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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think it's not my problem

244 replies

Doodlebug5 · 23/05/2017 12:50

My parents bought DP and me a house many moons ago. We decided at the beginning of this year to sell up and look for a new house. We found a buyer they were a respectable couple in their late 20's and we found a new build. The couple wanted to move in when their tenancy ended so DP and me packed up and moved home to my parents as new build won't be ready yet.

I was very friendly with my neighbours have got their numbers and have been out for dinner with them countless times.

So since we have moved out I've been getting daily messages about the new couple. Apparently lots of loud parties drinking in the street, drugs etc. I've told her she needs to call the police and she's saying no I need to sort it. I have countless times said no it wasn't even my house technically and once we completed legally I/my parents have nothing to do with it. She's now threatening legal action against me (have told her to get on with it) but is there/would there be any reason for me to have anything to do with this? I don't think she fully understands the buying process on a house and is asking why I didn't get references.

I suspect she's using me as a scapegoat for other things /stresses in her life that are going on.

Not really sure how to save this friendship and don't think I can

OP posts:
FeralBeryl · 05/06/2017 19:05

Oh please don't be upset!
Try and see this as a positive-if she continued her demise whilst you were still living there, things could have be one very unpleasant, you may have ended up having to declare problems with her at the point of sale.
Your Dad sounds more than capable if she dares show up at the house.
Try and forget about things, she's honestly not worth it.
If you are truly worried about her mental state and it's completely out of character, would it be worth your dad speaking to her partner?

redexpat · 05/06/2017 19:12

Another thread about people who are bonkers. I mean the ndn not the op. YANBU. Screenshot the messages. If she continues then yes send a cease and desist letter. I hope you dont hear anything else from her.

user1493759849 · 05/06/2017 19:12

This is one reason why I never, ever, ever give a forwarding address to old neighbours! (Or a phone number.) Although I get that you would not have changed your mobile number when you moved, and if she was a friend, she would probably have it.

Reminds me of many moons ago, we sold a house to a couple, and when we saw them a month later, (in the shopping centre,) they moaned that the boiler popped and banged when the heating was on (lime in the system!) and the 12 ft high fir trees needed cutting or they couldn't get full insurance cover. So they wanted US to pay for British Gas to do a system flush, and also to pay for someone to cut the fir trees down by 6 feet. 'YOUR BOILER is noisy' they whinged. errrrrrrr, no, it's YOUR boiler actually!'

We explained to them that it wasn't our house now and wasn't our responsibility.

When we saw our solicitor a few weeks later, she told us that this couple had been asking for the address of the place we had moved to as they wanted to come and see us! THEN they told her why! She explained firmly that not only was she not going to release our new address, but also, none of what they were complaining about was our responsibility.

OP, it may be a good idea to contact your solicitor and explain what's going on, as she may be able to send the batty mare a (warning) letter, and you can get your side in before SHE does IYSWIM. And I agree with others that you should keep all her texts. Don't delete them.

And I definitely don't think this friendship can be saved. If I was the OP, I would never want to see this bloody woman again!

And I also read it that the OP had already sold the house. Although she should probably have put 'NOW we have completed legally,' not 'ONCE we have completed legally,' as it implied a tiny bit that she had yet to complete. So it was understandable that people would have got confused.

FrancisCrawford · 05/06/2017 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Willow2017 · 05/06/2017 20:59

What an absolute loon. Let the police deal with it. If she goes anywhere near a solicitor they will laugh her out the door. If she persists call the police again and they can visit again and warn her about harassment.

Trb17 · 05/06/2017 21:54

I'm wondering if a letter asking for 10k under these circumstances would border on criminal activity in itself? Certainly seems as though she's campaigning and using harassment to extort money from you. If she's not careful she might find herself in more trouble than she thought possible.

ambereeree · 06/06/2017 00:19

OP you're a bit too nice and maybe a bit naive at first and the neighbor realized this. Had you just ignored or told her its not your bloody problem she would have backed off. Don't worry about it.

pigyoinkoinks · 06/06/2017 00:24

What did the police say OP?

Trollspoopglitter · 06/06/2017 00:33

The OP never owned the house

She refers to it "her" house but she has said several times her parents were always the owners and her parents sold it.

honeyroar · 06/06/2017 00:41

My mum's elderly neighbour has been harassing her over nothing for a couple of years. Finally my mother went to a solicitor for advice and they told her to start by sending a letter to the neighbour saying that she'd spoken to the police (she had) and a solicitor and both confirmed that she (my mum) had done nothing wrong or illegal! And if the neighbour continued to harass her she would be taking legal action. The harassment seems to have topped since she sent it. In your case I would mention that you are keeping a log of all calls and texts and all correspondence from her to be used as evidence.

milliemolliemou · 06/06/2017 01:09

Adding my voice to those who say

  • relax
  • log and snap all your calls/texts and those to your DP and parents. Write down what you said happened including her concern that you wouldn't accept a lower offer from her friends
  • don't bother the police - there's nothing they can do and they're overtasked as it is, but you could fill in a form so you register a complaint ahead of time and can refer to it.

There is nothing this woman can do. If she could possibly persuade a solicitor to write a letter on no grounds then that's up to her.

As others have said, I do sympathise with her that the people your parents sold the house to appear on her word to be noisy and frightful. But there is nothing stopping her to going to usual recourse of speaking to them, timing,dating their offences and speaking to the council. She has nothing against you - and you, I hope , will be recording her offences.

bloodyuselessme · 06/06/2017 12:13

I can't believe she's tried to get 10k out of you! Surely that's extortion?

ambereeree · 06/06/2017 13:18

She probably found out your parents bought you the house and is thinking you're well off and will pay the 10k.

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 06/06/2017 13:23

She sounds deranged. Please try not to get stressed. She hasn't a leg to stand onFlowers

CJCreggsGoldfish · 06/06/2017 13:37

She sounds bonkers. Please don't stress over it.

Do you think that her wedding costs may have spiralled and she's looking for a way to pay? Her behaviour just makes no sense (especially the demand for money).

WellThatSucks · 06/06/2017 14:21

OP, you were tenants, you had no say as to whom your landlords (your parents) sold their property to and, as the original owners, they had no responsibility in law to get prospective buyers vetted or approved by the neighbour nor are they legally liable for the subsequent anti-social activities of the new owners. Your neighbour's only recourse in law is to file complaints against the new owners with the appropriate authorities and pursue whatever criminal or civil case she can against them.
Your recourses are to a) ignore and block, b) pay a few quid to get a solicitor to send a cease and desist letter c) to log all communications and file a complaint re harassment (and perhaps) attempted extortion against her with the police.
I know it must be stressful but your ex-neighbour can't do anything to you legally speaking.

mateysmum · 10/06/2017 09:50

This is now coming close to blackmail. She thinks you've got money and why shouldn't she have some of it. The new neighbours are just a peg to hang her lunacy on.

I don't normally suggest people call 101 for "trivial" things but the police clearly didn't think you were unreasonable .

Hope it all works out. Treat with ignore and try not to stress.

Jeanneweany · 15/06/2017 23:02

Just had a thought. If she is fucking bonkers then are you sure the new owners are even behaving badly? I mean parties in the st and drugs?? Could be a house warming and people merely being drunk. ...mmm

IrritatedUser1960 · 15/06/2017 23:08

She is insane have nothing more to do with her.

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