Dsc, new baby and maintenance

[Gildolann]

NC for this just in case!
DH has 2 dc, dss 15 and dsd 12. He currently pays cm to his ex wife.
I am 26 weeks pregnant and DH has been made redundant, so we have decided that I will go back to work full time and DH will be a SAHD, all going well with the birth, my post natal health etc etc.
DH ex wife has gone absolutely mental when she found this out, texting DH that i will still have to give her money every month. Saying her dc are more important than our unborn dc and how I will probably miscarriage again anyway and now I don't want to give her anything. I was going to continue the maintainance arrangement as normal but she has fucked that.

Sorry granny looking through yhe thread i can only see posts stating men should not have more children with another partner if they are unable to support the first.
If you would like to point out the posts that say men should not have otther kids with no mention of keeping up with looking after the first I will happily stand corrected.

Hey maybe he could even get their mother to pay HIM maintenance. That would be cool. Win win for him and fuck the children. Good heavens no, surely not! A man getting maintenance for his children from their mother. We all know it doesn't work like that.

Of course he should get maintenance if the children go to live with him. Maybe the kids would prefer to be with him. If their mother is generally so nasty I wouldn't be surprised.

Flossy I'm not your servant.

Flossy I'm not your servant.

I never said you were but i have read the thread and cannot see the posts you speak of. If you are unwilling to back up your statement then I can only assume you are lying.

Flossy I'm not your servant.

The burden of proof is on the person making the claim.

Some people are missing the point, OP said they were continuing the maintenance payments and the ex wife blew her top, presumably before she knew this. Does she not realise her children will be related to the baby, what a nasty, malicious thing to say x

I think it depends on whether you are married ( I assume you are). If you are married then your money is classed as together in which case he is due maintenance. However, if he is not married and unemployed as a SAHD, then he would not be due it. Technically, it is not really fair on his kids not to pay.

The ex wife has been given a very reasonable way out by the OP and her ex husband. She can use her WORDS to apologise for the WORDS she said to intentionally hurt and distress the OP and safeguard her children's finances. If she refuses to do that out of some demented pride and rage then she is responsible for any reduction in lifestyle and necessities her children need.

fatdogs so you would allow the children to suffer should she refuse?

I am in no way condoning what she said, but withholding the maintenance takes it out on the children.

I am sorry but a verbal apology which is forced under the threat of financial deprevation is something abusers do.
Its a power trip.

@cherish123 I really wish you would do some research before posting such "information". Child Maintainemce is calculated using the non resident parent's income solely and their spouse's income is NOT considered at all. The non resident parent's payments will decrease however if he has a child/children with his new partner and this will happen regardless of what the spouse's/partner's income is.

Verbally abusing others and tantrumming is also abusive and a power trip. It basically says you have to take my rage and my hurtful words because my feelings and my anger matters more. There is a reason it is called verbal abuse.

What the mother said has nothing to do with support for the children though. Anyone claiming it does is saying that providing for children is ultimately the responsibility of the resident parent (usually mother), and any money given by the NRP is doing them a favour which can be withheld if she doesn't toe the line. No wonder so many men get away without paying maintenance when there is a whole chorus of women backing them up, and new partners openly admitting they couldn't give a toss about their partner's kids.

Given the fact the the exes childrens way of life was threatned I don't think a verbal attack can be put in the same category as knowingly depriving children of the basics.

No harm will come to the OPs child because of what the ex SAID but real actual harm could happen to 2 children because of the OPs need for revenge.

So youre OH will be making massive financial contributions to your household (by covering childcare) but he's not going to contribute anything to his other children? That's just fucking nasty, she was nasty too, you're all nasty, and the children, your unborn child's siblings, are going to suffer, not just in terms of the actual money, but in terms of what a contribution from their father represents - he will essentially stop supporting them to support his new child - that's AWEFUL!

Legally, he can give zero, but that doesn't make it morally okay

How he treats his first family now is how he will treat you and your DC in the future!

If I was your OH, I would point out what a huge financial contribution to the household being a SAHD is, and as such, he has a right to use some household money to contribute to his other children!

Maybe in the OP's case her dp can go for 50:50 residency / custody then no maintenance would need to be paid anyway

No court in the land would make an order for a 12 and 15 year old against their wishes. I hardly think it likely that they will want to spend half their time in a household where their very exipistence has been reduced to nothing other than a financial transaction, do you?

While I do not condone her words, I think her instinct to lash out is entirely understandable in the circumstances

Your OH is essentially ditching his parenting of his other DCs for this new one

She is a mother and she is hurting for what that means to/for her children!

You seriously cannot be happy to be having a child with someone who would do this? he is NOT behaving like desirable father material right now! Give yourselves a shake!

While I'm not absolutely sure about the legalities I'd assume if he is a stay at home patent, therefore not earning a salary then he surely cannot be expected to give his ex wife CM as he will have no income. And it's not for you to do so, they are his children not yours (from a legal point of view).
You have to do what is best for you and your family. If your husband was the type of lazy git who chose to not work cos he can't be arsed or dokey to prevent him paying for his kids then it would be different. But being a stay at home dad is a perfectly acceptable choice, means baby is in excellent care 24/7, as a family you don't have childcare nightmares to deal with etc but one of you is still earning and the bills are being paid.
Also OP ignore those naysayers you have to do what is best for your family and having a stay at home patent if you can is great for babies/children.

i don't think that the Op should bail her dp out of he chooses not to support his dc from his first marriage. yes, this makes him a bit of a deadbeat, but OP shouldn't have to pay for it. She will have her own dc to support and that should be her main concern

Not much of a partnership, is it? Why would you want to be with a deadbeat? The issue with this is not that the OP is in someway being abused herself, but rather she is complicit in the abuse of her step children (and it is abuse).

Of course it is morally wrong for the OP's DH not to support his children. Unfortunately he is unemployed. If he decides to be a SAHD and shirk his financial responsibilities to his children, that's his lookout and his reckoning will come if he deserves it. But ex wife is now wanting money and that is at the discretion and courtesy of the OP who has no legal obligation to ex wife or her children. Like I said previously, you could argue that OP has a moral obligation but to me that has dissappreared when ex wife decided to act in such an uncivilized fashion. It's not so much wishing her a miscarriage that is outrageous, it wishing one when she KNOWS the OP has a previous stillbirth. Unforgivable.

Maybe the partner can get a job in the evening or weekends to cover the cost of maintaining his children. I know he'll be tired after caring for his baby but it could be partimish and show he's responsible.

Also OP ignore those naysayers you have to do what is best for your family and having a stay at home patent if you can is great for babies/children

Fuck what might be best for her partner's existing children? They have a mother after all. She can provide everything.

Jesus fucking wept.,

yes, this makes him a bit of a deadbeat, but OP shouldn't have to pay for it

In a SAHP situation in a partnership, the earning parents income is shared - so her income will be half her OHs, so, some of that SHOULD be used to contribute to his existing kids

The OP will gain enormous benefit (and other benefits not quantified by money) by having a SAHD contributing and saving household money. Some of those savings should be earmarked as maintenance for his other children, the OPs sibling, fuck me can't believe this is even a discussion

"the OPs child's sibling"

But depeiving children of the basics just so you dont have to pay child care is perfectly reasonable?

I hope the ex does not bow down to the abuse of her children. I also hope you never have to ask dead beat dad for cm to enable you to care for your child.
The position youboth have put the ex and her children is unforgivable.