To be extremely upset that DD wants to go to a local, not very well-respected uni?

[HarryandHolly72]

Hi, DD is heading off to uni in September; she is 19. She has some great A-Levels (AAA) and could pick some better unis! She wasn't ready to move out so held back for a year and has worked and has saved about 6k. She claims she still isn't ready to move out but really wants to head off to uni now. I think it's such a waste

I'm not going to put the uni name as I don't think it's fair to people studying there, but it isn't the most respected and is pretty low down. She also wants to do something that's quite competitive and hard to get into imho (Biochemistry).

She doesn't want to move to the campus either. She is helpful around the house and does her bit, so it's not because I don't want her here. I just think it's a huge waste.

AIBU?

Right, because AZ are going to go out of their way to advise the parent of a an adult who has already chosen their own university.
There are a couple of us on this thread who have expertise in the area of the applied sciences (like Biochemistry) OP and have worked in Universities. Please do take on board what we've said. She is better to be where she wants to be now and then move later than start off where she doesn't want to be a drop out.

I do sympathise, OP.
Is your DD a very anxious person? One of the best things about university is moving out of home and living in shared accommodation with others (whether that is 20 miles or 500 miles from the family home).

If she is determined to go to the local uni, I would suggest to her that she lives in halls in the first year - otherwise she'll miss out socially. It will be interesting to see if she is happy to do that.

There are some practical things you could do right now. Research the biochemistry courses at better univerities (which require A grades) and see how they compare to the local one. I expect you will be able to find better universities with all the positives that your DD lists. Then at least she might tell you the real reason why she wants to stay local.
My parents took me to at least 4 universities to look around. Your DD may be adamant she doesn't even want to look, but perhaps if you suggested taking a couple of Saturday's to visit some universities, she could compare for herself.

It's very easy to go to the local university because your DD already knows the town/city. Perhaps she has fear of the Unknown? Visiting some others may get her excited. I would definitely focus on the positives of other places, rather than the negatives of the local university (your DD may respond better to that approach!)

Unfortunately, employers DO care which university you studied at. But then it is the unbearable living costs added on top so I can understand that too

We'll have to agree to disagree choco. As an employer of biochemists I look at grades first, subject (module choice) second, then maybe where, if I have some knowledge of the staff/the nuances of the curriculum at a particular institution.
We aren't talking law, banking or politics here: it's biochemistry. If the Ops DD doesn't want to go to a RG uni then it is not necessary to get a good job.

OP: if she's planning on a career in the pharma industry make sure she picks the immunology and genetics modules.

As long as she is expecting to stay years in your home I'd say it is your business. And while you can't make her decision for her you have every righ to be upset. That's just parenting right? I'd probably tell her she has to pay rent if she stays... might make it less enticing to stay.

"tell her she has to pay rent if she stays"

I moved out when my mom said that. Wanting to be financially independent of my folks was a huge factor in me switching to Not prestigious university. Be careful of unintended consequences.

That's the exact opposite of what her dd wants though she wants to stay dependant.

Worst case scenario is she moves out and still goes to local not as good uni. Best case she sees it as a reason to move.

I didn't do as well I should have at a level and ended up at an ok but not great uni. I ended up getting a first and that then opened the door to getting into a phd programme at one of the top universities with a full scholarship.

I can hnderstand your concern but there are also many pathways to success and your dd's happiness is also important

She could move out AND drop out of Uni completely because her parents don't support her choices... but she does need to earn some money to pay bills. There are many worst case scenarios than that, too.

Don't try and guilt her into doing something she doesn't want to do. It doesn't matter if she is capable of more, what makes you happy is the most important thing in life. I was good academically and felt my parents pushed me into going to uni because I had offers from several top 5 universities. But I wanted to go and do fine art, but felt I wouldn't be allowed because they disapproved and because of their income had to support my choices as they would have to assist financially. I was miserable at uni, had a breakdown and became suicidal. Let your daughter find her own way and make her own decisions about her life.