it's up to you and enjoy planning the rest of your wedding without her if she wants to show herself up then let her...it will be her regret. Enjoy your wedding and life with your partner life's too short to be thinking of someone like her.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 26/05/2017 08:58

Yep, a simple 'No probkem' is all that's required. Ignore the attention seeking.

DH wants his Dad near him, so do that. His Mum doesn't want to be near his Dad, fine, put her as far away in the carpark?! as you can, it's what she wanted after all. Ignore any attention seeking.

I have space under my patio & wine in the fridge which I'll swear you were at mine drinking.

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 26/05/2017 08:58

Fuck me what does your mother think of her?

Op my ds and soon to be darling dil are getting married very soon and her mother is very similar. Attention seeking and nasty. I will have my dils back so she better watch herself Grin

Hope your mum has yours

PurpleMinionMummy · 26/05/2017 08:58

Attention seeking = say ok we understand and ignore and let her crack on
Genuine = say ok we understand and get on with it. If she doesn't want to be in them she'll be happy there's no fuss.

Either way requires the same response anyway imo. I'd offer on the day to join in just so she can't say YOU chose not to include her.

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