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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH leaving 7 year old alone in the house?

95 replies

Pootle40 · 25/05/2017 22:21

Found out DH has been leaving my DS who is 7 (8 in October) alone in the house for about 15 minutes while he goes to Costa and back in the car. The first time I returned unexpectedly and my DH had locked my son in so I had to tell him where to find my house key and let me in. I said to my DH I wasn't happy about it given DS age and also that he hadn't even told him where to get a key if he had had to get out in an emergency. He said he wouldn't do it again but two weeks later I caught him again (I had come home due to terrible traffic). I didn't ask him about it as I was so angry but he hasn't mentioned it so I think he will continue to do this. I don't think I normally overreact but I'm not sure?!

OP posts:
Justalittlebitfurther · 25/05/2017 22:26

I'm not sure I could forgive this, why would he do this Costa is hardly an emergency and surely he could take him with him. Anything could happen. There is some NSPCC guidance I think will see if I can post a link

HallowedMimic · 25/05/2017 22:26

A nearly eight year old should be OK for 15 minutes, but I wouldn't lock them in.

I wouldn't leave someone else's child home alone if their parents objected though.

ballerinabelle · 25/05/2017 22:26

No no just no

Justalittlebitfurther · 25/05/2017 22:27

www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

Justalittlebitfurther · 25/05/2017 22:28

Was your DS scared?

Fruitcorner123 · 25/05/2017 22:29

I don't think this is ok and even less ok is lying about it. This basically means you can't trust him and he will go against your parenting wishes if you are not there. This would be a dealbreaker for me because I would never be able to trust him with my children.

ijustwannadance · 25/05/2017 22:30

Tell him to buy a bloody coffee machine.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 25/05/2017 22:32

The locking in is so much not ok.
Why on earth would anyone leave a child if they couldn't get out in an emergency?

acornsandnuts · 25/05/2017 22:32

Why not just take him? Odd.

Original poster
Pootle40 · 25/05/2017 22:32

Thanks. DS wasn't scared (he watching a Pokemon video) but it just doesn't feel right to me.

OP posts:
MrsBadger · 25/05/2017 22:33

Yanbu, especially locked in!
(I leave a sensible and well-briefed 9yo for 15min but only if I'm walking; I always think if I'm driving there's too much potential for an accident /breakdown that would delay me.)
He should damn well take him to Costa with him if he's so desperate for a coffee.

isupposeitsverynice · 25/05/2017 22:35

Eight is alright to be left for a little bit, if ds is alright with and crucially so are both parents. A lone child locked in the house with no escape in the event of an emergency is much less alright.

Original poster
Pootle40 · 25/05/2017 22:35

I think he thought he was safer locking him in as nobody could just walk in. When i raised my concerns first time I got a 'he was just watching TV, nothing is going to happen'. But then he agreed not to do it again.......

OP posts:
Justalittlebitfurther · 25/05/2017 22:38

I think the bigger problem is that he clearly didn't agree but rather than talking it through with you he just thought he'd do it again and not tell you. I'd be worried about what other judgements/ decisions he might make when you are not there...

Iamastonished · 25/05/2017 22:42

Why didn't he take him with him or make himself a coffee at home?

Ameliablue · 25/05/2017 22:47

The fact that he was locked in and wouldn't know how to get out in an emergency makes it unsafe rather than his age as such.

Fruitcorner123 · 25/05/2017 22:48

The risk of someone walking in is far smaller than the risk of an accident/fire and your DS being locked in and no-one being able to get him out.

Tottyandmarchpane1 · 25/05/2017 22:49

Sensible child age 7 left for 15 mins absolutely fine, just say not to lock him in again and should be fine.

Goldfishjane · 25/05/2017 22:50

Terrible
And just why?!

Spermysextowel · 25/05/2017 22:57

How do you know it's 15 minutes?

Pinkheart5917 · 25/05/2017 22:57

How odd

If your dh doesn't like instant coffee then ds should be taken to costa or he could buy a small coffee machine for at home ( probably working out cheaper than Costa in the long run)

Locking the child in, with no idea where a key was.

I also think 7 is too young to know how to react if a fire or similar happened

MsJudgemental · 25/05/2017 22:58

He'd be fine. He should know how to get out, though.

Fruitcorner123 · 25/05/2017 23:02

Whether or not he would be fine is irrelevant . The op has a right to decide at what age her child should be left and should be able to trust her partner to adhere to her wishes. In these cases the parent who is more cautious should usually get the deciding vote (i.e. if i wanted my children to walk to school on their own but DH said he wasn't sure they are ready yet it would be unreasonable of me to let them walk on their own and just not tell my DH)

Longdistance · 25/05/2017 23:03

Why would he go get a Costa coffee. Do you not have a kettle?

Can't imagine leaving dd1 home alone for 15 minutes.

Upanddownroundandround · 25/05/2017 23:04

For a Costa. No, just no. Your DS should just go with him to Costa. It's not very difficult to take him is it? Confused