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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lock my daughter's bedroom door?

214 replies

Pizzahutpasta · 23/05/2017 15:09

Our DD is just about to turn 4. Recently she has started getting up at stupid hours in the morning and playing, really loudly, in her room which wakes us up and also our DS who is 17 months. It can be as early as 4am.

I removed all toys out of her room in the hope it would discourage her. That then lead to her sneaking downstairs in the early hours to play downstairs and has got herself into some pretty dangerous situations.

The last straw was this morning when I woke up to hear noises outside so went to investigate and our DD had unlocked our back door and was playing outside. This was 4.30am.

I want to put a lock on her door - firstly because the lack of sleep of her constantly getting out of bed is killing me and secondly because I'm seriously worried she will injure herself. My DH has said absolutely not to a lock and we are currently not speaking over my suggestion because of a huge row.

AIBU? What's the other solution?

OP posts:
punicorn · 23/05/2017 16:47

Please don't lock her in her room but if she's nearly 4 she's old enough for you to explain to her that it's not OK to wake that early and wake the rest of the family nor is it OK to be playing outside that early. You need to get her to recognise that she can't get up until a clock tells her it's 6 am (or later!). If she wakes at 4 and wakes you up she should be gently put back to bed with a reward scheme in place if she stays there until the allotted time. Light mornings don't help I know but you just need to be breaking the cycle of her waking so early. You will get through it I promise Flowers

DotForShort · 23/05/2017 16:52

I'm an early riser but 4:00 is far too early IMO. There is no reason for her to be up at that hour and I certainly wouldn't just give in and get up with her. That way madness lies. I wouldn't lock the door either. Some sort of incentive for staying in bed/in her room quietly sounds like the way forward.

When I was that age, I loved to get up early (5:30-6:00 or so). I would make my way downstairs, watch TV, play by myself. I absolutely treasured that time but I never got up to any mischief. In your case, with a much more adventurous child than I was, I'd be very concerned about potential hazards. You must have been terrified to discover her outside at 4:30!

Dairymilkmuncher · 23/05/2017 16:53

I just saw something on Facebook the other day about a door alarm for children I'll try and find a link for it but it looked great, you just close the door with this swinging from the handle and then when your wee one tries to leave the parents have an alarm in their room.

I think that is going to be ideal so you can get up make sure she goes to the loo then back to her bed, remind her the sun isn't out on her clock so it's still sleeping time and remind her of whatever reward she will get once she stays in bed till the morning.

I could never be bothered with reward charts, might try them out when DS2 is older but I found with DS1 instant rewards that he outed see THAT DAY were the way to get good behaviour like you can help me cook pancakes for breakfast if you go back to sleep for an hour, can wear that silly costume, sit upstairs on the bus etc

Hate the lock idea, I would rather sleep in there with her than have her locked in and alone Sad

Jupitar · 23/05/2017 16:53

You need to sort out her sleeping habits, locking her in won't solve the problem of her not sleeping. I feel sorry for her imagine being wide awake at 4am, with absolutely nothing to do. Put her toys back in her room and do rewards, for staying quiet for a while. My son was an early riser and I was up at 5.30am every morning for s couple of years.

ipswichwitch · 23/05/2017 16:53

The putting them back to bed every time doesn't work with every child. I remember doing the same thing when he was a toddler trying to climb on the kitchen worktop. We could spend an entire day in a stand off of him pulling a chair over and starting to climb and me lifting him down, saying 'no' and putting the chair back. Hours and hours and hours of it. Other people only had to do it a dozen times before the child got bored. It was the same with night-time, months of sitting at the top of the stairs silently putting him back had no effect, he still got up.

That has never worked with DS2 either treacle

Neither has reward charts, removing toys, books, light bulbs (to stop the wee bugger turning his light on and off). The only thing that helps now is to bring him into bed with us. Left in his own room, he makes a racket, then wakes his brother.

Consequences don't work, he doesn't give a stuff. Since we really weren't coping with lack of sleep we just brought him into our bed and would try and cuddle back to sleep. If that didn't work, we'd put the tv on (whatever cartoons started that early!) and at least we could doze while he watched.

Took a while, but he did start falling back to sleep each time and now sleeps reliably until a more sensible 6.30am. He's 3.5 and has figured out how to open all baby gates bar the one on his bedroom door. He can also unlock the front door (we always put the chain on now), and also the child locks on the kitchen cupboards. DS1 never so much as attempted to do so.

LateToTheParty · 23/05/2017 16:55

OP in similar circumstances we added these onto the existing baby gates, which our DD could open from about age 2. She can still open the gates but not the extra latches and there's not enough slack for her to get out.

The adults (apart from my mum!) can still open the latches quickly in an emergency.

www.munchkin.co.uk/xtra-guard-trade-dual-locking-multi-purpose-latch.html

Got ours from Asda and Amazon.

Sympathies too, our DD rises early despite blackout blinds, blackout curtains, Gro Clock, good night time routine etc and is up and running the second she wakes.

To lock my daughter's bedroom door?
Radishal · 23/05/2017 16:57

I had a pal who put Vaseline on her door handle to stop her dd barging in. It worked.

youarenotkiddingme · 23/05/2017 16:57

My ds couldn't open stair gates so used boxes to make stairs and climbed over them! Some children will find a way when they have the will.

I agree with putting quiet toys in her room, or an iPod she can listen to and telling her to to remain in room until x time and putting in consequences if she doesn't.

There's also the option of locking the other rooms with a high bolt. So she cannot get into lounge or kitchen or wherever.

ChildishGambino · 23/05/2017 17:00

Can you offer a tears for 'good' behaviour instead?

ChildishGambino · 23/05/2017 17:00

Sorry, offer a reward?

Smitff · 23/05/2017 17:00

Locking her into her room at this age is wrong on so many levels.

You need to put the effort in and teach her about sleep, not waking others when they're sleeping, doing as she's told, respecting other etc. She's 4, old enough to learn.

At this age you can have as many physical barriers as you like. What are you going to do when she's 10? 14?

The problem isn't with her body not sleeping, or being agile and physically capable enough to manipulate stairgates etc. The problem is behavioural. She's needs to be taught what's acceptable and what's not. She's not 2yo, she's old enough to understand and choose what to do.

RhodaBorrocks · 23/05/2017 17:02

My ds couldn't open stair gates so used boxes to make stairs and climbed over them! Some children will find a way when they have the will

It was a pile of cuddly toys, pillows and a rolled up duvet here!

I do wish pp would RTFT though - OP has said she has a gro clock for DD and she just ignores it and removes the batteries. Is there a high shelf you can put it on OP and try again?

ThePerryMasonandHisBrain · 23/05/2017 17:04

If she gets up at 4am, there is a high chance she is going to bed too early. Children only need a certain amount of sleep.

Try putting her to bed a lot later and see what happens.

SwimmingInLemonade · 23/05/2017 17:05

Locking a child in does sound dodgy, as people have pointed out, in case of fire. But if you have double stair guards on the stairs, doesn't that make it dangerous for everyone in case of fire?

I think you have to weigh up the potential danger of her getting up and going downstairs, as she's currently doing on a regular basis, versus the likelihood that there would be a fire and you wouldn't be able to get her out of her room. Maybe ask your local firehouse if they object to child locks on bedroom doors?

Empireoftheclouds · 23/05/2017 17:06

Consequences for getting up. Earlier bedtime, tidying and chores from 4am-7am, anything that will make clear how cross you are and how selfish it is to wake people. "No, mummy can't play, she is tired from waking up 3 hours too early/ it's actually heartbreaking to think anyone would treat a FOUR year old like this. You are suggesting punishing a small child, and making them feel awful, simply because they don't have adult understanding.

Can we all just take some time to remember this child is 4 years old ffs

CadnoDrwg · 23/05/2017 17:08

When my eldest went through her "up with the larks" phase rewards/punishment etc didn't work so I bought one of those foam chair beds (that folds up as a cushion type chair) and when she woke really early I'd relocate to that. Put her back in bed and camp on her floor.

Any time she tried moving I'd shush her. Say no and tuck her back in. I never got to go fully back to sleep doing this but I was resting. She was quiet and eventually she got bored of defying me and slept/stayed in bed later.

For what it's worth she is still an early riser age 10 but now she uses the time to chill out and read in bed until it's a reasonable time to get up.

Dailystuck71 · 23/05/2017 17:12

We just got up with DS when he did it. Why don't you?

It's not ideal but it will change. She's little. I can't comprehend locking a child in a room just so you can sleep.

CrazedZombie · 23/05/2017 17:14

I ended up sticking noisy things to the stair gate to alert me that someone was sneaking downstairs.

Most 4 year olds can open stair gates. Definitely not unusual.

What do you do when you find her awake at 4:30am? Do you take her back to her room?

BoomBoomsCousin · 23/05/2017 17:17

Locking her door is really not significantly different from putting a stair/pet gate there that she can't open. If it's a solution that would work I would not be concerned about it because of the idea that it makes her a prisoner. Her safety and the health of everyone in the household are also important. But I would be concerned about keeping her in the room without access to the toilet. Very tall gate at the top of the stairs might work, but might look at putting a full door in temporarily instead because the taller the stair gate the worse the chance of injury if she does climb it.

My brother was an escape artist and it was very dangerous for him, and, it turned out, me as well as he started to take me along on his adventures and I was hurt on one of them. Sometimes a locking door is a kindness, not draconian abuse.

UnicornSparkles1 · 23/05/2017 17:20

My parents once tried to lock my brother in his bedroom as he was always getting out of bed and wouldn't stay put. He smashed his china nightlight off the door trying to get out. Cut his hands to ribbons.

willitbe · 23/05/2017 17:23

If she gets up at 4am, there is a high chance she is going to bed too early. Children only need a certain amount of sleep.

Try putting her to bed a lot later and see what happens.

But the reverse is true too, most children her age need 12 hours sleep, and if she is not getting enough sleep, then this itself in being over-tired causes sleep issues too. If she is seeking a 1pm nap, OP saying she has difficulty keeping her awake at that time, then chances are that she is not getting enough sleep rather than too much!!!!!

Blinkyblink · 23/05/2017 17:25

What about a sensor alarm.
You could get a fancy one that alerts your phone, so doesn't wake the house.
Then at least you know she's up.

And then you need to shit hot firm parenting. She does NOT leave her room until 6.30am. Every time she does, consequences.
Playdaye cancelled
No TV
No after school treat
Doesn't go to any birthday parties

You get my drift

Blinkyblink · 23/05/2017 17:26

She's starting school in September?

Promise her a big girl present for starting school if she does a week or not leaving her room

Empireoftheclouds · 23/05/2017 17:27

My brother was an escape artist and it was very dangerous for him, and, it turned out, me as well as he started to take me along on his adventures and I was hurt on one of them. Sometimes a locking door is a kindness, not draconian abuse. right. But your case and this case are not the same. Licking the door wouldn't be a kind act here Confused can't you see a difference

Blossomdeary · 23/05/2017 17:28

I think she is old enough to have the instruction that if she wakes she is allowed to play with her toys, but must do so as quietly as a mouse so as not to wake anyone and do it only in her room. Stair gate would also be a deterrent.

When one of my DDs was younger than that she used to wake a lot in the night and need our reassurance. We put a single mattress on the floor at the bottom of our bed and said that she was allowed to bring her quilt through and snuggle down there, but the rule was that she must not wake us up. We often used to wake and find her fast asleep on our floor.

Don't take her toys from the room or she WILL leave the room.

Oh - and do NOT lock her in!