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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lock my daughter's bedroom door?

214 replies

Pizzahutpasta · 23/05/2017 15:09

Our DD is just about to turn 4. Recently she has started getting up at stupid hours in the morning and playing, really loudly, in her room which wakes us up and also our DS who is 17 months. It can be as early as 4am.

I removed all toys out of her room in the hope it would discourage her. That then lead to her sneaking downstairs in the early hours to play downstairs and has got herself into some pretty dangerous situations.

The last straw was this morning when I woke up to hear noises outside so went to investigate and our DD had unlocked our back door and was playing outside. This was 4.30am.

I want to put a lock on her door - firstly because the lack of sleep of her constantly getting out of bed is killing me and secondly because I'm seriously worried she will injure herself. My DH has said absolutely not to a lock and we are currently not speaking over my suggestion because of a huge row.

AIBU? What's the other solution?

OP posts:
pinkandstripey · 23/05/2017 15:10

Babygate on her door and top of the stairs. YWBVU to lock her door, what if there was a fire!

kel1493 · 23/05/2017 15:12

Agree. Baby gate. She's not in prison.

lampshady · 23/05/2017 15:12

Gate it. You can't lock her in. Aside from the obvious risks she might need a wee.

Original poster
Pizzahutpasta · 23/05/2017 15:13

She opens the stair gate! Otherwise I would put a stairgate on Sad

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 23/05/2017 15:14

Get a dog gate not a baby gate, they're really tall so she won't be able to climb over

Deemail · 23/05/2017 15:14

That's a crazy idea, I can understand why your partner isn't speaking to you.
Get the gate and put a baby monitor in her room so you can hear when she's up and take it in turns to mind her.
Do you have blackout on the curtains?

Original poster
Pizzahutpasta · 23/05/2017 15:14

I've got 3 stair gates in the house because of my DS, all have different locks and she can open them all!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pizzahutpasta · 23/05/2017 15:17

Deemail - yes blackout on curtains. I've tried all the suggestions to get her to sleep longer but she just won't have it

OP posts:
LineysRun · 23/05/2017 15:18

How does she open them? My last child gate certainly couldn't be opened by a small child. Are they crap?

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 23/05/2017 15:19

Put her toys back in, and put the gate back up as a visual deterrent if nothing else, and tell her firmly that there are rules and she must not come out of her room until whatever time you decide, say 7am. If she continues to do it, impose consequences. She's 4 so old enough to understand rules. Also hide all your keys so she can't get out.

Kokusai · 23/05/2017 15:20

How about putting some toys back in her room with clear instructions that she is to play quietly if she can't go back to sleep?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 23/05/2017 15:20

Our baby gates are cable tied shut!!

DesignedForLife · 23/05/2017 15:21

Yes try a dog gate

Starduke · 23/05/2017 15:21

get a glo clock (or cheaper equivalent - there are some on amazon).

Tell her that she is not allowed out of bed until the right colour - she is old enough to understand now.

Then, depending on her temperament, you either bribe or threaten her (ie take away a favourite toy).

DS1 (5) gets a star if he's had a good night and hasn't woken us. 7 stars and he can have 5 pokemon cards.

After a while it stopped working so instead I took two good pokemon cards away from him. Only had to do that once!

Original poster
Pizzahutpasta · 23/05/2017 15:22

Lineys - they are all well known gate makes, Lindam etc. She's just learnt how to do it over the years. We've even got one of those squeeze and lift ones and she can do that no problem

OP posts:
olderthanyouthink · 23/05/2017 15:22

We locked my brother (he's SN, mentally about 3) in his room for his own safety and the protection of our stuff as well as to make him go to bed. Since moving he's now not locked in his room but all the other rooms are locked (except bathrooms)

In a fire it's probably better for a small child to be in their room as you know where they are, they can't get scared and wander out. Leave the key in the door anyway.

How did sure open the back Door? Lock it and put the key where she can't get it.

GahBuggerit · 23/05/2017 15:23

Please dont put a babygate at the top of the stairs, a little toddler died recently in my area because they managed to climb over it and fell down the stairs.

Original poster
Pizzahutpasta · 23/05/2017 15:23

I will try the dog gate - are they high enough for an average 4 year old not to be able to open though?

OP posts:
BastardBloodAndSand · 23/05/2017 15:24

I'd put a lock on her door. The chances are in a fire she couldn't get out without an adult anyway, in fact she'd be in more danger of she tried. Getting out at 4.30 am is huge risk to her safety, she's bloody lucky to still be alive.

I will add I'm also the co.owner of 2 profoundly Autistic children and have / had locks on each door in the.house for their safety (( approved by SS and fitted by our OT department )) so have never got into the.hysteria of a.lock on the door if it's used for safety, not abuse.

Another alternative if you don't want to go.down the lock route would be door alarms. These are relatively easy to fit and cheap to buy. I'd also get into the.habit of taking your door keys to bed with you (( which in .itself is a far bigger risk In the event of a fire than a lock on a child's door ))

eternalopt · 23/05/2017 15:25

How tall is she? Back in the day, pre readily available stair gates, when I was little, dad took the door handles off my door and put them back on upside down so you had to lift up to open not push down. Worked a treat to stop me escaping apparently as I was too short to do t properly. Didn't do much for the heart rate of the babysitter when they forgot to tell her mind!

Means she's safely in her room but in case of fire, you can easily get in. I'd couple it with a monitor though so you know what's going on in there just in case she gets distressed about being stuck in.

LadyPW · 23/05/2017 15:25

Could you try putting a tall stairgate up at the entrance to her room? One of the high ones you can use for big dogs? She might be unable to open that because of it being too high to reach...

Original poster
Pizzahutpasta · 23/05/2017 15:25

Gah - that is awful Sad

OP posts:
LineysRun · 23/05/2017 15:26

Sorry but I don't see how a 4 year old can have learned to open a child gate 'over the years'.

treaclesoda · 23/05/2017 15:27

My son was able to open stair gates before he turned two, even the ones where you had to squeeze a button on either side. I'd expect a lot of four year olds could manage them.

I'd agree with putting some toys back in her room and telling her to play quietly. Better that she is safe pottering about in there than wandering round.

And consequences for not staying in her room, combined with rewards for good behaviour.

Original poster
Pizzahutpasta · 23/05/2017 15:27

She's tall for her age, easily opens a standard door

OP posts: