To lock my daughter's bedroom door?

[Pizzahutpasta]

Our DD is just about to turn 4. Recently she has started getting up at stupid hours in the morning and playing, really loudly, in her room which wakes us up and also our DS who is 17 months. It can be as early as 4am.

I removed all toys out of her room in the hope it would discourage her. That then lead to her sneaking downstairs in the early hours to play downstairs and has got herself into some pretty dangerous situations.

The last straw was this morning when I woke up to hear noises outside so went to investigate and our DD had unlocked our back door and was playing outside. This was 4.30am.

I want to put a lock on her door - firstly because the lack of sleep of her constantly getting out of bed is killing me and secondly because I'm seriously worried she will injure herself. My DH has said absolutely not to a lock and we are currently not speaking over my suggestion because of a huge row.

AIBU? What's the other solution?

For all those that say - "get up with her" I have tried, she comes downstairs and makes as much noise as possible which wakes her brother up. I am then exhausted from having very little sleep and spend the whole day snapping at her and DS because I'm physically exhausted from working and waking up that early. She is then hell at 1pm because she's tired. She goes to bed at 7.30 for all those that say she goes too early. I've tried putting her to bed later, it makes no difference. I have tried every trick in the book to sort her early rising out - do you think that I would honestly just come on here and use the lock as the first port of call??? It is the LAST resort to stop her from harming herself.

I would leave toys in her room and allow her to play quietly. I would however be imposing consequences if she goes downstairs or wakes others up. I would also be rewarding her for staying in her bed and sleeping. If she does wake you, go through and lead her back to bed.

the children's centre where I see midwife has a top of door handle and bottom, child height handle, both have to be pushed to open the door. Bog standard handles, just two of them....

I had the same with all mine.put her bedtime later..8 pm...cut out daytime naps.blackout curtains..also make sure she's not hungry going to bed.mine had a good supper to get them through the night and be prepared to get up from 5 am.that was normal time in our house....however I do know of friends who put dvds on for their kids and put TVs in their rooms...I didn't ,but wouldn't judge anyone who felt the need to

The gro clock might not have worked, but there is no count-down sign for showing how near to getting up time is on.

I would recommend the kid-sleep clock.

www.amazon.co.uk/Claessens-KidSleep-Sleeptrainer-Nightlight-White/dp/B00C0XNITU/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1495557078&sr=8-1&keywords=kidsleep&tag=mumsnetforum-21

but you do need to have a whole plan, and she is old enough to talk her through the new plan. Put the clock on top of a cupboard if necessary to keep it out of reach, we put a shelf on the wall high enough to serve the purpose.

You need to provide a small drink, some books and soft toys that she is allowed to have in bed, but she must not get out of bed before the bunny gets up, then she is immediately allowed to come to you.

The first night set the alarm to be near her natural waking time, and get up with her, the next night set it 15 mins later, and progress slowly making it a later time til she is getting up at a time that is acceptable to you. If she is into reward charts (not all 4 year olds are!) then utilise this at the same time. Or just plain old bribery, if it helps!

Have clear consequence of if she gets up before bunny is awake, returning to bed with no conversation each time. But big excited fuss and reward any time she is in bed when the alarm goes off!

It takes persistence and time, but it will work.

Aim for her getting at least 12 hours sleep in the day, (with or without an afternoon nap) The clock I have put a link to here, has a nap-time setting too. With or without a gentle wake alarm. For me the nap had to be limited for older children, so that they only had a brief 30 mins nap shortly after lunch to get them through til bedtime, and only if they needed it.

If you just put a lock on her door you will not solve the early rising, she will just up the ante with making as much noise as possible in her room (banging on door etc!!!!)

There is no quick solution, but it can be solved.

Could you put a tv in her room?

Try the BabyDan Guard me m.johnlewis.com/babydan-guard-me-fold-baby-gate/p/969110?sku=232682777&s_kwcid=2dx92700016891163552&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclid=CMyW2-u7htQCFaYW0wodXiEFag&gclsrc=aw.ds

It's adult proof as well as kid proof.

Sorry meant to add that the clock has a count-down to sleep as well as a count down to sunrise, with a sun-setting and rising in the small part of the clock. So they know that getting up time is coming soon. (it has an adjustable time for this)

I find it odd that people are aghast at locking a child in but apparently have no problem with fitting a door with a high handle, or door knobs they can't turn? If the kid can't get out then it's the same thing.

I'm talking about putting a bolt on the top of the door by the way. Not a lock and key which I think is not a good idea at all. But if a bolt on a door will stop you from going to your child if there was a fire then I guess you have more problems.

OP, can you bolt the other doors instead or are you open plan? Maybe if the only thing place she can get to is the bathroom or how own room she'll stay put!

We've been having similar issues op. Dd1 is 4 and for months on end between the age of 2 and 3 went through a phase of waking at 5am without fail, sometimes earlier. We got a gro-clock and it worked a treat, for a while at least. We've now taken it away as she just completely ignores it and it feels pointless doing the whole "goodnight mr sun" routine every evening.

She wakes at 5am much less than she used to but usually always before 6:30 and always ends up waking her younger sister whom she shares a room with as well as coming into our room claiming to be 'starving'. Not sure how we can combat this as it seems no matter how much or what we feed her the night before she always wakes up 'starving' and I don't really want to get into the habit of leaving food for her in the morning nor do I want to put a tv in their room.

I'm at a loss to be honest, she is the same as your dd in that we allow her to play/read books quietly but she gets louder and louder despite frequent reminders to keep the noise down. She also does the sitting outside our bedroom door playing/reading loudly thing.

We've tried putting her back to bed but it results in tears/screaming which then wakes her sister if she isn't awake already, who is also very loud in the mornings once she's awake but is also too young to know any better at present.

This morning she went into the bathroom and found some lotion I was throwing out (hence why it was within reach) and smeared it all in her hair, she lost her tablet time for the day for that one.

After reading your thread I've decided to try bringing the clock back and combining it with a reward chart. If that doesn't work I don't know what will to be honest. I don't mind if she plays quietly or looks at her books. but I feel she needs to learn that it's not okay to wake other's up just because you're awake, especially if you're up at a ridiculous time to start with!

Who ever coined the term 'fucking fours' was absolutely on the money with that one.

Surely the bolt only needs to go on the back door so stop her getting outside.

YABU- if she is not safe on her own then you will have to get up with her.

Some kids need a LOT less sleep than others - around the same amount that you or I might need.

I know it's a bit out there, but have you tried letting her stay up until you go to sleep? Maybe paired with a midday nap for you all if required?

A bit of child free time in the evening is nice but it's not a possibility for all families and situations. A late bed time might maximise the amount of sleep you all get.

What is the difference between a very tall gate and locking the door, either way the child can't get out. If the key is in the lock it is just as quick for someone on the outside to release the child in an emergency as a stair gate, quicker actually. Surely the difference is only a moral/emotional one, on a practical level its the same thing. Disclaimer, i never locked my kids in their rooms. Anyway keeping her in her room won't solve the problem op, she will still wake everyone up by being noisy. To me 4am is stupid o' clock, I couldn't cope with getting up at that time every day. This is a behavioral attention seeking thing IMO, not a sleep issue as such, she doesn't just want to be up, she wants everyone up by the sound of it. I really feel reward and/or consequences is the way forward. She is old enough to understand what is and what is not acceptable, you need to figure out the best method whether its a reward chart or taking toys away. As for your dh not talking to you, what wonderful suggestions has he come up with I wonder.

DS2 was a nightmare for early waking. Our solution isn't optimal but we used to allow him to come into our room after 5am and watch TV with headphones on - one of us would get into his bed and sleep and the other would doze but be on duty with him. Before 5am, one of us would take him back to bed and lie down with him - though he didn't often fall asleep.

He got better at sleeping when he went to school pre-school - he is a child who needs constant stimulation - and better again when he went to school.

Is her room completely black out?
Is she having a bowl of filling supper before bed?
Is she warm enough (4am is the coldest part of night)?
Is she getting outside for fresh air and exercise every day for an hour minimum?

If yes to all of the above, could it be dietary?

Is she restricted on high sugar items?
Is she getting enough fats and protein?
Is she drinking enough water?

If yes to all of the above then it must come down to behavioural issues.

Dont put a lock on her door.
Give her a small amount of toys back in her room - safer than having her roam the house.
Bad behaviour in the mornings means no (or less) of the stuff she loves (be that tv time, tablet time, etc).

Hide the back door keys and ensure she cant get out the front.

Put a shop style bell on her bedroom door so you hear if she leaves the room.

Get a sleep specialist/behaviour specialist in if all the above fails.

She is plenty old enough for a conversation about being noisy and waking the toddler. Time for some discipline I think.

deadringer, no idea, I made the same point...

Has she been rising early since the mornings are getting lighter - the birds are bloody noises and sort of wake me up and it's difficult to get back to sleep.

She might be making all the noise precisely because you've told her not to wake her brother? So I wouldn't even mention that. Just say play quietly and give praise when she does.

If she wakes at 430am, I would go in with her and lie down and say it's still not morning. I did that with my eldest and youngest. (I've got two dcs).

"My mum used to put two stair gates up, one above the ground-floor one, making it effectively the same height as a door. Worked a treat "

Please don't do this, it's dangerous (a toddler died when he got his head stuck between the two gates).

What about a door monkey, op? They're far too expensive for what they are but "lock" the door ajar? Door Monkey Door Lock and Pinch Guard https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B004ECJWK4/ref=cmswwrcppapi_nLhjzbGQBAQQ2

My 5yo taught my DM aged 75 to undo the stair gate. They seem to be like child proof caps - only children can undo them.
The Gro clock has a lock function. You'd still need to keep the plug out of reach.

It's really quite a gap between 4.30 (her waking) and even 6 (desperate parents would put up with as waking time).
So start with 15 mins - gro clock or some sign (bunny ears, music on a timer) at 4.45 and then she can play. Quiet, in room, in dark till then. Despite the blind my bet is light is coming in till then.
A hook and eye far up the door could be OK, many children this age would need waking and letting out in an emergency. But I'd go with putting her back to bed with boring words, and maybe an alarm on the back door.

Oh and if it's birds, white noise could help.

My DD was like this to be frank I tried fucking everything suggested here nothing worked earlier bedtimes, later bedtimes, grow clock, return to bed, into my bed, rewards etc. Nothing work 4.5 very long years and honestly the least bad option was to go downstairs me lie on the sofa and switch CBeebies on.
Generally I am a hardcore parent, but on this issue DD broke me. I am used to lack of sleep I work long hours including overnights and on call.
It turned out she has a visual processing disorder that affects melatonin production this was not detected till I took her for behavioural optometry.

Just wanted to send a handhold - you sound utterly exhausted and I think it's fair to assume most of us have considered some drastic action in various situations when pushed to our limits.

I have no practical solutions but fully sympathise - my 4yr old has Autism and a sleep disorder - doesn't even sleep with melatonin. We have tried sleep charts, rewards, bribes, removal of privileges, being firm, sleeping in her room / our room / sofa, lights on / off, low level music and white noise, adjusting the heating, blackout blinds etc.... nothing works.

Unfortunately I have no choice but to be up with her because she is self injurious and has no safety awareness - she did have an extra high stair gate but climbs it and almost fell over the bannister in doing so the current solution is we take it in turns to sleep on a mattress outside her door and take her downstairs when she wakes to try and minimise disruption to the other 3 ( 2 others also have ASD).

She wakes several times between 8pm and 3am and then is up for the day 3.30-4 latest most days. - she doesn't nap and so there is no chance for me to catch up on sleep.

Sleep clinics are notoriously few and far between esp for children with SN where it's considered " just one of those things"

You have my sympathy OP...DS1 was live this, and au 18yo continues to be an early riser.

I made sure the house was toddler proud and escape proof, left out something for him to help himself to eat and let him watch TV (videos in those days) - 4am TV isn't suitable for small children. I then got up early and went to bed early. It calmed down when he started school.