Dsc, new baby and maintenance

[Gildolann]

NC for this just in case!
DH has 2 dc, dss 15 and dsd 12. He currently pays cm to his ex wife.
I am 26 weeks pregnant and DH has been made redundant, so we have decided that I will go back to work full time and DH will be a SAHD, all going well with the birth, my post natal health etc etc.
DH ex wife has gone absolutely mental when she found this out, texting DH that i will still have to give her money every month. Saying her dc are more important than our unborn dc and how I will probably miscarriage again anyway and now I don't want to give her anything. I was going to continue the maintainance arrangement as normal but she has fucked that.

Yeah, she is encouraging it @fatdogs because regardless of what the mother is like, the children still need supporting!

Jeez, some people. No wonder so many dads get away with being total deadbeats 

So its ok that those consequences result in financial hardship for the children?

I suppose now Dad has a new child he does not have to care about his other kids.
Sick attitude.

the OP was prepared to take on until ex wife showed her colours.
The OP/DP made no such reassurances to EW, she's just saying "well I would have but I won't now"

anyway CHILD MAINTENANCE ISN'T FOR THE EX ITS FOR THE F-ING KIDS SO WHETHER THE EW IS THE NICEST OR THE MOST AWFUL NASTY PERSON IN THE WORLD SHOULDN'T MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As for those saying the OP may well be in the position ofbthe ex wife, well maybe she will and maybe she won't. The sensible goingbto do is to make sure she is self sufficient which every one should be doing anyway. And I never believe in family money. I would never financially depend on someone and gave no respect for anyone who financially depends on me. Everyone should seek to earn enough for themselves to live on if they were suddenly single. The decision to have children should be made on the basis of whether you could bring them up on your sole income should you have to.

I honestly do not get how CM payments are reduced when a man starts living with someone else's children but the new partners salary doesn't count towards CM payments for his own children.

Either you are a 'family' and therefore it should go both ways, or you are not and then why on earth should someone else's children mean you get to pay less towards your actual children?

Can I ask If any of the redundancy payment went to the step children? Can you continue to pay the CM from that?

Also OP if she wished on me what she wished on you I'd struggle to ever be civil to her again. That is the most repulsive thing in the world you can ever wish in a pregnant woman.

It's really nasty, nobody is arguing it, but it's still just words, and nowhere near as bad as a couple arranging their finances in such a way that other children actually suffer. The EWs words won't make the OP more likely to suffer a loss, but the OPs joint decistions with her DP will make his other children actually lose out, not just in financial terms, but in the realisation that they are not a priority for their father!

I find it very curious that fatdogs has only ever posted on this thread.

Fatdogs i cannot believe you have conviction it what you are saying.

You are advocating putting children on the breadline because of revenge.
There are so many scathing things you deserve to read about yourself but MNHQ would delete me.
To have an attitude where children are disposable as you clearly believe they are is beyond comprehension. I hope to god you are not a mother.

I find it very curious that fatdogs has only ever posted on this thread. hmm

Probably the OP or dead beat dad.

If revenge was really the order of the day.. lets be a bit abstract here.. then an appropriate revenge would be to say something back to the OW that hit her buttons and upset her

punishing her (and the OPs DPs children, the OPs childs siblings) as revenge for something the EW said is DISPICABLE

and this is about punishment/revenge if the OP says she would otherwise have paid up!

what the ex wife said was nasty. But OP you are equally nasty even considering stopping the CM ( or supporting your partner to be a SAHP). At least her words don't attack the children unlike your actions.

To be blunt I don't actually believe another woman would say those words. But then I only know nice balanced people.

Neither OP nor her DH unfortunately for the suspicious on this thread. I was a previous poster who lost my login to my email address which I use to sign up to a number of forums and have had to get new user names for all of them.
If I were OP, ii would be very against the idea of DH being a SAHD for reasons stated above. Should all parents (mainly dads) support their children? Of course. Do a lot of them squirm out of it? Yes! Should they be allowed to? No! But is it goingbto change and is there anything we can do about it? No.
You can't control the behaviour of others, you can't depend on the financial kindness of others. Ex wife has been given her choice to make. OP has her choice to make. I don't see why OP has to be vilkifird as if she owes the ex wife some obligation.

Btw, i am only going by what OP has posted. Ig she never had any intention to pay the maintainence and is now saying this to make ex wife squirm then that is wrong of course.

Also if him dropping work means that they retain universal credit, is that not his income?

It's wrong regardless.

You don't get to opt out of supporting your children simply because you don't like their mother

As someone else said no wonder it's so easy for men to abandon their children.

I'm quite happy to say I judge them 6 ways to Sunday and the women who maintain relationships with them.

One of DPs colleagues complained for years about his ex chasing him for child support, because he only saw his daughter twice year.
The reality was that he only chose to see her twice a year. Wasn't because of distance are anything else he and his second wife who was the OW lived 10 minutes away from his ex and daughter

His current complaint is that the ex-wife has turned daughter against him and she refuses to see him The daughters is a teen and has realised that her dad is a twat.

That's when he's not complaining about the second wife chasing him for child-support yep the new partner is yet again the OW.

Be warned if he is happy to abandon two children what's going to stop him abandoning three??

Just because you're having a dc doesn't mean that your partner's EXISTING dc are free to feed, clothe and house. That's a disgusting attitude.

You and your h need to keep paying the same amount to his ex for their upkeep.

I was going to continue the maintainance arrangement as normal but she has fucked that.

^^ Taken from the OP Fat.
So she is using it as revenge. Do you still think OP is justified?

Be careful what you wish for!

My ex became a SAHD with the new baby. We didn't receive maintenance for 4 years. My kids learnt to live with very little, I budgeted the hell out of every penny. His wife forced him back into work when the 'baby' started school. She resents him, my kids despise him. I couldn't give a toss about him. He did it to get at me - not caring about our children - but he is the loser.

The OP is NOT opting out of child support. She has no obligation to pay child support. All this vitriol should be aimed at OP DH

It is her obligation when she's decided that her husband will stay at home. All her earnings are family money and therefore child maintenance should still be paid out of them.

When they made a family decision for him to stay at home ut affected the whole family. Are his children not family fat?

As someone who has decided not to spend my life chasing my ex for money I have never claimed child maintenance for 3 kids! I support my kids myself financially . Mainly because he is the type of person that would not hand over any money without a fight.
So I really don't get why everyone is jumping on The Op ? I can see why she doesn't want to fund the ex ! And all this the money is for the kids not the ex I'm sure that's how it's meant to be but in reality it doesn't put food on the table, it puts hair extensions and false nails on the ex partner!flame me all you like but we all know someone like that .

@flossymootoo, OP has said later that if ex wife apologises for jumping the gun and her abuse she will, as originally planned, voluntarily take on her DH commitment. Ball is in ex wife's court really. Of course this is again going by what OP said in her post. Could be that OP had no intention to pay and now sees this as a golden opportunity to make ex wife eat a whole lot of crow. But I am just addressing the post at face value.