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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lock my daughter's bedroom door?

214 replies

Pizzahutpasta · 23/05/2017 15:09

Our DD is just about to turn 4. Recently she has started getting up at stupid hours in the morning and playing, really loudly, in her room which wakes us up and also our DS who is 17 months. It can be as early as 4am.

I removed all toys out of her room in the hope it would discourage her. That then lead to her sneaking downstairs in the early hours to play downstairs and has got herself into some pretty dangerous situations.

The last straw was this morning when I woke up to hear noises outside so went to investigate and our DD had unlocked our back door and was playing outside. This was 4.30am.

I want to put a lock on her door - firstly because the lack of sleep of her constantly getting out of bed is killing me and secondly because I'm seriously worried she will injure herself. My DH has said absolutely not to a lock and we are currently not speaking over my suggestion because of a huge row.

AIBU? What's the other solution?

OP posts:
Iloveanimals · 23/05/2017 16:09

My 5 year old autistic nephew can climb over a dog gate...literally no lie. They are high but it is possible to get over them.

pomonasprout · 23/05/2017 16:09

Don't have tips on how to deal with the sleeping pattern but if you and DH can't agree on bedroom lock, could you double lock your front/back doors?? Get another bolt or a latch high up that can't be reached by small ones so that you know DD absolutely can't get outside?

Paddingtonbabies · 23/05/2017 16:15

Couldn't you put a babygate up as a visual deterrent. Then leave a drink and a pile of books and soft toys.

Get a gro clock and strict instructions that if she wakes she's to stay in her room and look play with the books and toys quietly.

LineysRun · 23/05/2017 16:16

Pumper, I suppose I think a child gate isn't much use for a younger toddler / baby who cannot open it, if an older toddler / small child has already opened it anyway.

It must be quite nerve-wracking not knowing if the gate is open or closed.

becotide · 23/05/2017 16:17

Anyone who is head-tiltingly baffled by small children learning how to open stairgates has obiously passed their head-tilting bafflement onto their children. Both my kids have figured out every stairgate by the time they were 3. They are not complex mechanisms and some children are obviously stronger and, um, more able to problem solve than others.

Westray · 23/05/2017 16:18

Yo need to get up with her OP.

Empireoftheclouds · 23/05/2017 16:18

Do what most people with very early risers do, get up with your child.

I can't even comprehend someone wanting to lock their child in a bedroom Sad

LaCerbiatta · 23/05/2017 16:21

She's going to bed too early. You need to put her to sleep later. And it will take a couple of weeks for her to readjust, it won't be an overnight change.

Keeping her alone and locked in her room without toys sounds really cruel
....

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 23/05/2017 16:22

DC used to get up early and I put a catch up really high so that they couldn't get into the downstairs part of the house but could still access the bathroom and my room and I could flip the catch easily in an emergency.

DC had a CD player that they were allowed to put on quietly to listen to, and some quiet toys to play with. They had a stair gate on their bedroom door until they were at least 4, but could open it by then.

Now DC is older they get up and watch the tv quietly until I get up.

happyhebe · 23/05/2017 16:22

There is no way that you should lock any child in their room. You have to find a better way of dealing with it, one of the glo or rabbit clocks or whatever. She is old enough to learn that she stays in her room until you get up.

juneau · 23/05/2017 16:22

My SIL had a name for the fours, along the lines of 'terrible twos'. She called it 'fucking fours' and having been through it with both my boys I can agree that it's a good name. Two was easy, four was a PITA.

Surely whatever you do - lock her in, get a dog safety gate, etc, she can still yell, sing or bang on the door and wake you up?

My two have blackout blinds with blackout curtains over the top and no night lights in their rooms which might wake them or make them think it's morning.

Lovemusic33 · 23/05/2017 16:24

I had this problem with my daughter, she is now 11 and I still have this problem, she has a diagnosis of autism. The only solution for us was to make the house safe for her, this meant putting a lock on the kitchen and bathroom (she has access to downstairs loo) and we have code locks on the front door. She only has access to the living room, her room and the downstairs loo which have all been made safe for her.

As for the people that are saying 'get up with her', do you know what it's like to live on very little sleep for 4+ years?? Sometimes I'm to exhausted and when my child wakes at 4am and I have only had a couple hours sleep I need an extra hour in bed.

Maybe you can entertain her with a iPad? Or a TV in her room? Not something I like using but if it keeps her safe in her room for a bit it's worth it.

deeedeee · 23/05/2017 16:25

we've had this for 8 long years, as my SN son considers 6 am a lie in, and is usually up about 5 am. Atleast nowadays he doesn't DELIBERATELY wake his little sister like he used to.

But yes we have to get up with him, every single day, because otherwise he's in danger. The only way we stay sane is to take it in turns and have a "lie in" ( ha! 645 is a fucking lie in in our house). We also have found that leaving his MP3 player on his pillow SOMETIMES means he'll ,listen to that for a bit these days.

My sympathy OP, tis maddening. But locking them in isn't a solution.

Crumbs1 · 23/05/2017 16:26

Not appropriate to lock a child in a room.
Assuming you've done blackout curtains and a clock?
At four she can be told to stay in bed until an alarm goes off - very firmly if necessary. Do you put her back to bed if she's up?

Empireoftheclouds · 23/05/2017 16:26

As for the people that are saying 'get up with her', do you know what it's like to live on very little sleep for 4+ years

Perhaps others, like myself, were suggesting the OP gets up and tackles the problem to get her child back to sleep, rather than up for the day.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/05/2017 16:26

Please don't lock her in. In case of fire

ineedwine99 · 23/05/2017 16:32

Good luck OP, hope things improve

FeedTheSharkAndItWillBite · 23/05/2017 16:34

That sounds really difficult. Flowers

Those that are saying locking her in is inappropriate. I don't really see the difference between this and a baby gate. I'm not saying the OP should lock her in!
But in the case of a fire she'd be stuck inside her room, whether the baby gate is cabled shut (as pp said above), it's a doggate or the door is locked.

You could make the house safe for her, give her one of those glowing clocks and something quiet to play with? Or maybe something to listen to or to draw? This way you'll hopefully get more sleep and DD is safe from the stairs, the kitchen etc?

PickAChew · 23/05/2017 16:34

There's nothing unusual about a 4 year old being able to open the stair gate.

Keep your keys by your bed at night, though, rather than lying around where she can get them. That one's pretty basic.

jellyrolly · 23/05/2017 16:35

I had the same with my SEN son, he is now 11 and is a good sleeper but it took a long time and a lot of persistence. Like you in my desperation I considered locking the door but also, probably like you have, I realised that was not acceptable and didn't do it. So don't feel too judged by people, you aren't the first or last to consider desperate measures. I put a gate outside of his room at aged one and he used to shut the door behind him and eventually fall asleep in the gap. I remember those sleep deprived years as truly awful.

I would say that taking things out of her room is counterproductive as you should be aiming for her bed and bedroom to be somewhere she wants to be ultimately. I would try and make the room more inviting, not less. Maybe you and she could make it into a project, making her room reflect things she like more? Stuff like those tent over the bed gizmos, or big cushions on the floor. Quiet things Smile.

1nsanityscatching · 23/05/2017 16:36

Put locks on the doors downstairs to stop her escaping and a gate on her room to remind her of the rules. Then start some sort of reward scheme as an incentive.

paxillin · 23/05/2017 16:40

Consequences for getting up. Earlier bedtime, tidying and chores from 4am-7am, anything that will make clear how cross you are and how selfish it is to wake people. "No, mummy can't play, she is tired from waking up 3 hours too early/ no, mummy needs her time now to look after your brother, you woke him up so he is tired and needs me". She is old enough at 4 to stop this. Make it nicer to stay in bed than to be up.

Astro55 · 23/05/2017 16:44

We had a cupboard type lock - the door was ajar but locked - this was to keep the cat out rather than the child in - being open we could still hear her if she needed us

Glow clocks work!! Get one they are cheap

Greyponcho · 23/05/2017 16:44

Does she find her bed uncomfortable? Or any other reasons that she would rather be up and about than sleeping in?

Coulddowithanap · 23/05/2017 16:46

Reward chart worked for DS.

Our problem was him getting up in the early hours and getting in our bed. I didn't mind that much except for the times I woke up with him laying across my face!

We did 7 stars for a little treat then 20 for a bigger treat. If he got a star every day of the month we would go swimming or cinema.

Also get a proper lock on your back door. A child shouldn't be able to open it easily. A bolt at the top as already suggested is a good idea.