That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

[poopsqueak]

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

Statistically

Imo it's fine if she actually wears the (pastel?) cardi/shawl for the photos.

No way on earth would I ever wear pastels. If that was the expectation, I wouldn't be going to the wedding.

OP, if the theme is pastels and you generally wear plain/black/darks/neutrals then perhaps SleepFreeZone's first pic of the black accessorized dress might be a compromise?

And as for people saying they would be upset if someone came to their wedding in black - get a grip. Does it make you less married? When you are old and celebrating your golden wedding will you say 'oh it's been a wonderful 50 years but it would have been even better if your sister hadn't worn a black dress.'

I went to a wedding and the bridesmaids were all in black. It ended badly so don't know if the bride had a premonition.

Tell him that you will change the dress then nip to a local charity shop and buy yourself the most awful wedding dress you can find and wear that. When you arrive they will be so shocked that they won't bat an eyelid at your little black number 😈

The photos of Pippa's wedding are out.

Princess Eugenie is wearing dark navy, in fact a dress similar on the shoulder to what the OP proposes to wear. Another guest is wearing a black jacket with black tights (colourful skirt).

How can it be that people wear this stuff to Pippa's wedding, but 'everyone knows' that it's bad form to wear black/navy?!

What did you actually say to your brother when he asked you to wear something else OP? Did you say you would?

I know someone who wore a black dress to her own wedding. Wonder if that means she was objecting to it then?

I know someone who wore a black dress to her own wedding. Wonder if that means she was objecting to it then?

Yes since the call I have said I will wear pastel accessories hat and shoes etc. And a shawl.

I think Eugenie's looks a bit gloomy tbh.

Accessories! Floaty scarf, hat, bag, shoes and you'll be right.

Hope it's a very well cut black dress for £150. It's not something I'd spend that much on.

The photos of Pippa's wedding are out.

I just had a look - what on earth are the page boys wearing?? Those trousers! (Sorry to go off topic)

Tell them to sod off. They're clearly proletariat scum as they don't know dressing in black is fine . After all what's good enough for Pippa is good enough for them. Or perhaps their wedding is costing more than £300k.

OP & KRG. As you well know I'm sure, cultural signifiers around men and women's dress are different. Culturally, men wearing dark colours sends out no message to those seeing them. Traditionally wearing black or dark colours does when worn by a woman at a wedding. This has relaxed a lot, but not enough to include multiple immediate relatives. I suppose you could argue that it's making some sort of point about inequality and the different expectations between men and women's dress. But IMO even if that was the intention doing it at your DB's wedding where you knew it would upset the bride would make you a bit of a nob.

I find it really hard to believe that someone could get to 29 without hearing about black at weddings if they lived in the U.K. A parent/close relative wearing black at a wedding to show disapproval is one of the most pervasive cultural memes we have around weddings.

You might not like Eugenie's dress, but I think the fact she has on a dark navy dress shows that it isn't social death to wear one as many people on this thread have claimed.

A parent/close relative wearing black at a wedding to show disapproval is one of the most pervasive cultural memes we have around weddings

I never heard of this before I came on MN. I have been to approximately 12 odd weddings in the last decade, never heard of it, never thought about it, and most of the weddings had at least one person wearing a black/navy dress!

Well precisely BillSykesDog. Sexist nonsense that shouldn't be given any credence in this day and age

Wear it.

I find it really hard to believe that someone could get to 29 without hearing about black at weddings if they lived in the U.K.

I am sadly older than that, and I had never heard of that either. It seems that the local Royal Family hasn't heard about it either.

I am very far from a fashion guru, and I was on the black is fine camp....until I saw the dress.
In my brutally honest (and very unfashionable) opinion, it is very Morticia Adams, no happy wedding vibes at all.

And no, I think trying to dictate what other adults wear, makes you a bit of a knob

Four

I personally think there's a difference between navy and black...

Navy? Sure. Black? No...

I happen to look awful in most pastels. So I usually wear blue or green (more of a mossy or a forest green, I suppose) to weddings.

It is a shame the dress is black. Black is definitely for funerals, or for sending out a strong message at a wedding that there is something serious to mourn about, lik someone making a huge mistake... Pretending it is navy and wearing bright accessories with it might enable you to get away with it - although, again, it is a shame this particular bride actually does worry about this sort of thing, as most people know that black is not a normal colour for a wedding, so it is (accidentally in your case) making a pretty strong statement of one sort or another!