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Original poster

Dsc, new baby and maintenance

783 replies

Gildolann · 22/05/2017 22:52

NC for this just in case!
DH has 2 dc, dss 15 and dsd 12. He currently pays cm to his ex wife.
I am 26 weeks pregnant and DH has been made redundant, so we have decided that I will go back to work full time and DH will be a SAHD, all going well with the birth, my post natal health etc etc.
DH ex wife has gone absolutely mental when she found this out, texting DH that i will still have to give her money every month. Saying her dc are more important than our unborn dc and how I will probably miscarriage again anyway and now I don't want to give her anything. I was going to continue the maintainance arrangement as normal but she has fucked that.

OP posts:
fatdogs · 24/05/2017 21:48

@stichglitched if men were awarded residence they would not have to pay and by default as resident parent would have to meet their share of responsibilities or face prosecution for neglect. The women can then fulfil the responsibility of paying maintainence, work without restrictions and build a new life unfettered. All thing s which ex wives seem to feel they lose out on and resent their exes about.
When that possibility is brought up, suddenly a lot of ex wives are willing to forego maintainence to hang on to the children. I wonder why?

mrssapphirebright · 24/05/2017 21:49

It's not bitter to expect parent to support their dc, it's bitter to expect a your ex's dp to support your Dc, particularly after you have just made comments about their baby dying.

needsahalo · 24/05/2017 21:50

Utter bollox. Just bollox. You have no clue at all. Why shouldn't an NRP support their children? Please explain why it's ok to expect a child with two able-bodied parents to only receive the financial support of one?

Dadkh · 24/05/2017 21:51

Actually Fliptophead as I said earlier I have custody of my eldest and I paid my rent and bills roughly £1,200 a month also extra childcare and school requirements on my own when I was a single parent as I was never offered maintenance nor did I seek it as I worked all I required was consistent contact for my child with my ex to support his needs

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:52

When that possibility is brought up, suddenly a lot of ex wives are willing to forego maintainence to hang on to the children. I wonder why?

Maybe because growing them in their body, feeling them move and then birthing them means they have such a connection with their child they are willing to take the shit end of the stick for them because losing them is is not an option.

stitchglitched · 24/05/2017 21:52

Wtf are you on about fatdogs? Maybe the mothers forego maintenance to hang onto the children because they know their kids would be screwed with a neglectful father who won't even provide the bare minimum legally enforceable amount of support.

fatdogs · 24/05/2017 21:52

@needsahalo it's bitter and entitled. to expect a new spouse of a parent to support children of that parent's previous relationship. And to castigate them when they refuse to.

needsahalo · 24/05/2017 21:53

The ex got pissed off at the lack of maintenance. There is nothing in the OPs post which suggests the ex has demanded the OP pays the maintenance. Rather, it is the OP who has half offered and in the same breath taken away. The ex said something dreadful. The response is a far worse action inanything but the here and now of the situation. Nowt so blind, is there?

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:54

Its bitter an entitled to punish a child for their prents actions.

You are one fucked up bummy fat

stitchglitched · 24/05/2017 21:54

So which is it fatdogs? Are these bitter exes entitled and after money or are they more concerned with hanging onto their kids, even if they have to forego the maintenance?

Fliptophead · 24/05/2017 21:54

Uh dad I have no idea if you have a twelve year old or not... I was making a point about the ops husband who won't live with the child. Which you haven't responded to Hmm would you expenct the nrp to know exactly what the child needed?

More than likely this stupid plan will result in even more work for the rp as she has Togo over every purchase.

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:54

bunny

needsahalo · 24/05/2017 21:55

s bitter and entitled. to expect a new spouse of a parent to support children of that parent's previous relationship. And to castigate them when they refuse to

But that's not how the OP has explained it happened, is it?

Fliptophead · 24/05/2017 21:56

If the op had started a thread saying

"I want my husband to be a stay at home parent but he has a monthly Carlton I don't want to pay"

She'd be told to fuck off. "Family money" you're getting child care etc.

But human children nah

Fliptophead · 24/05/2017 21:57

*car loan!

needsahalo · 24/05/2017 21:58

dad that was your choice. You could have pursued maintenance. I support my children 100%. I choose to pursue maintenance. My choice. I own it. I don't need the maintenance. Not even nearly. It doesn't let my ex off the hook.

Dadkh · 24/05/2017 21:58

Fliptophead I would expect 2 adult parents to come to a mutually beneficial agreement for the sake of the kids and if maintenance wasn't a viable option and as childmaintenance is for the support of children then anything that helps to reduce the RP's outgoings on the children be it the cost of school trips throughout the year and having them extra days I.e providing them with food and a roof etc then surely that is more important

fatdogs · 24/05/2017 21:59

If a father who had residence neglected his children, he will face prosecution or the mother can make an application to have residence changed. The default position is that women expect and demand residence. Well then they have to accept the risk that comes with residence. That is the risk that the resident patent will always have to take the bulk of the financial hit.
@flossymootoo I don't buy that and it isbthat sort of thinking that I think has partly fostered the mentality that some men have of feeling less invested in their children. Society and women like you make so much to the biological connection that women have by default with the children, as if it gives them some superior ownership. No wonder men feel less invested once they are physically apart from the children and prefer to become more invested in children of the new relationship in which they see greater ownership. Is this right? Probably not. But it happens. How long will it take to change? I have no idea. Maybe never.
In the meantime, OP still has no responsibility for her DH children. The law agress with me. The law may be an ass to some of you. But that is what it is and all opprobrium should be directed at DH.

fatdogs · 24/05/2017 22:02

@needsahalo nowt so blind as those who will not see indeed. The OP said in her post that ex has texted DH saying that OP will still have to give her money every month. It's right there. I think you're the one who sees what you want to see very selectively.

Dadkh · 24/05/2017 22:04

needsahalo yes it was my choice as I did it on my own, for me it was never about the money it was my child having contact with his mum, she provides at her house mostly and I provide everything else, we don't know what the OP's other half will do, he could be the world's best SAHP or he could be shit, the world will still turn

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 22:05

Society and women like you make so much to the biological connection that women have by default with the children, as if it gives them some superior ownership.

Dont be stupid.
It is bioligical fact nothing to do with society.
Why do you think the majority of single parents are women?
Why do you think the majority of parents who walk away from their kids are men?
It is in part due to societies children are womens work which my the way was enforced by men throughout the ages but also the biological conbection women have with the children they birth.

Please do not prentend you are stupid. I dont believe you are.

JuicyStrawberry · 24/05/2017 22:05

It's not bitter to expect parent to support their dc, it's bitter to expect a your ex's dp to support your Dc, particularly after you have just made comments about their baby dying.

I know. It wasn't exactly a throw away comment was it. The hurt will stick. Imagine going to work to earn money to give to someone who wishes your baby was dead. Fuck that.

needsahalo · 24/05/2017 22:07

nowt so blind as those who will not see indeed. The OP said in her post that ex has texted DH saying that OP will still have to give her money every month. It's right there. I think you're the one who sees what you want to see very selectively

The texting came after the comment?

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 22:08

I know. It wasn't exactly a throw away comment was it. The hurt will stick. Imagine going to work to earn money to give to someone who wishes your baby was dead. Fuck that.

Imagine knowing a person holds the purse strings and decides if your children eat or not. Fuck that.

fatdogs · 24/05/2017 22:08

@needsahalo it's both. They could do away with the angst of chasing maintainence by forgoing residence to the father (assuming the father wants residence) and then paying to the father their share of maintainence at minimal levels if they wish. But as good decent parent they would like men to be they would sirely be paying way above minimum. After all as NRP, dad is doing so much already. But they want residence and they want maintainence even if it comes from dad's new spouse in this case apparently.
but push comes to shove maintainence can be forgone as residence brings more benfits such as child benefit and child tax credits. Not all women before anyone jumps down my throat. Never all women. But some women. Enough of them to create a noticeable pattern.

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