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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disgusted about schools 1 minute silence

212 replies

PugnRoll · 25/05/2017 17:40

Extremely sensitive I know at this time....11am today the UK had a minutes silence in respect of the victims of Mondays attack, my dcs school included which I totally 100% support...what I don't support though was the schools stance on including the terrorist in their moment of silence, to pray & forgive him as it's" what God would have done" Hmm AIBU to be bloody disgusted, dcs know what he did was an evil & an abhorrent act something that wouldnt ever be forgiven.

AIBU to Think what the fuck were the teachers thinking?

OP posts:
MarciaBlaine · 25/05/2017 18:38

He was young himself, wasn't he? The bomber? Grew up in UK. What happened in his life that made him think this was the "right" thing to do? Or maybe he was just a born psychopath. I have no idea. I'm not especially religious but understand that forgiveness is a huge part of that. Better to forgive him than breed more hatred maybe...

Ratatatouille · 25/05/2017 18:43

YABVU. I understand where you are coming from but this is Christianity. The very foundation of the religion is forgiveness. It's not always easy to forgive. Sometimes it takes absolutely superhuman strength. Even more so when you forgive someone who is not sorry. But forgiving someone can also set you free in a way that hating them will never do. Forgiveness is a good thing. We need more of this kind of thinking in the world right now, not less.

Want2bSupermum · 25/05/2017 18:45

From my understanding, in line with coco, forgiveness comes after retribution (when you change your ways). Basically you do wrong, you admit you did wrong, you change your ways and THEN you can seek forgiveness.

This loser who blew himself up killing 22 innocent people and harming many more directly and indirectly can't seek forgiveness but we can, as those affected by his actions, ask forgiveness for our ill feelings towards him.

I'm with you OP. I'd be going online and digging out bible references to spell out what forgiveness entails and make it clear their efforts to remember those harmed and affected confused your DC.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/05/2017 18:47

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Seems pretty apt here.

Northgate · 25/05/2017 18:47

I went to a RC school.

We were taught that forgiveness is possible for everyone, but only if the sinner is truly sorry and repentant for their sins, and is prepared to undergo some act of penance.
So we were taught that forgiveness is something that has to be sought by the sinner, not something that's freely given to someone who's completely unrepentant about their actions and the harm they've caused to others.

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 25/05/2017 18:49

But I thought you could only be forgiven if you renounced your sins/ bought an indulgence(might be a few years out of date). Isn't murder a mortal sin in the catholic doctrine???

minifingerz · 25/05/2017 18:50

YABU

Love the sinner hate the sin

God loves us unconditionally

Christianity innit....

NataliaOsipova · 25/05/2017 18:52

I wouldn't like it either.....but that's why I wouldn't send my children to a Catholic school!

paxillin · 25/05/2017 18:53

Don't send your DC to a Catholic school if you do not agree with Catholic values. Or were the Ofsted report and results too tempting?

Missingthepoint · 25/05/2017 18:53

I have a Christian faith and I have wondered if to comment further here. My view is that only the bomber and God know if he was repentant at the last and deep down it is no one else's concern. I remember Jill Seward was considered, by the Judge, to have suffered less when she was raped because she chose to forgive those who attacked her. Forgiveness can be very healing. I think the school misjudged this but I am not a catholic so do not know why the person leading decided it was appropriate.

NotJanine · 25/05/2017 18:55

It's not a choice between forgiveness or anger. You can just not waste any time thinking about him.

How do you develop a sense of right and wrong if everything is forgiven?

Thornyrose7 · 25/05/2017 18:55

The way I understand forgiveness in Christianity is if someone seeks it, or if harm is committed against us directly we can choose to forgive.
I also feel that forgiveness should be a process that we work towards, not something that we should be told to do immediately, even within Christianity.
I don't feel that it is appropriate in this instance and due to the rawness of the timing and the complexity of the issue. I am sure that there will be other Christian schools that did not have a prayer for the bomber.
Yanbu OP, I would feel that same.

Northgate · 25/05/2017 18:56

Max, yes, murder is a mortal sin in catholic doctrine.
It's possible for a murderer to repent and get absolution and forgiveness, but this is of course difficult if the murderer dies first.

I don't think the Catholic Church sells indulgences any more though.

barrygetamoveonplease · 25/05/2017 18:56

We always include everyone.

Victims and families obviously but also the less obvious.

Manchester's response has been very loving - 'we are one community/one family' etc

A person who carries out an attack like that, and his community, need God's guidance.

Phoebefromfriends · 25/05/2017 18:59

Extreme beliefs in any direction only lead to conflict and alot of dead people, maybe we need more forgiveness to break the cycle of violence? It's controversial but maybe we need to garner that feeling no matter how difficult because the current model of carrying all this hate is not working. I never want to hear about another bombing or act of terrorism again so I'm willing to try anything to break the cycle.

BoldKitties · 25/05/2017 19:05

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Seems pretty apt here. Exactly BoneyBackJefferson*. Was just going to post that myself. Hatred is destructive. Hatred is (in part, obviously it's complex) what leads people to join extremist/terrorist organisations and carry out dispicable acts.

BoldKitties · 25/05/2017 19:09

Agree completely also with Phoebefromfriends. Wise words.

derenstar · 25/05/2017 19:10

Forgiving someone doesn't mean excusing their behaviour, sometimes it's necessary to forgive to move on because hate can be a pretty corrosive emotion. As others have already pointed out, the Christian faith teaches forgiveness and turning the other cheek so the actions of the school are consistent with this teaching. I was raised catholic - I am lapsed because there are many tenets of the faith I strongly disagree with. As such, Ideliberately chose not to raise or educate my children in the faith. Having said that, forgiveness is one of the virtues that I try to uphold and I genuinely don't think that it's a bad virtue to try to instil in our children

bigbuttons · 25/05/2017 19:12

I thought Christians are supposed to be forgiving. Isn't that what Jesus taught? Why are you sending your kids to a church school if your don't agree with its values?

BandeauSally · 25/05/2017 19:13

should the children be thinking of the murderer at all at that time, not hate, not forgiveness, but focussing on the victims?

There is no should about it, surely they can think of the murderer at that time if they want. They don't have to if they don't want. What is wrong with them thinking of the murderer as well as the victims? Who is being hurt by this?

BewtySkoolDropowt · 25/05/2017 19:14

I clearly understand forgiveness differently to many of you.

For me, forgiveness isn't about letting the person off the hook or pretending that what they did was ok.

For me, forgiveness is all about my choosing to no longer to carry the hate/anger/animosity/bitterness about whatever it was I have perceived to have been wrong, freeing myself up to move forward without that burden.

grannytomine · 25/05/2017 19:15

I'm RC and I don't have a problem with it. The young people who are suicide bombers seem to be cannon fodder for older, manipulative men who don't go and blow themselves up so I would pray for them as well.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/05/2017 19:16

All the ones throwing the word forgiveness around.

Try looking the mothers fathers daughters sons friends relatives of those poor people who were cruelly killed to forgive.

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 25/05/2017 19:17

if you send your kids to a Christian school

You do realise that some people's local catchment school just happens to be a church school don't you and you have no choice.

Mine went to a C/E first and middle schools and we religious folk had no choice.

The sooner religion is taken out of schools the better. All religious schools including Jewish Christian and Muslim.

Ridiculous op and even I know the sinner must seek forgiveness.

This bastard didn't

TheRealPooTroll · 25/05/2017 19:18

I agree with you that the bomber shouldn't be forgiven. But I am an atheist and would not want to send my kids to a church school of any sort for this reason and many others. If you don't agree with the Catholic ethos on sin you might want to consider sending your children to a secular school that will no doubt be dealing with the attack in a sane way that is more aligned to your beliefs.