To lock my daughter's bedroom door?

[Pizzahutpasta]

Our DD is just about to turn 4. Recently she has started getting up at stupid hours in the morning and playing, really loudly, in her room which wakes us up and also our DS who is 17 months. It can be as early as 4am.

I removed all toys out of her room in the hope it would discourage her. That then lead to her sneaking downstairs in the early hours to play downstairs and has got herself into some pretty dangerous situations.

The last straw was this morning when I woke up to hear noises outside so went to investigate and our DD had unlocked our back door and was playing outside. This was 4.30am.

I want to put a lock on her door - firstly because the lack of sleep of her constantly getting out of bed is killing me and secondly because I'm seriously worried she will injure herself. My DH has said absolutely not to a lock and we are currently not speaking over my suggestion because of a huge row.

AIBU? What's the other solution?

And a stairgate would no way have contained any 4yo of mine! Or 3yo...

Maybe an afternoon nap would help if she's tired at 1pm. Mine napped right up to school age. It teaches them to sleep better at night. (Saying that mine used to still get up at 5am/6am but as she's got older she can usually make 7am - which is a relatively normal wake up time for most adults!)

Failing that try a go clock/star chart/teach her to be safe alone downstairs e.g. don't put a knife in the toaster etc

I feel your pain OP - it's all very well people suggesting gro clocks and rewards, but some children simply aren't motivated by those things (I should know - I once offered my son ANYTHING FROM THE ENTIRE INTERNET to do something and he point blank refused!).

What worked for me was sort of a system re-set - we'd keep him up until dinner time-ish, then let him have a nap for a while, then a REALLY late night - midnight or later ideally. (Going to adult friends for dinner or a party was always good for this - sleep in the car at about 6 ish, then stay up late with the grown ups!). The next day he would often get up as usual, then we'd have a good stride about doing things that he couldn't possibly sleep through, then a reasonably early night and the second day was when we would start to see the benefits.

It may not work for you, but we have had some success with it so it might be worth a try. The only other thing that was even close to successful was going to be early ourselves so that we could start our day with him, but it wasn't ideal by any means, particularly as we are both self-employed and work in the evenings. Good luck!

She's 4 years old and old enough to know what's right and wrong. Tell her which toys she can play with at that time in the morning in her room and to be quiet. If she's not quiet then she needs to be disciplined and a toy taken away or something. I can't believe all this pussy footing around with locks and stairgates.

I have 2 children who have not conformed to the rules with regard to sleep OP, so I feel your pain.

I tried pick up put down when they were little for WEEKS and it did bugger all, same with controlled crying. Return to bed for MONTHS - absolutely no effect.

Sometimes nothing works and you just have to make them as safe as possible. In your shoes I'd consider a split door (stable style) and lock the bottom section.

And just in case you haven't tried it, pre-waking sometimes works. Wake them when they're thoroughly asleep at about 3am - wake til they're fully eye opening, then re settle. Do this for a week. It adjusts the body's cycles and sometimes resets things.

Good luck!

Please do not lock your child in her room.

What time is she going to bed?

Make her bedtime later and introduce more physical activity into the late afternoon early evening. Be consistent. I've found kids find it harder to sleep in the summer eves due to the light. Star charts were a winner for us.

School will likely tire her out and it could well improve then. Mine used to fall asleep when she got in from school.

If you want a stair gate which is bloody impossible to open one-handed and has every adult in our house cursing, try this one:

www.mothercare.com/stair-gates-and-safety-gates/mothercare-safest-start-push-and-shut-extending-wall-fix-safety-gate/645302.html?cgid=home_safety_gates#start=3

You may not be able to fit it, as the instructions are so dire, but it takes two adult hands and a fair amount of swearing fiddling to open it

Locking a child into a bedroom would ring alarm bells for me. I'd be considering contacting social services as it really doesn't sit right.

However putting a lock high on an external or kitchen door would be totally fine.

Beware- I'm so glad it's not just us who had such problems with it. We find it either opens too easily and therefore isn't secure, or its so tight I can't open it at all.
Worst gate ever, and we have 4 wall fix gates

I keep waking up at about 4:30 very morning - it's the birds that wake me up. Sometimes I struggle to get back to sleep and as some others have said would be rather aggrieved if I was expected to remain in bed and be silent.

My son is the same age as your daughter and he went through a phase of waking at 4:30 every day. I ended up just bringing him in to my bed with some books/toys/my phone. I would doze and get a bit more rest and about half the time he would fall back to sleep. During this time I changed my bedtime to 9:30 which obviously was not ideal but helped me stay sane. After about eight months he just stopped - still doesn't make it until much after 6 but it's so much better.

You could always put some kind of lock onto the stair gate if needs must

scraping the barrel here... will a sign on your door or somewhere prominent with "awake time" on one side and "sleep time" on the other help as a reminder when she leaves her room before she barges into yours ?

I think she needs rules. Takin the toys is just encouraging her to find fun elsewhere. Imagine waking up to nothing. Giv her a lamp some crayons n colouring book or if she can read a story. And tell her she HAS to lay in bed quietly until mummy is awake. But u have to get up at a reasonable time, 6.30ish

Puzzahutpasta you sound utterly exhausted. You've detailed what you do but what does DH do? A couple of weeks of him taking sole charge of DD's nocturnal waking might help. Also I think you will see big changes come September, school is exhausting for most children.

OP what time do you o to bed?

You could put a contact alarm on her bedroom door so your alerted when she opens the door

Squishedstrawberry - it's people like you who suggest calling social services on a mother that is desperately trying to stop her daughter from harming herself that I absolutely despair of in this society. Social services would be best placed concentrating on parents that neglect their children - not parents that are trying to protect their children

Toys back in room and maybe lock the kitchen at night instead?

Rather than lock her in, could you put Chubb locks really high up on all the other doors in the house?

Lock at night time and keep the key hidden in your room at night?
Lounge/kitchen/hallway etc any internal doors you don't want her accessing?

Are there taller stair gates available?

Some kind of contraption to attach to the stair gate to stop her opening it?

Gro clock?

Punishments for every time she leaves her room? Removal of favourite things? No tv?

Though I don't agree with locking her in, I think your husband is OTT not speaking to you. You must be desperate.

Pizza. You have no idea what you're talking about. You don't know me. I work with incredibly vulnerable, often abused children and a variety of professionals. I know that locking a child in its bedroom is a red flag. And if I was your friend and knew about it, I'd keep my eyes peeled for other red flags. I have made some constrictive suggestions. You can choose to concentrate on moving forward or being defensive. It's up to you.

No - YOU have no idea what you are talking about. You know nothing of me and my relationship with my children. I would hate to think that you were working with vulnerable children when you have such a tunnel vision view. Maybe you need to go on another training course? Also, the other posters on here have been constructive and have helped me in my time of desperation - you have just been plain insulting.

For those that are genuinely interested in the update - I put a dog stairgate on her bedroom door last night, more as a visual deterrent because she could still reach to open it if she tried. I also put a camera monitor in her room facing the door so I can see if she's trying to get out. I put a reward chart up in her room with a promise of a treat if she got 7 stickers in a row. She woke again at 4.30 as usual but didn't attempt to leave her room. She lasted till 6am before she started shouting and making herself heard, which is a bearable time for everyone to get up. I will persevere with this and see if the 4.30 waking improves - Thankyou for all your suggestions

That's great! Remind her of the treat every night to keep her mind focused

At 4, she is old enough to understand consequences. You are the parent, help her to understand it is not acceptable. Locking her in or putting a dog gate up isn't the answer - reward charts and 'punishment if she doesn't comply (and by punishment, I mean taking away toys/screen time/whatever she likes). She may naturally be an early waker, my daughter is, but she is more than capable of sitting in her bedroom doing a quiet activity until it's a decent time.

Feel for you though, sleep deprivation is akin to torture. Hope she grows out of it soon!