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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to send my kids to school today?

169 replies

NoCapes · 23/05/2017 07:35

I'm in Manchester, I was kept awake most of the night listening to sirens and helicopters flying overhead
I feel sick to my stomach about what has happened (as I'm sure we all do) particularly as it is so close to home and I could hear it
Now while I know its massively unlikely anything will happen today, my anxiety is telling me to keep my babies at home with me today

OP posts:
TestTubeTeen · 23/05/2017 09:13

It's not 'gung ho'.

It was advice on how to proceed, given that everyone feels shocked and extremely saddened, in the face of understandable anxiety.

Yes, a MINORITY of posters were harsh and judged, most answered a question that they saw in AIBU,

I am sorry the OP is distressed. That is not a reason to turn on people who answered an AIBU.

Bananamanfan · 23/05/2017 09:14

I don't know why you are getting so many dickish responses, op. There are obviously a lot of people who know exactly the 'right' to behave when there is a terrorist attack near to their home where children were targeted.

nobullshitallowed · 23/05/2017 09:15

I've sent my ds in, going to see if I can offer lifts or help at all in the centre. If you're close send your dc to school and see if you can help. X

Starduke · 23/05/2017 09:15

How old are the children who are crying at school?

I'm amazed parents have told them (or let them find out) in such a way that they are scared, unless they were actually there last night.

We're in Paris and the day after the attack in Bataclan and elsewhere, everything was weirdly quiet and we were told to avoid unnecessary trips out. We kept an eye on the news but did everything we could not to scare or worry (or even tell) the children.

When the eldest came back from school saying there were big meanies killing people we downplayed it and pointed out all the police that were there to protect us (there is always a police van parked near us) and the school introduced a system of parents acting as security every morning.

Nothing to be gained from scaring the children.

DingDong01 · 23/05/2017 09:17

I find all of this falling over each other to be the least bit bothered and all of this 'I'm not scared/won't let them win' etc so so odd
I find all this falling over each other to be the most bothered odd

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 23/05/2017 09:17

Hi op I can't say much as it's outing but I know exactly how you feel today and my dd survived. An event like this can change and colour your whole life even when your child is getting through it. Please try not to transfer your anxieties onto them I know it's very very difficult.

Send them with a smile and have a cry in private. That's what I did today Flowers

StarUtopia · 23/05/2017 09:18

Just dropped mine off. Their teacher's niece is missing. So close to home. Know how you feel.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 23/05/2017 09:19

Everyone is bothered. It's not a competition. People will deal with that 'bothered' differently.

Many of us would feel the same as you, Capes, I'm glad you sent the DC to school though. It will be better for them.

0nline · 23/05/2017 09:21

It's not 'gung ho'

I disagree. When I do it myself in some contexts it feels remarkable similar to the other forms of gung ho I picked up and put in my "life tools" kit bag.

That doesn't make it bad, strange, incompressible, or wrong. We all need a range of tools that work for us personally in a world that has never, will never be entirely safe and predictable.

It would be better if it were expressed in somewhat a less abrasive, commanding tone, but that emotional overlay is likely pretty much as instinctive as the emotional overlay of those with different reactions. Not something vast numbers of people have 100% control over, particularly at a more stressful time,

Humanity is varied, just the way it is. For the vast majority of the people nothing they say comes from a place of being inherently not nice, it's mostly just symptoms of people trying to cope in a way that works for them with awful things that are frightening and painful to witness.

BlueDaBaDee · 23/05/2017 09:22

So many cuntish reap

NormaSmuff · 23/05/2017 09:23

children will know as it will be on their social media Sad

BlueDaBaDee · 23/05/2017 09:23

Oops! Responses. People are allowed to feel the way they feel. OP isn't making it about her Hmm what do you gain out of making people feel worse about this awful tragedy? Show some kindness!

FlyingElbows · 23/05/2017 09:23

I absolutely cannot believe that a pp wrote "you're traumatised"! No she's not. Absolutely nothing has happened to the op's safe and well children. She's not traumatised. The people who don't have a live child to send to school this morning are traumatised. Ffs, get yersel off to the grip box and take a handful.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 23/05/2017 09:23

It's also worth pointing out that the OP spent the whole night awake listening to the sirens and helicopters, it's hardly like she's miles away tucked up in her bed. Hearing that is exceptionally alarming and would get your adrenaline going as would the lack of sleep, it's natural now to still feel worried. Op have a cup of tea and hopefully you did send them in.

It was not selfish or making it all about her to say this was a stressful night and made her wonder what to do today.

Some people with pre-existing anxiety will find it really spirals today.

Starlight2345 · 23/05/2017 09:25

One of my sons friends was at the concert( not injured). I don't live in Manchester but yes I think it is important to send your children to school. They can talk about it with their peers. I think that is helpful and normality equally so.

PerkingFaintly · 23/05/2017 09:29

Thanks to you and yours, Dianneabbots, if you're dealing directly with the fall out.

And Flowers to everyone feeling shocked and having a little wobble. Agree with PP that it's completely natural to feel like that - it's what terrorism is designed to do, of course. And also agree that it's what you do next with those feelings that matters.

NoCapes, well done for overcoming your anxiety and giving your DC the normality of school.

DermotOLogical · 23/05/2017 09:31

@AwaywiththePixies27

Attacks are still very rare. Prior to last night however, in the last 15 years 90 people have died as a result of terrorism in the UK. In the 15 years before that it was 1094. The 15 years before that is was 2211.

gillybeanz · 23/05/2017 09:32

I spent the night awake too, so relieved that we picked dd up last night and she had an appointment today.
Her school is in the middle of the lock down so she can't go back.
Her friends are well but shaken, the little ones slept through it and I don't think they are being told about it. One of the girls dorm windows was blasted out with the force, it was directly opposite the blast.
The older ones didn't know what was happening as internet goes off at night. They were texting dd to tell them what was happening.
I'm posting as some on here were considering the children at the school last night, so wanted to update them and say Thanks for their concern.

So sorry to those who are affected by this and of course sympathy to those who have lost their loved ones.

KingIrving · 23/05/2017 09:33

I have read you decided to send them.
I was about to tell you to have a love day. Cuddle your children and be happy they are there with you.
You have the right to be shocked even if nobody you knew was at the concert.
You have the right to feel scared.
You have the right to listen and follow your emotions and feelings.

I was shocked and saddened and I live in bloody Australia and when I picked my boys from school I hugged them for a minute longer thinking about the mums who will never again hug their children.

You act strong when you feel strong and catching your breath and processing the horror of what happened doesn't make you a coward. It makes you a human being.

Tomorrow you will walk strong. Today you might grief.

veryveryquietly · 23/05/2017 09:33

Thank you foureyes for pointing that out. I also live very near by and ended up staying up all night watching news, as the sirens and helicopters meant I couldn't sleep. Certainly makes it easier to be anxious and have a wobble, even if you know rationally that this is a rare event, security will be higher than ever, etc etc. Maybe people could be a little kinder or at least more understanding of why the OP may be on edge this morning, even if they don't agree with her?

chantico · 23/05/2017 09:34

I think it's fair enough to point out that you don't have to use the words 'about me' for it to be very clear that the Piet is indeed all about the poster.

AIBU is not a catch-all category - it is asking if you are BU. And sometimes the answer is 'yes'.

If posting for support, it's always better to use the relevant topic or 'chat'

plominoagain · 23/05/2017 09:35

Capes , I was directly involved in the 7/7 bombings as an emergency worker. I saw sights and sounds that no one ever should .

The following week , one of my sons was due to go into London with a school trip , and part of that travel was , we knew , going to be on the Underground ( we were from rural Norfolk , so it was going to be part of the experience ) . Did I think about pulling him from it ? Hell yes , absolutely . More than once . But in the end I didn't , because realistically , shortly after those attacks , due to the sheer number of police on the streets ,the heightened alertness of both the public and the emergency services , London was probably safer then , that it had been before . And so will Manchester be today . Go out . Talk to people , they'll be wanting to talk to you . Take comfort from the fact that although yes , there are the evil people out there , there are a far greater number of good , and a lot of them will be those around you .

God I sound like a politician . I don't mean to .

PerkingFaintly · 23/05/2017 09:35

Thanks for the report, gilly. I saw you on various threads last night and wondered how your daughter and her schoolmates were getting on.

belleandsnowwhite · 23/05/2017 09:43

Our schools have already communicated with parents that they will be talking and helping children today. I admit my first thought this morning was to keep them off, especially my oldest who gets the train to school.

gillybeanz · 23/05/2017 09:44

Parsing

The children, staff, and parents have just been told to remain where they are, nobody is going in or coming out without Police assistance.
No day students in today as obviously can't get past the cordon.

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