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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want a photo of my new baby niece

96 replies

WaxyBean · 22/05/2017 07:46

DB and DSIL had their first child yesterday morning. I have heard via DM that all went well and mum and baby are fine. I sent a congratulatory message as soon as I heard, and had sent presents out with DSIL in advance.

I am now desperate for a photo of my new niece. I won't get to meet her for at least six weeks as she was born abroad where DSIL is from. As background DB met my DS1 in hospital when he was less than 12 hours old, and sent a photo of DS2 within 12 hours too as DB was abroad.

I know IABU really as there should be no expectations on new parents to do anything and I don't know what else is going on, but I am really hoping to see a photo soon.

AIBU to be feeling this way?

OP posts:

DesignedForLife · 22/05/2017 12:26

Oh, and in the madness following DS's birth we flat forgot to tell BIL & SIL what we'd called him, but told my brother twice instead. They weren't very understanding at that point, but later understood just how dangerous a situation we'd been in, easy to forget things. Just text and ask "any chance for a pic?"

milliemolliemou · 22/05/2017 12:33

@design. It wasn't such a big thing in those days. I had my small family visit but no uncles, aunts, etc - I don't think people were so interested in immediate meetings, photos etc. I think DM told her DF after a couple of days but he didn't need/want a photo. My DH took a few photos but we didn't develop them for months. Friends sent flowers and saw DC when it happened. If my DC has a baby I'll be happy to find out it's okay and she's okay - that'll be it.

Doowappydoo · 22/05/2017 12:42

I think it might be significant that they have put an announcement but no photos on Facebook. Maybe they don't want pictures of the baby on social media before close family meet her, maybe they don't want pictures on social media at all or maybe they don't have any photos they like yet?

Either way I don't think not sending a photo is either selfish or symptomatic of a pull up the drawbridge mentality (and I say that as someone who really doesn't understand the restrict all visitors for the first few weeks approach)

Wonderflonium · 22/05/2017 12:42

text them "pix or it didn't happen"

cheeeekyavocado · 22/05/2017 12:55

I wonder how on earth people coped with the wait before digital cameras, you know, when you had to walk to a shop with a film, wait for it to be developed, then post the thing to relatives.

That's how life was then. Now it's very different and thats what most people are used to.

MiddlingMum · 22/05/2017 12:57

This is the problem with instant photographs, everyone expects them to be instant. When my DC were born, DH had to take the time to go to Boots to get the film developed, choose the best photos, get multiple copies an hour later, put them in envelopes and post them. I don't think our relatives suffered by having to wait a few days

EdmundCleverClogs · 22/05/2017 13:04

Now it's very different and thats what most people are used to.

Yes, to the point that some have forgotten how to give some personal space as they expect things instantly. I'm surprised some haven't started bemoaning the fact that they weren't FaceTimed into their relative's labour/birth .

AyeAmarok · 22/05/2017 13:13

After my DS was born, my DH sent a text to family saying "baby born, blah blah blah, mum and baby doing well".

What "mum and baby doing well" actually meant was "both alive and will be ok", as I'd had a horrendous time with a massive PPH, baby needed a crash instrumental delivery and to be resuscitated, and I was awaiting a blood transfusion.

No doubt word then spread around the family that we were all fine. But "doing well" doesn't mean she had a straightforward time, it's just a platitude.

Osirus · 22/05/2017 13:14

When DD was born last year by EMCS my DP just messaged everyone "baby here, both fine". Didn't even tell anyone the sex (we didn't find out)! My poor family were so eager to know, but I didn't know this until months later. He told his family all the details but explained he wanted me to be the one to tell my family (he thought I wanted that privilege!). Anyway, I sent photos later that day, as soon as I felt well enough to. I couldn't wait for family to see her photo.

tigerskinrug · 22/05/2017 13:19

Whatser I think that is very reasonable. Giving time for the new family (esp when there is a sibling) is completely normal and expected. It was the 28 hour wait that DB to formally announce the birth and the name seemed very precious, seeing as they had had the name picked since 20 weeks prior.

How did people manage before digital cameras

They all just piled into the hospital at visiting time, which is what happened when I had my first. By the time I had my last 10 years later I was able to send the announcement, picture etc on whatsapp and extended family sent their congratulations that way. It was much easier IMO.

You can't win anyway, if you aren't eager enough you are accused of not caring and if you show willing you are interfering and over stepping boundaries. I loved the way my first was welcomed into the family so eagerly by my extended family the poor last dc barely got a card.

twistyturnythings · 22/05/2017 13:19

They all either look like winston Churchill or scrawney monkeys?

When I was still in the delivery room on the phone to my mum, when she asked who my son looked like I replied Winston Churchill. Fuck knows what the midwife thought of me.

NatureIsAWhore · 23/05/2017 12:40

bertie I don't have a camera phone. I have a crappy nokia as the battery lasts forever!
I took loads of pics of my ds when born but had to wait until I got home 10 days later to put on comp and email to people.

NatureIsAWhore · 23/05/2017 12:51

edmund you're right, people have forgotten how to be patient due to everything being instant nowadays

Namechangearoo · 23/05/2017 13:06

I'm pregnant now and this thread makes me cringe. Not really the OP since she's obviously just excited and has only sent one (possibly now two) messages, but from all the other super harsh opinions on how "PFB"/posh/ridiculous parents are being by not immediately sending out photos to everyone!

My own family is tiny but DH seems to be related to everyone in our city (and that's just the close family - without all the cousins and second cousins). I'm not planning on sending out 42 messages the minute my child pops into the world - and if anyone hassles me or calls me PFB I'll be quite happy to tell them to bugger off.

Chloe84 · 23/05/2017 13:14

I'm pregnant now and this thread makes me cringe. Not really the OP since she's obviously just excited and has only sent one (possibly now two) messages, but from all the other super harsh opinions

Can you point to some of these 'super harsh opinions' that are making you cringe? I don't see any.

nosleepforme · 23/05/2017 13:47

uuum are you joking! YABU. i live far from family and don't like my sil even though she is obsessed with me and hubby. when i will be giving birth, i can imagine her being exactly like you. why do you think you have a right to a picture, it is not your child. if and when they are ready to send a pic, they will. until then, leave her alone! the last thing a new mother needs is some self entitled woman thinking she has the rights to her and her child's privacy. (more taking it out on sil than you, sorry!) when my sil asks for pic after birth, i will not be sending one. i would tell her to wait until we go back to where fam live (about 5 weeks later). besides, what on earth do you need the pic for?

MrsPeelyWaly · 23/05/2017 16:11

I'm not planning on sending out 42 messages the minute my child pops into the world

You seem prone to exaggeration. There's absolutely no need to send 42 messages. One to each side of the family would be sufficient with the person receiving the message then forwarding it on to others.

Butteredparsnip1ps · 23/05/2017 16:21

They'll send photos when they're ready.

A message via a third party saying everything went well sometimes misses a few details. ..

I hope everything is actually OK OP

ScarlettFreestone · 23/05/2017 16:24

I agree with pp. "Mother and Baby fine" doesn't actually mean anything.

The "Mother and Babies fine" went out to my family too. It means "alive and don't worry". I wasn't fine to be honest.

The babies were well but I was recovering from a difficult labour, c-section, post op issues and trying to establish breast feeding with two babies.

We did take pictures and we did have visitor space and I did put a brave face on it.

You don't know what they are dealing with. I'm sure you'll get a picture, give them a chance.

milliemolliemou · 23/05/2017 17:05

Why all the immediacy? why can't people just wait? Wonderful to be enthusiastic about another child coming into the family, but people seem to need it NOW: photos, visits, updates etc. Fine if the parents are keen to do it - otherwise just lay off.

Namechangearoo · 25/05/2017 21:57

chloe personally I find "They aren't the first people to have a baby, it takes seconds to think about someone else and not just yourself" as well as calling people precious/PFB and accusing them of building a moat when in reality their entire world has just changed and they might just want a bit of time to themselves is pretty harsh?!

MrsPeelyWally I see that being a recipe for disaster (although maybe that's just DH's family ) - I guarantee someone would be left out and would be furious... also - part of the joy is announcing the birth! I want to do that myself - but in my own time. I won't be sending out photos immediately but I do want to be the one who does it. I hope people would be happy to wait a couple of days if I need it. I really don't think that's too much to ask...

Our baby is primarily mine and my husband's. It's lovely that people want to share, but at least let new parents have a minute to catch their breath before sending out photos!! I'm not talking weeks, I'm literally talking 72 hours until we're home (unless there are other complications). Wanting to share the joy is great but feeling like you have some sort of right to photos and if you don't get them, the parents are selfish or PFB is a bit shit.

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