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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it's not my problem

244 replies

Doodlebug5 · 23/05/2017 12:50

My parents bought DP and me a house many moons ago. We decided at the beginning of this year to sell up and look for a new house. We found a buyer they were a respectable couple in their late 20's and we found a new build. The couple wanted to move in when their tenancy ended so DP and me packed up and moved home to my parents as new build won't be ready yet.

I was very friendly with my neighbours have got their numbers and have been out for dinner with them countless times.

So since we have moved out I've been getting daily messages about the new couple. Apparently lots of loud parties drinking in the street, drugs etc. I've told her she needs to call the police and she's saying no I need to sort it. I have countless times said no it wasn't even my house technically and once we completed legally I/my parents have nothing to do with it. She's now threatening legal action against me (have told her to get on with it) but is there/would there be any reason for me to have anything to do with this? I don't think she fully understands the buying process on a house and is asking why I didn't get references.

I suspect she's using me as a scapegoat for other things /stresses in her life that are going on.

Not really sure how to save this friendship and don't think I can

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 24/05/2017 13:34

She's truly unhinged. But you've done the right thing in cutting her off. No-one needs 'friends' like this.

It sounds like it's a matter of her friend not being able to afford your house, when a noisy party family could. But this isn't your problem.

FilledSoda · 24/05/2017 17:16

She isn't well is she?
It's sad all round and a shame it cost your friendship.
Keep records of everything because there is no predicting what she could do.

Craigie · 24/05/2017 17:41

Block your old neighbours number, it's bugger all to do with you.

AlexRose5 · 24/05/2017 17:45

Why are you entertaining this ex neighbour OP?
If you sold a car, you wouldn't have to answer for what the next driver did , so why do so with your previous property?
Block said ex neighbours phone number .
It's not your problem

DarkAngel1984 · 24/05/2017 17:50

Block her number and let her get on with it. Not your problem at all

Nousernamefound · 24/05/2017 17:55

When our old neighbours (so quiet you'd think they were dead) sold their house to a horrendous (noisy, abusive, threatening violence to everyone in the street at some point, completely off their rockers!) family I cursed them but how on earth can someone think you have any legal responsibility regarding the new owners. It's the luck of the draw unfortunately. Thankfully they've now gone and wonderful people have moved in.

cherish123 · 24/05/2017 18:11

Not your problem. Ignore her or politely tell her to call the police.

GaelicSiog · 24/05/2017 18:19

Does she think if she moans enough you'll un-sell the house from this couple and sell it to her friends? Because it doesn't work like that...

Block her OP. A solicitor will laugh her out.

Tazerface · 24/05/2017 18:21

I'm not surprised you're upset OP. I would be too. She sounds like she's completely off her rocker.

VeuveVera · 24/05/2017 18:23

Well she'll get laughed out of the solicitors office!
How old is this woman?

FurryLittleTwerp · 24/05/2017 18:25

Keep the messages. I might be tempted to run it past the Police by ringing 111, just to log it as a concern. She is harassing you.

She sounds unhinged.

acquilegiannie · 24/05/2017 18:31

Does this person know where you are living now?

Xanadu44 · 24/05/2017 18:39

You will never need to send a solicitors letter about this as no solicitor in the land will take her "case" on. This ex-friend is clearly unhinged. If she carries on harassing you, which is what she's basically threatened, you need to say you'll contact the police unless she desists, or get your FMIL solicitor friend to send a cease and desist letter to her (as I guarantee she won't be able to get one sent to you about this!) She's clearly nuts and you don't need that in your life. Good luck!! I'm glad you moved!!

29Palms · 24/05/2017 18:54

I didn't think the OP's OP was confusing. She said
once we completed legally I/my parents have nothing to do with it

Completed - past tense. She didn't say "once we have completed".
The sale had been completed.

BeachyKeen · 24/05/2017 19:11

I guess if she really wanted her friends to move in, she should have given them the 15k to make up the difference!

FurryLittleTwerp · 24/05/2017 19:12

Agree 29 that's what I thought.

Floggingmolly · 24/05/2017 19:48

You sound almost as dim as each other, tbh. With you slightly in the lead...
Why would you imagine she can take you to court for something the new house owners are doing; to the point where you'd consider paying a solicitor yourself? Confused Confused Confused

Andrewofgg · 24/05/2017 20:02

My neighbours are a bit in the PITA direction. The last owner was a nice quiet chap - but he died. His executor was a cousin, who sold the house to the PITA types - but he is now dead too.

I wonder who the OP's NDN thinks I should complain to or how I should send the letter Grin

RedheadLover · 24/05/2017 20:22

Wow. I agree with PPs, this woman would get laughed out of any solicitors'. She has absolutely no cause of action against you.

Don't even bother replying to her latest message, just block her number.

I know it's upsetting to feel like you're losing a friend but the way she's behaved she really isn't one!

Nelly1727 · 24/05/2017 21:18

What an awful situation. Sorry you are going throughout this this. She sounds unstable I would block her. You don't need the abuse and don't deserve it.

29Palms · 24/05/2017 21:25

Wow FloggingMolly how rude you are! Have you RTFT?

OP knows neighbour can't take her to court.

She is keeping open the option of sending a solicitor's letter if neighbour persists. She has a relative who is a solicitor so likely won't incur any expense.

Reebs123 · 24/05/2017 21:59

Aww you don't need a friend like that. A real friend wouldn't want you to lose £15k & threaten to harass you ! Keep a record of her last text before you block her. Flowers CakeBrew

Cordeliana · 24/05/2017 22:07

Hi OP, in your original post you asked if your friendship with your former neighbours could be saved. Assuming you still want that, you could arrange another dinner with them. Then you can sympathise with her and get an understanding of whether she realises it's no longer your house. And make the position clear: you've moved, you've sold the house, etc, with no confusing words like 'technically'!

You had the instinct that her issue was over something else entirely. Could it be that she valued your friendship, and has been left feeling abandoned and rejected by your move? Her complaints about the new neighbours are really that they're not you, she wants you back, and wants her old life back the way it was with you in it.

Maybe you could reassure her with your ideas of how things will be with your relationship in light of your moves. E.g. odd behaviour aside, would you have continued seeing her as often as before, if not, how would it change?

Lots of people find change difficult, especially a sudden and unexplained one, and it may be that she relied on your friendship a lot more than you realise. Her escalation of complaints may be because they're not having the desired result (for life to go back to how it was). It can't go back, but she may be able to cope a lot better with a bit of reassurance that you can still see each other. If it helps, imagine how a child would feel in that situation.

juliecorrigan · 24/05/2017 22:07

I can't see that it would be possible to take you to court over this. There is no case to answer. You sold the house to these people and it is no longer any of your business. Your old neighbour seems very hard of understanding if he/she doesn't realise that you have no legal responsibility.
Are they elderly?

metmaccy78 · 24/05/2017 22:09

Tell her to crack on and block her number she clearly has problems and is taking her frustration out on you