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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want a photo of my new baby niece

96 replies

WaxyBean · 22/05/2017 07:46

DB and DSIL had their first child yesterday morning. I have heard via DM that all went well and mum and baby are fine. I sent a congratulatory message as soon as I heard, and had sent presents out with DSIL in advance.

I am now desperate for a photo of my new niece. I won't get to meet her for at least six weeks as she was born abroad where DSIL is from. As background DB met my DS1 in hospital when he was less than 12 hours old, and sent a photo of DS2 within 12 hours too as DB was abroad.

I know IABU really as there should be no expectations on new parents to do anything and I don't know what else is going on, but I am really hoping to see a photo soon.

AIBU to be feeling this way?

OP posts:

LittleMissCantbebothered · 22/05/2017 07:47

Maybe ask for one? They aren't mind readers.

Original poster

WaxyBean · 22/05/2017 07:48

And how long till I send an explicit request for a photo? I have hinted (looking forward to seeing photos). Is 36 hours too soon?

OP posts:

FallenSky · 22/05/2017 07:48

Have you asked for one?

Nocabbageinmyeye · 22/05/2017 07:48

Have you asked for a photo?

"Oi DB, I know your busy and all but any chance of a pic of the latest addition to the family?"

EdmundCleverClogs · 22/05/2017 07:49

Sorry but yabu right now. They've just had the baby, for some the first few days are a blur of madness (and often going into your own little world where nothing matters but the baby). Give them a chance! And congratulations on your new niece.

wakkapaca · 22/05/2017 07:51

Just because you were happy with your db seeing your baby so soon doesn't mean your sil will feel the same. Maybe her own parents haven't seen the baby yet? Maybe they just want time to themselves or they want to keep those first photos private? Everyone is different when my dd was born within an hour I had my dad and mil at my bedside and I really do wish I had kept it to me and dp had to send loads of photos and mil kept shoving her phone in my dds face and sending pics to every man in their dog if I had another baby I won't be sending pics or inviting anyone to the hospital.

Relax you will get to see the baby in their time.

Fruitcocktail6 · 22/05/2017 07:52

Yabu! Give them a bloody break they've just had a baby, you are not their priority right now

PeetingPan · 22/05/2017 07:52

Just text and say "morning! Hope everyone is well and didn't keep up all night. Would love to see a photo if you get a chance to send one x"

Is she still in hospital? They may not have much of a phone signal.

BelfastSmile · 22/05/2017 07:54

I'd just message and say "How's everyone today? I wanna see photos! Send me photos!" or whatever would sound jokey (depends how you and your DB usually talk to each other). That way they realise you'd like photos but it's not really a demand.

As I said, though, it depends how you and your brother normally talk to each other - some people would find this rude.

44PumpLane · 22/05/2017 07:55

YABU! You have no idea what's happening.

We sent out the "all doing well" messages to family that got passed about extended family, then I massively hemmoraged and ended up in critical condition and in intensive care for several days.

You'll get pics soon, for now just leave them be.

NatureIsAWhore · 22/05/2017 07:56

Maybe she doesn't have a camera phone?

jarhead123 · 22/05/2017 07:57

I really hate all this 'first few days is a blur, you're not their priority etc'

They aren't the first people to have a baby, it takes seconds to think about someone else and not just yourself. Sending a quick photo means a lot to family members, everyone has time for that.

Jellybean85 · 22/05/2017 08:00

Erm yes 36 hours is too soon!! Although they're doing well overall you don't know how the birth was. Maybe she tore and needed stitches, maybe baby is poorly or hasn't managed to latch yet. They may still have said "doing well" as In nothing seriously wrong.
Just imagine though that she's laying there, in all the post birth pain with the adrenaline wearing thin. Struggling to get baby to feed and exhausted. Now imagine how high sending you a picture is on her list of priorities.
It's lovely that you're so invested but yes. 36 hours is too soon to pressure them for a picture, give it a few days and keep sending supportive no pressure messages letting them know you're sending good thoughts

EdmundCleverClogs · 22/05/2017 08:07

jarhead123, I really hate the 'you're not the first people to have a baby line' - you have no idea what's going on in the first 24-36 hours! I'm sure plenty of pictures will be forthcoming, but for some reason they haven't got around to it yet. What happened to cutting new parents a little bit of slack? It's only been a few hours, for goodness sake, not like the child is being hidden away like a new member of royalty.

DancingLedge · 22/05/2017 08:08

jarhead12okay, I'm being picky, but you did choose to use the word 'everybody'. No, everybody doesn't have time for that. Some have horrendous labour experiences, some have not slept for a couple of nights. Some are more concerned about whether the baby is going to survive. Living from minute to minute with Drs, procedures, tests.

Some are just, quite rightly, prioritising themselves.

HeddaGarbled · 22/05/2017 08:09

Yes, you are being unreasonable. You can wait.

BertieBotts · 22/05/2017 08:10

Who doesn't have a camera phone these days? I expect someone close to them does. However they might be lacking data or may have poor signal in hospital.

That said it's totally their choice. Perhaps there is some kind of problem they don't feel comfortable sharing with everyone yet. I don't think you are owed photos. Most new parents are besotted with their arrival and can't wait to send pics out so I think you should wait, it's not like they're never going to let you see the baby.

I think it's pretty entitled to expect a photo or think of it as selfishness that they haven't sent one! It's only because of modern technology that this is even possible. Even 8 years ago when DS was born we were limited as to what we could send, just a teeny picture message.

Mrsknackered · 22/05/2017 08:10

Can't hurt to ask. I don't think I sent any out for a little while, that was DP's job.

Ceto · 22/05/2017 08:10

Face it, the baby will look like every other newborn baby. Maybe have a look at the pictures of your own when they were new?

RechargableCattery · 22/05/2017 08:11

Stop pestering them, its not about you. If this is your general attitude I could imagine them holding back, I would in the same position

frustratedddd · 22/05/2017 08:12

YANBU (if all went well and there have been no complications with mother or baby)

You will get some people saying YABU they might want to keep baby to themselves, want first photos kept private, not have time, too busy etc etc...
These days it takes 1 minute to send a group text/email with a photo.

Once both sets of grandparents had met my daughter (the day she was born, a few hours later at visiting time) My husband sent a text with a photo and brief message. Just to close family and friends who we knew would be waiting to see. Then after a few days had passed and those closest had met her I didn't mind the odd photo being shared on social media.

It does come across a little precious to deliberately not send a photo, though it genuinely could be that they haven't thought to, lack of signal, or something more is going on that they haven't told anyone.

Scoobydoobydont · 22/05/2017 08:14

Some kids are proper ugly when first born and people would rather wait for their heads to straighten out, swelling go down etc before sending photos out.

My eldest had a horrible delivery and we have since got rid of the photos from first day as to be honest no one wants to be reminded how grim it was for all concerned

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 22/05/2017 08:16

Blimey why? They all either look like winston Churchill or scrawney monkeys? Desperate for a photo? Catch yourself on op and cut the drama and them some slack.

wakkapaca · 22/05/2017 08:16

Scooby lol!!!!

Chloe84 · 22/05/2017 08:16

That's a bit mean Rechargable

Hinting by texting 'looking forward to seeing photos' is hardly 'pestering'. You have no idea they are 'holding back' because of OP's attitude.

OP, if you didn't express an interest, you'd probably get told you're being mean not to show an interest in your niece. I would definitely ask for a pic.

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