Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL says she doesn't want to be in our wedding photos!

82 replies

Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 08:05

Getting married in 8 weeks time.

Future MIL has form for sulky, odd behaviour. For example not speaking to DP for almost the last three months and then 'making up' by sending us customised felt wedding dolls without anything on the packet to say where there were from!Shock

Her latest one is that she doesn't want to be in any of the photos at our wedding. Her excuse is that she has a lazy eye and she's self conscious about it! Funnily enough this self consciousness does not stop her putting pictures of herself on facebookHmm

It's a small wedding, so everybody will notice and she will frankly just make herself look like a dick.

AIBU to be sick of her attention seeking bullshit? Really just wish DP would tell her to fuck off!

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 26/05/2017 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummmy2017 · 26/05/2017 09:01

Don't rise to her, say Ok, you understand how she feels and that's fine with you both...

Don't have a go at your partner or the MIL will have created the drama she wants between you both...

If she changes her mind on the day fine... she can only create an arguement if you disagree with her, and your not going to, as your agreeing,,,. Have a lovely wedding day

hollowstone · 26/05/2017 09:10

There was a similar thread to this a few years back... IIRC it was side splittingly funny. The MIL used to do a weird 'not looking directly at the camera' face. I'm going to have to search for it now; that maybe some good advice there OP and I could do with a laugh

Waltermittythesequel · 26/05/2017 09:13

I wouldn't sit her with dp.

By the sounds of things there's a likelihood that they'll end up NC eventually and then you won't want her in your pictures!

JonnyFunkweasel · 26/05/2017 09:14

"YABVU. She's sounds self conscious & has an issue & rather than being a supportive DIL to be, you want your husband to be, to tell his own Mum to Fuck off????

Read this as an outsider & you'll see where the real issue is."

100% this.

Have you discussed this with DP? Have you suggested this? Good luck if you have.

Wow.

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 09:27

The 90% angle suggestion is very good. Also a very good point about not sitting her next to dp cos she'll be in the photosGrin

dianneabottisntmathsteacher She's never met my dm. They'll be meeting for the first time on the day. I had suggested an ice breaker meal the day before, but my dp went green at the suggestion. My dm has benn informed of situation though, so will definitely have my back.

jonnyFunkWeasel Again I will repeat, she isn't self conscious. Her Facebook is always full of pictures of her. It's a ploy. My dp agrees that it is too. He knows what she's like as well. I'll freely admit that I can't stand her. She's emotionally abusive to my dp and he's terrified of her. What's to like?

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 26/05/2017 09:34

i wouldnt invite her but i suppose its up to him isnt it

just literally say fine and ignore her she'll hate that more

Serialweightwatcher · 26/05/2017 09:43

If she's not been a good mother to him, keep her out of the photos and sit her in the loo ... let her sulk, it will give her something to focus on Grin

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/05/2017 09:44

Godotsparks,

Hope you got rid of the dolls. Yuck.

re your comment:-
"She's emotionally abusive to my dp and he's terrified of her"

And that is why he has invited her; he cannot stand up to her at all and is indeed terrified of her and her reactions. He probably wants her approval on some level. His own inertia when it comes to his mother simply hurts him and will also hurt you; will he ever be able to stand up for himself in his own right.

I would read "Toxic Inlaws" written by Susan Forward so you further understand the dynamics being played out here.

He is very much in a fear, obligation and guilt state when it comes to his also overbearing and attention seeking mother. Its not his fault or yours that she is like this; you did not make her that way. There is also no law to say you have to spend any time with people like this either.

Women like his mother cannot do relationships either and it is of no real surprise to me that she has now remarried (someone just like her most likely).

pieceofpurplesky · 26/05/2017 09:46

I can't ignore felt dolls - wtaf? Please
Post a pic!

Floggingmolly · 26/05/2017 09:52

She'll probably change her mind on the day. If she does, go along with her without fuss. If she doesn't, do what?
Why would you want to record her glowering away for posterity?
Btw, what's a wedding doll?

WellThisIsShit · 26/05/2017 09:52

I would agree with this, except the rest of the info the OP gives doesn't quite fit:

"Read this as an outsider & you'll see where the real issue is."

It doesn't actually sound like the mil being self conscious and shy and generally a nice person.

Babyonboard101 · 26/05/2017 09:55

thenaze73 it's her wedding. And the MIL is making it about her. So yeah in this situation she should tell her where to stick it because it's her day not the MIL's day and if she was self conscious then she wouldn't post photos all over Facebook should she.

Babyonboard101 · 26/05/2017 09:55

thenaze73 it's her wedding. And the MIL is making it about her. So yeah in this situation she should tell her where to stick it because it's her day not the MIL's day and if she was self conscious then she wouldn't post photos all over Facebook should she.

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 10:07

I'd love to get rid of the dolls AttilaTheMeerkat However you can guarantee she'd land on one of her once in a blue moon visits if I did!

I totally agree dp has invited her out of fear. He doesn't even really want her there himself. He is terrified of her though, even though we barely see her. I will get hold of a copy of Toxic Inlaws. I've been meaning to for ages. Hopefully after the wedding I won't have to see her again until Xmas.

Her new husband is actually alright (it's her third marriage) He panders to her ridiculous behaviour though. Everybody does!

Don't want to out myself with pictures of dolls. It's basically a padded felt Mr and Mrs sign with two felt dolls hanging off it that look like dp and I. She sent them with no note after being NC with us since March. Then I spent 48 hours freaking over who they were from before she text dp to say.

Creepy as fuck. I've hidden them in the cupboardConfused

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 26/05/2017 10:08

No we didn't go to her wedding donkeys She didn't invite us!!!

Crumbs.

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 10:20

I know donkeys☹️
We didn't even find out about it until she put the pictures on Facebook!

Hates getting her photo taken thoughGrin

OP posts:
NeilYoungCrazyHorse · 26/05/2017 10:33

My MIL used to pull tantrums and emotional blackmail like this and i just totally ignored her. She soon saw that her efforts didn't get anywhere. I have used the sentence "if that's what you want to do that''s up to you, but this is what WE are doing" more times than I can remember.

LakieLady · 26/05/2017 10:37

This thread really reminded me why my ex and I got married in secret. His DM was like this: never wanted to be the centre of attention, but always engineered things so that she was.

Bloody childish behaviour imo.

ImperialBlether · 26/05/2017 10:38

He's daft - if she didn't invite him to her wedding, then he didn't have to invite her to his.

TheRealPooTroll · 26/05/2017 10:47

If she really is as awful and attention seeking as you say I'd be tempted to be all faux sympathetic about her non existent lazy eye and say 'Oh we completely understand. We had noticed how it photographs and we wouldn't want to cause you any embarrassment. Is it too late to have the corrective surgery? We think you're really brave going to social events. It's great that you don't let what other people might think bother you.'

Hissy · 26/05/2017 10:58

You absolutely CAN get rid of the dolls. If MIL lands, so what if she can't find them... "they are in a 'Safe Place" with the other 'precious' mementoes from our wedding MIL..."

The other thing to say is "oh don't worry MIL, of course you don't have to be in the thick of it at our wedding if you are not comfortable. We shall seat you close, but not in photo range, it's a shame but we completely understand."

and:

"We are just happy that everyone attending our wedding is able to be the bigger person and understand how it's about the celebration, and not about the past. You hear all the time about MIL-Zillas and how they use all kinds of manipulation to hijack their kids special days, We are all so lucky to have family that makes it all about themselves."

Hissy · 26/05/2017 10:59

Of course back that up with, if it really is so difficult for you, we would understand if you didn't feel up to it. The offer is there, it's an invitation, not a summons.

WellThisIsShit · 26/05/2017 11:06

Actually yes, I'm with piece, show us the dolls please :)

Anonymous posting of wedding dolls is slightly disturbing, horror-film worthy!

Original poster
Godotsparks · 26/05/2017 11:08

I know he was daft imperialblether He thought he had to invite her if my parents were coming thoughConfused Difference being that my parents aren't attention seeking nightmares!

Great suggestions there hissy I may have to use them. Her desire not to be photographed is a brilliant excuse for her not being seated next to dp too.

She actually does have a lazy eye, but it's barely noticeable. I didn't even know it was a thing until yesterday, although dp tells me she's always been self conscious about it.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread