Dsc, new baby and maintenance

[Gildolann]

NC for this just in case!
DH has 2 dc, dss 15 and dsd 12. He currently pays cm to his ex wife.
I am 26 weeks pregnant and DH has been made redundant, so we have decided that I will go back to work full time and DH will be a SAHD, all going well with the birth, my post natal health etc etc.
DH ex wife has gone absolutely mental when she found this out, texting DH that i will still have to give her money every month. Saying her dc are more important than our unborn dc and how I will probably miscarriage again anyway and now I don't want to give her anything. I was going to continue the maintainance arrangement as normal but she has fucked that.

Do you have such sad marriages that what your husband does with his life is nothing at all to do with you? You really would say "ok dear, you stop paying maintenance for your children, nothing to do with me"

I feel sorry for you that your relationships are so shitty that you aren't a real couple, and that you have so little care for your stepchildren that you aren't a real family.

Sad for them and you, and worse that you think its something to boast about.

If I was the exw is see a shl about getting his redundancy pay!!!!

Omg. That poster should hang their head in shame. And I thought my dh's exw was a nightmare!!

@juicystrawberry I do think there may be a back story. I can't imagine myself flying off the handle and being so vile and using personal details to distress someone unless there was already some animoissity and tension. If there was an amicable relationship and even some sort of tentative friendship between the parties, there would not be such a reaction right off the bat on hearing the news. Ex wife probably has form and this ultimate low may have made up OP's mind. If it is indeed so, OP has to be applauded for even offering an olive branch to take on the obligation.

Mrs what a charming woman you are

such ignorance and bile. And people wonder where the wicked stepmother stereotype comes from.....

how thick are some posters jesus.

Dad read up on feminism if you want to know what mansplaining is.
You are a perfect example.

well I consider myself and my dh to be a real couple and we are part of a real family. So that's all that matters. I don't need small minded mumsnetters to validate that for me.

the op has to be applauded.....?

for advocating that children suffer?

ffs.

'And I thought my dh's exw was a nightmare!!'

Aww, wasn't she happy when you had an affair with her husband? What a bitch, eh.

Fat the OP took on that obligation when she decided it was ok for her husband to give up financial responsibilty and rely on her.
New children should not replace exsisting ones.....or are you actually saying they do?

Fatdogs the op will never be applauded on a thread like this. Too many bitter ex wives projecting their own insecurities onto it.

I bet any money there is a massive backstory from op. Probably tipped the op over the edge.

Mrs
glad i'm not alone in thinking as i do, read a few of your posts and could not agree more!
Poor OP has been very unfairly slated i feel.

I cannot believe how many posters think it's okay for a man to ditch his children from a previous relationship in favour of a new baby. What is wrong with you all?! How can you possibly condone that?!

So that's all that matters

Clearly to you thats all that matters. i imagine your husbands previous children think they matter a bit too, not that you give a bollocks.

You know when people complain that stepmothers get a hard time on here? Youre why.

mrss lets hope you dont fall from your ivory tower. Your DH is a catch isnt he....how proud you must be.

This thread makes me glad I teach my daughters that menz are accountable and that compassion is a virtue that not everyone has.

sapphire I feel no shame for saying exw should try to claim his redundancy. The point of those payments is to help him meet his financial obligations while he looks for a new job. Child support is a financial obligation - the most important one he has. Given that he and the OP are considering opting out of their responsibility to his dc , too right to ex should go after the redundancy!

Ordinarily I would agree that financial obligations to the kids rest primarily with the bio parent rather than the step parent, but given the OP will benefit financially from her dh sah, I think that obliges her to share that financial advantage with her step children. It just isn't fair that they lose support.
If you marry someone with kids, you have to accept that you don't have the same freedom in your life choices as if you married someone with no dc. The children's needs must always be a priority. If you don't like this, then marry a man with no kids.

Yeap handmaidens, I call it as I see it and my opinion being different to yours doesn't make it less valid.

There is a large % of NRP who actively avoid paying child support and the majority are male, see Gingerbread for the exact numbers.

When people start treatinh NRPs who avoid supporting their children are treated with the contempt they deserve the better.

Peach I'm not sure anyone has said its ok for a man to not support is dc. I certainly don't think so. Op's dh sounds like he is shirking his responsibilities and putting his new family first, which I think is wrong.

However this is not op's fault! It's not her responsibility to pick up his tab. And no way should she be treated like she has by his exw and then be expected to cough up. Op now has a responsibility to her dc.

FlossyMooToo
mansplain
manˈspleɪn/Submit
verbinformal
gerund or present participle: mansplaining
(of a man) explain (something) to someone, typically a woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing.
"I'm listening to a guy mansplain economics to his wife"

I think half these posters are on the wind up or sock puppets.

I cannot believe so many women would advocate the financial control and punishment of children on mn.

If they are all genuine then I think MN campagine of every child matters needs to be broader.

Oh and before I get accused of being a bitter first wife etc.

No kids, nor does DP, neither of us have ever been married.

Mrss But if OP and DH have made the joint decision that DH should become a SAHD then surely she will pick up his financial obligations, e.g. phone bill, car payments etc. Why is it okay for them to decide to just skip this one, actively hurting his children?

Well done Dad.
You can use a dictionary.

And for the record, I am not a bitter ex wife with an agenda. I am just someone who thinks that parenthood isn't optional!

FlossyMooToo sorry did I not say that I have full custody of my son from my ex and I have never once claimed maintenence or asked for any support from my ex (nor was it offered) even when I was a single working parent who paid my own childcare and other things that a single parent say, the fact I have a penis does not change the fact I am a parent

Some women are complete twats.