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Original poster

Dsc, new baby and maintenance

783 replies

Gildolann · 22/05/2017 22:52

NC for this just in case!
DH has 2 dc, dss 15 and dsd 12. He currently pays cm to his ex wife.
I am 26 weeks pregnant and DH has been made redundant, so we have decided that I will go back to work full time and DH will be a SAHD, all going well with the birth, my post natal health etc etc.
DH ex wife has gone absolutely mental when she found this out, texting DH that i will still have to give her money every month. Saying her dc are more important than our unborn dc and how I will probably miscarriage again anyway and now I don't want to give her anything. I was going to continue the maintainance arrangement as normal but she has fucked that.

OP posts:
mrssapphirebright · 24/05/2017 21:35

Yes fliptop, I have dc. My back story presumption was to contrast yours which presumed the backstory was all the op's fault.

needsahalo · 24/05/2017 21:35

I think the 'you're just a bitter ex wife' is just about my favourite get out comment I frequently see on mumsnet. It is very bitter, I agree, to firstly expect a father to take responsibility for the support of his children and secondly to expect that his family and friends do not actively support a father who makes the choice to not support his children Confused

Dadkh · 24/05/2017 21:35

So again it's about the money and not the support of the children or maybe instead of maintenance he should just by them what they need then the ex can't complain about maintenance

stitchglitched · 24/05/2017 21:36

Dadkh- you have no idea where the kids live, in relation to their Dad, where their school is etc. Maybe they are happy living with their Mum. Perhaps they don't want to be shunted back and forward at their father's whim and financial motivations. Everyone should alter their lives drastically just so Dad doesn't have to support his kids?

NotISaidTheWalrus · 24/05/2017 21:36

That isnt how it works.

mrssapphirebright · 24/05/2017 21:37

I don't think anyone is saying the father shouldn't take responsibly for is Dc, just that the step parent shouldn't have to.

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:38

No mrs you were making shit up to fit.

Some of us are keeping up and your pists speak volumes. Shame on you.

stitchglitched · 24/05/2017 21:39

Dadkh. How will he buy them things they need like food, rent and heating without involving their mother? And if he had the money to buy them things they need why wouldn't he just pay the support?

needsahalo · 24/05/2017 21:40

so a fair agreement would be half a week each and no one pays maintenance

We did this for a while. I still,paid for everything - trips, uniform, haircuts, shoes, lunches, bus fares, school bags, tech, trainers, full childcare, clothes. The only costs I lost were 7 teas a fortnight.

fatdogs · 24/05/2017 21:40

Where does it say OP is actively encouraging her DH to give up work? Why is this decision suddenly brought about ACTIVELY by OP when she states that THEY reached the decision together? When a man decides to SAH, he has been ACTIVELY encouraged by his wife. When a woman decides to SAH, it is a decision reached as a couple.
OP is well within her rights to decide that her husband being SAHD is the best choice for her and her family. Her DH doesn't have to go along with that choice of he doesn't want to.
It is really interesting to see the mindset of so many bitter ex wives who not only make demand on their exes bit also feel some kind of entitlement to their new spouse's income.
To the pp who said that a lot of NRP dads shirk maintainence, maybe that would happen less often if dad's were given full residence more.

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:41

instead of maintenance he should just by them what they need then the ex can't complain about maintenance

You dont have a clue do you dad Hmm

What use is a new tracksuite when the rent needs paying or food in their belly?

peachgreen · 24/05/2017 21:41

Mrss But DH's decision to give up work and stop paying for his kids doesn't exist in a vacuum. It's just as much OP's decision. I'm not saying she should be forced to pay the CM BUT if they want him to be a SAHD it follows that she then has to pick up his financial obligations and that includes his CM. If she doesn't want to do that, he can't be a SAHD. She can't have it both ways.

Dadkh · 24/05/2017 21:42

stitchglitched no i dont have any idea, no one on here does we are all just using our own life experiences to comment on the OP's issues, we don't know if the ex is bitter or if the dad is lazy or was in a dead end job or if the OP could get a better career by going back to work, what we do know is the ex wife demanding the OP to still pay maintenance and the things she said was out of order, I'm not saying that the dad should not step up but a parent RP or not is not a bank and support isn't always about money

mrssapphirebright · 24/05/2017 21:42

Er no flossy I was not making shit up to fit, I was trying to put a counter argument to the thought that the backstory was all the op's and her dh's fault.

There are two sides to a story you know flossy. You do understand the concept of a debate don't you? As in people are entitled to have a different viewpoint than you?

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:43

When a man decides to SAH, he has been ACTIVELY encouraged by his wife.

I would think any couple would make this choice together. One of them takes on full financial responsibility whether that be man or women.

stitchglitched · 24/05/2017 21:43

Fatdogs, why should Dads who choose not to pay maintenance be awarded residence? They have already proven they are incapable of putting the needs of their child first and are guilty of neglect.

needsahalo · 24/05/2017 21:44

suddenly brought about ACTIVELY by OP when she states that THEY reached the decision together?

So together they decided supporting her partner's existing children was unnecessary. [comfused]

CrazedZombie · 24/05/2017 21:45

The 15 year old could be doing their GCSEs right now (or be doing them next year) Moving schools etc will not be possible. (Obviously assuming that dad doesn't live locally)

Fliptophead · 24/05/2017 21:45

"Yes fliptop, I have dc. My back story presumption was to contrast yours which presumed the backstory was all the op's fault."

Except I was responding to repeated comments that the op was probably doing this due to some backstory we don't know about. Despite not saying that.

Despite the fact that we know they're capable of doing that as that's what's they literally did.

So you're talking shit basically

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:45

mrs you made up a whole backstory that does not exsist. Not even a hint.

You created a story that sides totalky agsinst the ex with no lead from the OP. She never even mentioned a back syory or any previos isdues. You made tup to fit your pov.

Silly.

Dadkh · 24/05/2017 21:46

As a parent I do know Flossy, and as an ex that has never received maintenance and still supported other people's children during and after a relationship I have a good understanding of how broken family's work

needsahalo · 24/05/2017 21:46

fatdogs your posts don't even make sense. There is no logic to them. And again, why exactly is it bitter to expect a parent to support their children?

stitchglitched · 24/05/2017 21:47

Dadkh, getting made redundant and offering to pick up the slack with childcare would be a big help if the children were little. At 12 and 15 it's an insult.

And since we are now apparently making up the backstory to suit ourselves, maybe the ex spent years hoping the Dad would step up and do more when it was actually needed, not when it is to be used as a means to avoid maintenance.

Fliptophead · 24/05/2017 21:47

"So again it's about the money and not the support of the children or maybe instead of maintenance he should just by them what they need then the ex can't complain about maintenance"

Well Dad how much does a three bedroom home cost for the ex? They aren't cheap. And then food and clothes for school. Do you let your twelve year old tell you what they need exactly for school if you didn't live with them.

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:47

Sorry for the typos needy cat Blush

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