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Original poster

Dsc, new baby and maintenance

783 replies

Gildolann · 22/05/2017 22:52

NC for this just in case!
DH has 2 dc, dss 15 and dsd 12. He currently pays cm to his ex wife.
I am 26 weeks pregnant and DH has been made redundant, so we have decided that I will go back to work full time and DH will be a SAHD, all going well with the birth, my post natal health etc etc.
DH ex wife has gone absolutely mental when she found this out, texting DH that i will still have to give her money every month. Saying her dc are more important than our unborn dc and how I will probably miscarriage again anyway and now I don't want to give her anything. I was going to continue the maintainance arrangement as normal but she has fucked that.

OP posts:
BigDeskBob · 23/05/2017 20:33

And if she doesn't, what then? Remember, if he abandons two children, he'll do it to another.

Original poster
Gildolann · 23/05/2017 20:34

So her commenting on me miscarriage should just be ignored? My ds was born sleeping at 27 weeks.

OP posts:
khajiit13 · 23/05/2017 20:36

You can separate the two issues. Your step children should not suffer because of this.

JustCallMeKate · 23/05/2017 20:37

Well dh spoke to her tonight and explained that if she apologises for the horrible and unnecessary m/c comment then everything will continue as normal re maintenance

You're just as bad as her with your controlling attitude. I'm disgusted at your DH tbh. He should be financially supporting his children no matter what you think.

deuxmoulins · 23/05/2017 20:37

No, it shouldn't be ignored, it was a heinous comment and she should of course apologies. I'm sorry about your son Flowers

PPs are, however, frustrated because by taking away the maintenance you are not punishing her, but the children who have done nothing absolutely nothing wrong. It's not their fault their mother is a vile, but sort that out between you two. Be the better person.

BigDeskBob · 23/05/2017 20:38

His children didn't make the comments. What small minded idiot doesn't contribute to the upbringing if his children because of something his ex says.

JuicyStrawberry · 23/05/2017 20:38

OP I'm glad you've come back.
What are you going to do?

I'm so sorry about your DS Flowers And she said what she said in the full knowledge of what you have been through... Nasty Bitch.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 23/05/2017 20:39

Sigh.

As people have been saying for nine pages - her comment was disgusting and inexcusable. But it was HER comment. You can't punish YOUR HUSBAND'S CHILDREN for something another human said - not if you're decent people.

Muddlingalongalone · 23/05/2017 20:40

Will you threaten to withdraw maintenance every time she does something you disagree with???

As about 300 people including myself have already said of course it's hurtful and unacceptable the words she used, but that will never make it morally right for him to stop supporting his children financially.

JuicyStrawberry · 23/05/2017 20:41

He needs to go to work then doesn't he or else his children won't get the maintenance due.

BrightonBelleCat · 23/05/2017 20:41

No one has said oh bravo exw you said a great thing.

Every person on here has condemned that horrible comment.

What you are now saying is in order to put a roof over the heads of HIS dc, she has to dance to your tune.

That should be just as condemned. You are punishing HIS dc for a comment made to you.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 23/05/2017 20:43

How could anybody want to punish two children because their mother is a twat?

The mind baffles.

Atenco · 23/05/2017 20:45

OP, how on earth can you be happy with a man like that being the father of your child? It could well be you spitting blood in the future because he conditions the maintenance for your child on your behaving. Don't have him as SAHD as it will only break your child's heart even more.

And yes, what the ex said was totally disgusting.

TreeTop7 · 23/05/2017 20:47

Those two children must continue to be provided for. He can't dodge his responsibilities by hanging out at home. And would you want to be involved with such a man anyway?

The miscarriage comment was exceptionally unkind and you deserve an apology. But it's a separate topic from the maintenance.

FlossyMooToo · 23/05/2017 20:48

I am sorry you lost a child.

That however does not excuse you taking financial support away from other children.

She SAID vile things. Do you understand? They are words but yet here you are wanting to punish children.

You are coming across as abusive OP.
You are using money to control the ex and using poverty to abuse the children.

Waltermittythesequel · 23/05/2017 20:50

What she said was horrific and she's a nasty, nasty fucker.

But her punishment can't be that you withdraw maintenance!

The only way that would possibly be remotely ok would be if your dh reduced maintenance until he got a job. He needs to support his kids. You don't.

HamletsSister · 23/05/2017 20:50

RTFT

Waltermittythesequel · 23/05/2017 20:51

Who was that to Hamlet?

HildaOg · 23/05/2017 20:53

Her comment is completely irrelevant, he has a responsibility to support his children.

And her comment came from rage and distress when she was informed that he would be purposely making himself unemployed and she would have to fully support her children herself without financial help due to your pregnancy. She's hardly going to congratulate you under the circumstances given the situation you and your husband are choosing to put her and her children in.

It's very difficult to cope financially as a single parent when your ex is a loser who doesn't contribute.

LoupGarou · 23/05/2017 20:53

Firstly Flowers losing a child is always horrific x.

Of course her horrible comments should be ignored in relation to the CM issue. They should, as everyone has been saying, be dealt with separately. Those comments were between you and her, the CM is about the kids. The two issues should have absolutely nothing to do with each other.

Do you really want to have a child and spend your life with a man who thinks its OK to punish his kids for his ex wife's twattish comments?! In what universe do you think that's ok, to punish the kids?! Hmm

It sounds like its a case of any thinly veiled excuse to stop paying CM.

Waltermittythesequel · 23/05/2017 20:54

Don't make excuses for her Hilda, or you'll sound like one of those posters who will make any excuse for a woman/ex!

NotHotDogMum · 23/05/2017 20:56

Well dh spoke to her tonight and explained that if she apologises for the horrible and unnecessary m/c comment then everything will continue as normal re maintenance*

^ so because the mother is a bitch your DH is going to punish his kids,you do understand that cm is
FOR HIS KIDS, not pocket money for the EXW?

GaelicSiog · 23/05/2017 20:58

OP, that depends on how you told her.

If you told her he was becoming a SAHD but not about the maintenance then I think you both need to apologise to each other.

HildaOg · 23/05/2017 20:59

"one of those posters"? What's that supposed to mean Walter? I empathise with any woman whose ex chooses to be a loser who refuses to contribute to the kids placing the family in extremely precarious circumstances. You have no idea how stressful that is. I do.

And any woman who encourages her husband to do that to another woman and her kids deserves as much sympathy as he does for the reaction. None.

Waltermittythesequel · 23/05/2017 21:00

Ah, so you are one of those posters.

Well, OP thankfully most people are condemning what she said.