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Original poster

Dsc, new baby and maintenance

783 replies

Gildolann · 22/05/2017 22:52

NC for this just in case!
DH has 2 dc, dss 15 and dsd 12. He currently pays cm to his ex wife.
I am 26 weeks pregnant and DH has been made redundant, so we have decided that I will go back to work full time and DH will be a SAHD, all going well with the birth, my post natal health etc etc.
DH ex wife has gone absolutely mental when she found this out, texting DH that i will still have to give her money every month. Saying her dc are more important than our unborn dc and how I will probably miscarriage again anyway and now I don't want to give her anything. I was going to continue the maintainance arrangement as normal but she has fucked that.

OP posts:
stitchglitched · 24/05/2017 21:20

It certainly gives an insight into the mindset of partners who support deadbeat Dads in the financial abuse of their children.

Dadkh · 24/05/2017 21:20

Actually FlossyMooToo it was google Wink

mrssapphirebright · 24/05/2017 21:21

I disagree that step parents should step up to providing for their dp's dc! Fair enough if they take the kids on when they are little and the other bio parent is not on the scene. Kids have 2 parents not 3 or 4.

I don't expect my dh to support me and my dc. Me and my exh can co parent together and support our dc. I don't see why my dh should pay for the fact that mine and my ex's marriage broke down. Fair enough if they want to, which my dh does.

JuicyStrawberry · 24/05/2017 21:22

peach Nobody has said its ok. He needs to find a job and provide for his children. People are just pointing out that it's not up to the op to pay for his responsibilities. He is the one at fault here.

NotISaidTheWalrus · 24/05/2017 21:23

OP is not just not providing for his dc she is actively encouraging him to give up work and avoid child support payments

Is this too tough a concept for you to grasp? Do you not see the problem?

stitchglitched · 24/05/2017 21:23

Is your DH aware that you feel no sense of responsibility towards his children? God, I wouldn't see a friend or neighbour's kid go without, let alone the kids of the man I love.

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:24

I never said it did dad.

I would fight for your right to CM as a RP regardless of your penis. But I would also say if your ex offer 1 hours babysitting for a 12 yo on lieu of financial support she was a shit parent without a clue. Which acvording to you is adequate Hmm

mrssapphirebright · 24/05/2017 21:24

Flossy I'm not quite sure why you are making snide comments about my dh being a catch..... You don't know my dh. He does pay maintenance for his Dc unlike the op's dh.

Fliptophead · 24/05/2017 21:25

There probably is a massive backstory.

One where the op and her dh don't bother to give any proper info to the ex wife and hold cm over head. No wonder she's fucking petrified of the op having a child.

Dadkh · 24/05/2017 21:25

Didn't say an hour, I said is the issue the money or the support

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:25

Ahh so its you thats the catch then mrs then I feel sorry for your DH.

Fliptophead · 24/05/2017 21:26

I'd find it quite funny if the ex wife and the dc decided to let them move in with stay at home daddy for six months. See how the op feels about it all then

mrssapphirebright · 24/05/2017 21:26

My dh would not voluntarily leave his job and expect me to pay for his dc no.

Nor would he expect me to put my own kids into poverty by paying his maintenance for him if he were to lose his job or become ill.

Fliptophead · 24/05/2017 21:28

Question for everyone. Should the OP's dh be allowed to buy himself clothing? A lunch out? Or should he have no access to family funds whatsoever?

stitchglitched · 24/05/2017 21:28

I don't feel sorry for him. He has chosen to inflict someone on his kids who doesn't give a shit about them.

mrssapphirebright · 24/05/2017 21:29

More likely that the backstory is that op begrudges paying for the step kids that her and dh never see as the exw withholds access whenever she has a hissy fit about something and exh and new wife won't play ball.

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:29

Didn't say an hour, I said is the issue the money or the support

A parent should provide both.
A SAHP provides both emotional (running the home being there for dc sll day) and financial support. They give up their earning potential to raise the child and in turn cut out the need to pay for child care.

The dad in this thread is not providing finamcial support or emotional support. He will not be running the home in which his dc reside and he will not vonribute financially.

stitchglitched · 24/05/2017 21:30

He will probably have free rein over the finances, can be as frivolous as he likes. It's just supporting his kids that is banned because we all know the ex will be using it for hair extensions and manicures.

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:31

mrs that is some speculation!

Amazing what shit you will make up just to fit your agenda Hmm

Dadkh · 24/05/2017 21:32

Ok so a fair agreement would be half a week each and no one pays maintenance

FlossyMooToo · 24/05/2017 21:33

Why should the childrens lives suddenly dramatically change just vecausecdaddy does not want to pay?

stitchglitched · 24/05/2017 21:33

The only one throwing a hissy fit, from the evidence in this thread, is the OP and her DP who are threatening to withhold money because the ex wife won't play ball and apologise. Not even a mention of contact so why make up a load of nonsense?

Fliptophead · 24/05/2017 21:33

^Today 21:29 mrssapphirebright

More likely that the backstory is that op begrudges paying for the step kids that her and dh never see as the exw withholds access whenever she has a hissy fit about something and exh and new wife won't play ball.^

Do you actually have children?? Hmm would you personally rather do all the childcare 24/7 or would you rather have two days off a week with a bit of fucking respite from single parenthood where you have a glass of wine and a mother fucking lie in.

mrssapphirebright · 24/05/2017 21:33

Flossy I was just trying to balance out fliptops presumption the the back story would be all op and her dh's fault.

Keep up.

Lelloteddy · 24/05/2017 21:34

Do you have such sad marriages that what your husband does with his life is nothing at all to do with you? You really would say "ok dear, you stop paying maintenance for your children, nothing to do with me"

'I feel sorry for you that your relationships are so shitty that you aren't a real couple, and that you have so little care for your stepchildren that you aren't a real family.

Sad for them and you, and worse that you think its something to boast about.'

This. When DP was struggling financially, the maintenance for his kids came out of my savings. As it should be. Because we are a family and his kids are as much a part of that family as mine.
It always intrigues me that so many women demand a central role in the audience at the school play, or when disciplining their step kids ( their way or the high way) yet still chose to opt out of the bits of step parenting ( i.e putting food on the table or a roof over their heads) that they just don't like.

If a resident parent refused to house or feed their kids they'd be on the SS radar for neglect. Same rules should apply for NRPS.