That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

[poopsqueak]

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

I agree with not wearing black to a wedding. Of all colours why pick black when it's controversial?

However OP that dress is absolutely gorgeous. I'd love to know her it's from.

I think the word 'guest' should be changed to 'puppet' or 'invited hostage'.

I've worn black to 2 weddings. I think it's fine so long as it's not black jacket and tights too as that would look like funeral attire. It's what you wear it with.

People wear black for the same reasons they wear black to other occasions, it's slimming, chic and goes with things they already have. I wore a black, sleeveless shift dress with a dull gold fascinator thing and gold high heels and bag. I got lots of compliments and I don't usually wear gold fascinators to funerals!

Of all colours why pick black when it's controversial?

because it's not exactly common knowledge that it is controversial!

I do find it puzzling that some people expect guests to buy a new outfit for a wedding, and to buy a special one that is. Many women only wear black dresses, because they feel more confident and better in them. Expecting them to buy a garish outfit that they'll wear once, when wearing navy or back is perfectly fine! I mean even the Royals do it!, expecting them to spend money on clothes is unkind, entitled?

The white/no veil rule is a thing though.

Hope none of the make guests are wearing black suits!!!!

male!

It is unusual to wear black to a wedding.

It's really cheeky to ask you to change but I am sort of understand a little bit if they know you wanted to wear a black dress.
If it was my wedding I would probably think it strange you were wearing black but I wouldn't bother to say anything and wouldn't dream of asking you to buy a new outfit.

Your dress is gorgeous but I would say not the most suitable outfit for a wedding, particularly a summer wedding.

Maybe soften it up with some pink accessories.

Get on ASOS. Find a suitable dress for £40. Sell black dress on eBay - unworn and was £150 new, should get more than £40 for it. If you're upset about the original expense, look up sunken costs fallacy.

Don't approve of the wedding? Don't go, or go and play nice. Going but in a lacy black dress against the wishes of those getting married is just rude.

Oh and you don't know for sure this is all coming from the bride. Maybe the groom suddenly clicked his family were planning to look funereal so phoned you. Men do care about weddings too.

So sexist that men are 'allowed' but women aren't. Come on it's 2017 !!!!!

Strik nobody EXPECTS women to buy a new outfit for a wedding. Many do...mainly because they like doing that.

I've worn the SAME Coat dress to three weddings now and my friend has also worn it to other weddings.

Coast dress. Not coat dress.

Is it like this black dress?

Very true, are all the guys being accused of disapproving when they'll be wearing black, navy or grey in most cases? Nope. It's just women who get thoughts and emotions attributed to us based on our choice of clothing.

That groom is so funereal though don't you think?

nobody EXPECTS women to buy a new outfit for a wedding.

User, you must have missed a thread when some posters were outraged that some guest did not do just that .

Giddyaunt it's not a sexist thing (sorry to disappoint!), it's not the done thing for men to wear black either.

Women often get slated for wearing the same dress to multiple weddings, especially if other guests (or the bride and groom) will have been at both.

Nobody pulls a bloke up for wearing the same suit to every wedding and funeral for 10 years though

I think the dress if fine. I wore a balck lace shift dress to my sister's wedding and no one batted an eyelid. Mind you , someone else wore a pair of denim cut offs so not really a very traditonal wedding!

I think navy is fine for a wedding, particularly with bright accessories. Black in a multi-coloured dress is also fine. Certain black dresses (generally fairly close fitting and reasonably short so not too much material iykwim) are fine if accessorised brightly.

However, I would definitely do a double take if I saw someone wearing the dress you posted at a summer wedding. It's an awful lot of black and you would be hard pushed to accessorise in a way that would reduce that enough.

The day there are more than 150 comments on whether a man in a black suit, as opposed to a blue, grey or cream one, is disrespectful never mind expected to change it two weeks prior, is the day I'll pay attention.

Until then, unless specified on the invite when I can choose whether I want to be bound by ridiculous dress codes, I'd say they are BU and you should wear your dress.

I would be so tempted to put my DH in this, and buy a dress like that for me. As a couple, we would look fabulous.

I didn't care about people wearing black to weddings (and SIL did ask before our wedding if I minded her wearing black) but at other SIL's wedding a lot of people wore black and the group wedding photos didn't look great at all, just a sea of black.

I'm guessing this is what they are worried about here if they have heard both you and your Mum are wearing dark colours. If you can add some colourful accessories I would - you only get married once after all and they just want it to be nice.

Perhaps you could add a lovely shawl and shoes. Pink would match your mum but lime green would certainly stop you fading into the background.

When BIL got married, he rang DH the day before and told him that the theme was black suits , white shirts, and a particular coloured tie for men in the family - we were somewhat taken aback by the diktat, and especially the very late notice. (DH told him it was a bit late for that and wore what he'd already packed).