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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to send my kids to school today?

169 replies

NoCapes · 23/05/2017 07:35

I'm in Manchester, I was kept awake most of the night listening to sirens and helicopters flying overhead
I feel sick to my stomach about what has happened (as I'm sure we all do) particularly as it is so close to home and I could hear it
Now while I know its massively unlikely anything will happen today, my anxiety is telling me to keep my babies at home with me today

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 23/05/2017 08:37

I'm nowhere near Manchester and I'd happily have kept my 12 year old with me. I've not been this affected by an attack since dunblane.

Pigface1 · 23/05/2017 08:37

OP, if it helps with your anxiety, the security will be so tight in Manchester it is probably one of the safest cities on the planet to be today.

But at the same time, this really isn't about any of us posting on here and our feelings.

MaybeNextWeek · 23/05/2017 08:38

'And I'm sorry but your post does come across as self indulgent.'

No it doesn't. It comes across as someone who is shocked and scared.

sticklebrix · 23/05/2017 08:39

Sorry, I've just seen that you sent them. That must have been tough but the right decision. Can completely see why you are scared and unsettled. Flowers Flowers

Neutrogena · 23/05/2017 08:39

NoCapes - I don't understand why you're posting this query and then getting all eggy with a lot of the responses.
Starting a thread about how YOU feel about is is undoubtedly about you.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 23/05/2017 08:46

"I don't understand why people can't just show the op a bit of kindness"

Children have been killed near to the Op, she's anxious and even if you don't agree with her OP there's no need to be so bloody horrible.Angry

Today everyone should be that little bit kinder to each other. I wonder if you can all manage that? probably not!

Theimpossiblegirl · 23/05/2017 08:51

It's instinct to keep your children close to you when terrible things happen. I wanted to keep mine with me today, we live on the other side of the country. Of course I sent them in. We just have to get on with things, but it doesn't mean we don't feel it.

Original poster
NoCapes · 23/05/2017 08:51

Lots of frightened and crying children at school this morning
Maybe I should've checked that they were all directly affected and therefore were allowed to have feelings about last nights events
But I didn't, because I'm not a dick

OP posts:
Confuzzlediddled · 23/05/2017 08:56

Totally understand how you're feeling OP, we're in leeds so not as close but my dd isn't sure if one of her friends was there, I've kept it as low key as possible and reassured her that even if she was there the chances of being involved are slim. She looked so small walking through the gates though...

WizardOfToss · 23/05/2017 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DermotOLogical · 23/05/2017 09:00

Frightened and crying children are caused by the parents passing on their anxiety.

Parents should be reassuring their children these attacks are incredibly rare.

The hysteria is irrational. Your child is more likely to be killed crossing the road.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/05/2017 09:01

You sound just lovely OP Confused

Umpteenthnamechange · 23/05/2017 09:01

OP how do you think the children got to the fried and crying stage this morning about an attack that happened at 10 pm so way past their bedtime last night?

If they were woken by sirens who translated what was happening for them?

Or did they switch on the tv themselves or access online news and make the decision to be scared?

Liiinoo · 23/05/2017 09:02

I do understand the OPs fear and desire to keep her children close by but unless the police and security services advise otherwise I think we all just have to crack on after such an attack (whilst keeping the victims and families in our hearts and minds).

I am in my 50s and have lived in London my whole life so grew up during the IRA bomb campaign. If we had missed school or changed our plans every time there was an attack or bombscare we would have missed out on a lot. A close friend grew up in Belfast and had a very hard time indeed (it is only recently she has come to realise how very abnormal her childhood was), but her life went on. We can't allow terrorists to rob us of social lives, work or education.

OP - you have done the right thing even though it was scary for you. Well done.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 23/05/2017 09:02

Understandable yes, but the place will be swarming with police and they would be incredibly stupid to even attempt anything further today. Your children will be safe and keeping normality is important to kid, and I say that as someone who suffers from anxiety myself.

The terror alert was on severe before and will remain on severe now. I'm afraid it's just one of those things we have to accept may be a possibility nowadays. Sad

Be vigilant but not fearful.

LittleLionMansMummy · 23/05/2017 09:03

Children need normality in these times op. It's not self indulgent at all to be affected by something so tragic and close to home. But the best thing you can do is go about your business. Or help if you can. And give your dc an extra big squeeze and take a little extra time to take in their beauty.

TeddyIsaHe · 23/05/2017 09:04

Wizard totally agree, am unnecessary thread to start in light of what has happened. Poor taste I think.

arbrighton · 23/05/2017 09:04

That's exactly what terrorists want. TO scare other people into changing their behaviour. Don't let them win by giving in to it.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 23/05/2017 09:05

Parents should be reassuring their children these attacks are incredibly rare.

But they're not. It wasn't so long ago that Keith Palmer and several others were killed in London. Rare is something they're not now.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 23/05/2017 09:08

Some of these responses are really harsh. Of course when we feel a tragedy touch us in some way, because we live close, or know children affected or can imagine ourselves at that concert we feel afraid.

The OP is reacting in the predictable and expected way, which is why it was done.

You can then override that and carry on, but you have to stuff that anxiety down somewhere, the OP just mentioned she had it.

Saying things like 'there's more chance of being killed by a car' is just ridiculous to me, that's like saying to someone whose parent just died 'well, we all have to die sometime'. Statistically true but utterly inappropriate.

Our reactions aren't logical, and if every single person on this thread was totally unaffected by Manchester, was having a normal day and more worried about a car accident, then why would they be posting on this thread- they would just be getting on pragmatically with their lives knowing this doesn't personally affect them.

0nline · 23/05/2017 09:09

I find all of this falling over each other to be the least bit bothered and all of this 'I'm not scared/won't let them win' etc so so odd

It's one of the normal reactions love. Gung ho comes in many forms. The above gives people a sense of control, power and purpose in a context where otherwise they will feel they have none of the above. Different things work for different people.

I grew up in a forces family during the 70s and for several years thought the IRA was a kind of bogeyman. Children are v. malleable and certain poorly understood fears can become ingrained. So bear that in mind as you decide what you want to do, not so much in the final choice, but how you frame it. No easy answers as per how to handle it perfectly, cos kids come in many emotional forms just as much as adults do.

I've just let my sister know that DS won't be coming over to England for the summer as tentively planned. So I can immagine how much more pressing the sense of threat must feel to you. Incredibly slim risk can feel like not enough consolation when the stakes are sky high, so I don't think what you are feeling is particularly unusual, or incomprehensible.

Crispsheets · 23/05/2017 09:10

You've done the right thing sending dcs to school. No point keeping them off. Turn the TV off if it makes you feel anxious.

Wdigin2this · 23/05/2017 09:11

Nobody will blame you for keeping your kids home today...it's exactly what I'd do in your place!

FlossyMooToo · 23/05/2017 09:12

OP i am sat a train station not far from Manchester. My train is cancelled as it comes from Victoria station. I feel sick and very anxious. Looking at the unusually quiet platform i think others felt the same as you.
Something like this will affect most people and feeling the way you do is not wrong.
I dropped my dc at school and i hugged them a little bit tighter and a little bit longer than normal.

Neutrogena · 23/05/2017 09:12

Attacks ARE very rare.
Train crashes are rare.
Mass Shootings are rare.

The one thing that isn't rare is road accidents, and we're much more likely to be killed on the road than by a terrorist attack.
If you don't your kids to school over fear about terror attacks, then you have no idea about risk.

In the same way that many people are scared about children being interfered with by unknown paedos in parks while unaccompanied, whereas it's far more likely that a father/uncle/neighbour will commit sexual crime against a child than a stranger.

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