That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

[poopsqueak]

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

I don't think it's a generational thing. I'm a similar age and wouldn't wear a solid black dress to a wedding and noone in my family would.

Maybe SIL never thought that guests would wear black or navy and has just got wind of it so is now franticly ringing round asking you to change your outfits.

4 of my best friends wore black to my wedding (don't think it was planned, or trying to tell me something). I thought nothing of it on the day and only noticed in a picture of us all together. They looked fab. Wear what you are comfortable in, and what you've spent a fortune on already!

Bridezilla is presumably worried about "what people might think" about the photographs.

FFS.

FWIE I wouldn't wear plain black to a wedding, but would add a bright wrap or something.

Your choice though. Silly mare.

*FWIW FFS

I had the opposite, dbro's wedding I took 3 dresses two coloured and 1 black with white spots, very plain.
I choose them because I was accused of never wearing colours and felt I suited them, my sil to-be actually came into my room the day before the wedding and said I would be better in the black as no one else was doing colour and I'd stand out like a sore toe.
Yup you guessed it, on the day I was the only one in black and everyone was told it was me trying to make a statement
Luckily I'm know for bluntness not rudeness

I agree black isn't the obvious choice for a wedding, but equally I can't for the life of me see why it matters or affects the bride at all. Why does she care if OP stands out or fades into the background? It's not like OP's dress is a slinky little sexy attention-seeking number, it's a summery wedding-y dress, it's just black.

Hmmm. I know the OP is being all innocent face about this, but I think it's very interesting that both she and her mother were intending on wearing dark funereal colours to the wedding and that the bride had a feeling she needed to check if that was what they were doing.

I reckon from the brides point of view we would head a very different version of this story.

At the very minimum, even if it's not the intention, anybody who looked at her wedding photos ever in the future would think that the grooms family highly disapproved of the marriage. And I think plenty of the guests on the day would too.

Wearing dark colours at a wedding is fine if you're just a normal guest. If you're a close relative it's a bit eyebrow raising. For the grooms closest female relatives to both wear them would appear to be a deliberate snub.

RedGrapeCornSnake snap my MIL wore all black, not a hint of colour, black dress, jacket, hat, gloves, bag and shoes. I think she thought she was being clever but she got laughed at. Didn't bother me to be honest.

Strikhedonia yo would look as if you were sponsored by Homebase 😂😂😂

Nice dress.

But not wedding appropriate. Especially not for the groom's sister.

Summer and winter colours?
Why are women expected to accessorise with pink shawls?
Bollocks to that.

Who cares what a guest wears to a wedding as long as it's of appropriate smartness of style for the occasion Personally I like colour and find black quite heavy, but that's my own taste and lots of other people feel more comfortable in dark, plain colours. Even at funerals, it's increasingly popular for people to request themes of colours/ clothing, so black isn't necessarily a colour of mourning any more.

If the bride was wanting to be precious over guests clothing, she should have put her request in at the invitation stage, not two weeks to go when most outfits are purchased.

Some
But black isn't really appropriate for the occasion.

But I agree, 2 weeks in advance is ridiculous.

Black ? Funeral attire. Do you not like your brother or future SIL?

I completely agree you shouldn't tell people what to wear and esp not so close to the wedding - maniac.

That said, looking at your dress I personally think another dress would be better. It's not so much about colour. I am not a big wedding person and I don't really care about black though agree with others if all black and not broken up with other colours it looks bit silly. someone at ours wore all black shoes, dress, jacket and hat with dark glasses (it was v sunny and hot) and looked very funereal and stuck out as bit odd. I wouldn't wear your dress to the full day as it's a formal occasion and I don't equate that with bare tummy etc but that's my own view. I'm early 30s if it helps 😀. If anything, it seems to me it's more approp for evening only. As sister of the groom, I'd err towards extra formal more than if I was just a friend. It's hard to see how you'd accessorise that dress with other colours as it's already pretty busy: lace, sheer bits, unusual sleeves. Adding things might just make it look messy?

Lols I seem to think I'm sort of fashion expert. You know the venue and the guests so you'll know I feel dress style is approp

Eee bill Sykes dog you have it totally wrong 😂 I have never heard of that rule and neither has my mum. In fact I went for my choice for the opposite reason- it was plain and neutral and not too far away from my usual colour palette.

Literally nothing sinister in it from me. Cousin has just text me asking what the crack is. Groomsmen are wearing black as well?

If I saw someone wearing black to a wedding I'd assume they were against the marriage & trying to make some sort of passive aggressive statement.

Bearing in mind what people call "navy" can span from nearly black to obviously quite blue I really really don't get the issue with navy

I don't see how anyone could construe these, for example, as saying anything about the wedding or as being remotely funeral attire.

So would it be presumed that all the blokes wearing shades of grey, black and navy are making some kind of snub as well?

Good grief. I am in my 50s and I have never heard that you can't wear black to a wedding. White yes, but not black. Surely B&G will not even notice what anyone else is wearing!

Interesting BillSykes - could be some truth to that but I don't think we have enough info to go on, only OP can know.

I do think we're surely past the point now where wearing black = disapproving of the marriage, aren't we? Much like no one much bothers with hats at weddings any more. The men will all be wearing dark suits I presume! But I guess different people have different views.

So let me guess, groomsmen are in black, probably with a pastel tie and maybe a pastel waistcoat but that's fine. But if op wore a black dress with coloured shoes/accessories/cardi/shawl - i.e. more colour than the groomsmen - she's making a statement. How is that NOT sexist?

Yep wear the dress.

I wouldn't dream of wearing black to a wedding. DH's two sisters wore black to our wedding & I was really surprised - I thought they were making a point, and wondered why they had come so far if they felt that way (they're American, and I later found out that apparently black is acceptable at weddings there..?).

Not knowing is no excuse for bad manners unless you're from a different culture, and even then you should check. If you know that the bride takes it quite seriously that black is unacceptable for weddings, and still wear a black dress, then that's up to you, of course, but you definitely now KNOW that you are sending a clear message.

Also, who are these men wearing black suits to weddings? The same rule totally applies.

Objectively speaking though, the dress is absolutely gorgeous.

So long as people have actual clothes on who gives a fuck?

What is wrong with people getting married these days? Dictating the clothes that the guests wear. You are only getting married. Get a grip.
If I had a phone call telling me to wear pastels then I'd be doubly sure to turn up in black or acid lime. Who the hell thinks they can dictate what I wear?

As for the not wearing black thing, I do see that some people wouldn't want to do it but that isn't why the DB called. They didn't know the op was wearing black until after the call.