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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lock my daughter's bedroom door?

214 replies

Pizzahutpasta · 23/05/2017 15:09

Our DD is just about to turn 4. Recently she has started getting up at stupid hours in the morning and playing, really loudly, in her room which wakes us up and also our DS who is 17 months. It can be as early as 4am.

I removed all toys out of her room in the hope it would discourage her. That then lead to her sneaking downstairs in the early hours to play downstairs and has got herself into some pretty dangerous situations.

The last straw was this morning when I woke up to hear noises outside so went to investigate and our DD had unlocked our back door and was playing outside. This was 4.30am.

I want to put a lock on her door - firstly because the lack of sleep of her constantly getting out of bed is killing me and secondly because I'm seriously worried she will injure herself. My DH has said absolutely not to a lock and we are currently not speaking over my suggestion because of a huge row.

AIBU? What's the other solution?

OP posts:
Squishedstrawberry4 · 24/05/2017 09:03

I seem to have hit a nerve because that's some reaction!

SleepFreeZone · 24/05/2017 09:08

On the Rory Bremner program about ADHD the lady on there whose child had ADHD had an alarm fitted on his bedroom door so it would alert her if he left the room. I thought it was a good idea and the noise might also be a deterrent.

My 4 year old got into the habit of waking every night and joining my DP in the main bedroom around 2/3am. I asked on here about what to do and got a lot of hostile responses. In the end we put a lock on the main bedroom door and explained that it was no longer accessible in the night. DS immediately stopped his night wandering and now stays in his bed and most nights we now all get a decent amount of sleep.

SleepFreeZone · 24/05/2017 09:10

squishedstrawberry you wrote a post insinuating that OP might need someone to inform social services re. her parenting and am now surprised you received an angry reply? Confused

Blueskyrain · 24/05/2017 09:14

People have asked in this thread, but no one has answered: what is the difference between a stair gate in the room, that a child can't open/dog gate etc, or a door which has super high handles, and a bolted door?

If the child can't open it to let herself in and out, then she is locked in by any of these mechanisms.

LineysRun · 24/05/2017 09:16

And from what lots of people have said (which educated me) the child gates can be opened by children.

brownmouse · 24/05/2017 09:18

I put a high cabin lock on my dc door. It meant their door was open but couldn't be opened fully. I could hear what was going on and go an drew see them st he slightest noise. I saw your room next door to hers?

Squishedstrawberry4 · 24/05/2017 09:19

Sleep. locking a child in a bedroom is a red flag. I was merely making an observation. It's not personal to op. op hasn't yet locked her child in her bedroom and is looking at all the options.

Original poster
Pizzahutpasta · 24/05/2017 09:25

I will do Jiggly Thankyou Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Pizzahutpasta · 24/05/2017 09:30

Yes you have hit a nerve squishedstrawberry because it angers me that people like you automatically suggest social services. You claim to work with "vulnerable children" yet you automatically attack a mother that is desperately trying to stop her 4 year old from escaping the house and getting snatched, run over or god knows what. Would you report me to social services if she had of escaped and got snatched? Would I be neglectful? Would I be a bad parent? Yet you seem to think it's ok to suggest to report ANY mother, not just me, that tries to contain a child in her bedroom so as not to hurt herself? You need to get educated and stop shaming people.

OP posts:
JigglyTuff · 24/05/2017 09:40

Putting a hook and eye lock on a bedroom to break an early morning waking habit is very different to locking children in their room for hours on end.

It's a bit disturbing that you can't see the difference squished.

Mothervulva · 24/05/2017 09:48

I agree blue it sounds the same to me, no criticism here, mine have a stair gate and I'd seriously consider a top lock on the door if it came to it. No messing about when it comes to sleep. Whoever suggested SS is way off the mark. It's not locking a child away, it's ensuring they're not wandering the house at night for their own safety. Hope it's sorted soon.

Mummmy2017 · 24/05/2017 09:52

Get one of the doorbell magnetic things and put it on the stair gate so if she opens it the thing rings, so she knows it will tell on her.

becotide · 24/05/2017 14:34

Argos sell window alarms. You put one bit on the door and one on the frame, and if the door is opened, a very loud alarm goes off. Loud enough so it would wake you so you can put her back into bed and stop her sneaking aorund doing dangerous things.

I used these to good effect when my children were younger. Ds1 has asd and adhd and did stupid things in the middle ofthe night. Until I found the alarm, I slept on a camp bed on the landing

Wolfiefan · 24/05/2017 14:39

Did you ever reply to the suggestion you sleep outside the room and put her back to bed?
I'm guessing not.

Taylia · 24/05/2017 15:23

these people locking their children in their rooms either with stair gates or locks, what do you do if they need the toilet?

drspouse · 24/05/2017 15:46

Taylia erm don't use it on a child who is toilet trained at night?
We taught our DS to open one of the stair gates when DD's cot side came off but he was in nappies at night until over 4 I think.

Wolfie not everyone can fit a mattress on the floor outside their DCs' room. Or even IN their DCs' room.

FeedTheSharkAndItWillBite · 24/05/2017 15:48

Taylia

Well, as somebody who had parents that did this... I once used a potted plant. And an urn (my mother was rather upset).... Understandably.

Mia1415 · 24/05/2017 15:57

I've got a baby gate on DS (4) door. He's not opened it yet. I don't think his fingers would be strong enough to.

alltouchedout · 24/05/2017 15:58

@drspouse erm aren't most 4 year olds toilet trained at night?

Mia1415 · 24/05/2017 16:01

The difference is that DS could open the door to shout to me with a childgate and if it came to it I could get to him quickly by climbing over it. A locked door is more of a barrier.

Someone else asked what about going to the toilet. The answer to that is he shouts for me and I go with him.

My situation is slightly different probably to most, in that I can't have a stairgate on the stairs (and have never had one) as we have a stairlift for DM.

FeedTheSharkAndItWillBite · 24/05/2017 16:04

all

Depends. If you aren't allowed to leave your room until 10 on a Saturday... But that obviously isn't what most sensible people would do anyway. So, yeah.

stresshead84 · 24/05/2017 16:14

Erm...for all those people doubting the 4 year old can open the stair gate, my 2.5 year old can open ours.

stresshead84 · 24/05/2017 16:15

But my 4 year old can't! Hmm

Radishal · 24/05/2017 16:22

Seriously, ours required the kind of physical strength and coordination that no four year old I have ever met would have.
Maybe you need new gates.

LaCerbiatta · 24/05/2017 16:22

Really don't get this. So few suggestions of putting her to sleep later. She obviously doesn't need that many hours sleep and should be going to bed at 9pm not 7.30!

I think people enforce these ridiculously early bed times so they can have an evening to themselves and then complaint when they can't also have the morning.

How cruel is it to enforce your idea of bed time that results in the child being out of sync with the rest of the family and then having to spend 2 hours in the morning on her own?