That you don't ask guests to change their wedding outfit?

[poopsqueak]

Got a phone call this morning from my brother (sheepishly) asking what I was wearing to his wedding.

I told him 'black dress' and asked why and he said his wife to be is worried ill either 'stand out' or 'fade into the background' and could I change it?

The wedding is in 2 weeks, I've had the dress for 2 months (no return period) and my mum (mother of the groom) has had the same call. My mum just said yes though. She had a navy pant suit that she had bought and went out and bought another pink dress to be more in theme.

I don't have an official part of the wedding though so i don't think I am messing up a theme. Also I got the dress as it was neutral and made me feel good. It was also £150 and I just can't afford another one.

What should I do?

Colour schemes are usually top secret though surely. I've never heard a bride tell someone in advance what colour their bridesmaids would be wearing or what flowers they're having.

Colour schemes are often indicated in the invitations, by envelope or print colour, or in general conversation in the lead up to the wedding, I've never heard of one being secret.

I've never come across that!

But still I'd ask before spunking £150, unless you could easily afford to replace.

£150 on a dress makes me want to have a lie down though, maybe I'm just not classy enough for all these 'black is fine and so modern' weddings

Maybe it's one of those regional differences or something but I've never known in advance of a wedding what the colour scheme would be. I used a little trim on my wedding invitations that was in the same colour as the bridesmaids dress and had people tell me how weird it was that I didn't mind people knowing. Asking someone what their colour scheme is going be would be a social faux pas of the sort that would cause the room to fall silent. I'm a bit of a sentimental sort and have got a box with all the invitations for the weddings I've been to. About 95% of them are white and silver. The other ones that have colour on them didn't match the colour of the dresses.

Coulour schemes for weddings (guests) make me think the world is going to Hell in a handbasket

Sod the meaning of marriage

Just as long as it looks good in the photos

All style; no substance.

*colour

I'm old enough to be bemused by the whole concept of colour schemes for weddings. A shared colour/tone for flowers, bridesmaids' dresses and the like makes sense but first of all expecting guests to fall in line and then only disclosing the colour scheme after guests have done their shopping is, well, nuts.

Eh?

Why can't something serious be dressed up in a pretty package?

Serious = plain, whilst pretty and frilly = superficial, sounds a damn sight more sexist to me than don't wear a black dress to a wedding.

NotYoda - precisely!

Or possibly Maud the colour scheme was openly discussed in well in advance and the penny has only just dropped for the B&G that his family have totally ignored it. Who knows.

Exactly wise Yoda
OP...Wear your dress proudly.

I'd also like to question this idea that "White or cream will upstage the bride"

Not to be too puritanical, but what is this 'stage' of which you speak?

If you accept the bride is the star of this 'show' then you'd have to go the full Liz Hurley to have people looking more at you than the bride, let alone thinking you look better than the bride

I've always found people are happy to chat about bridesmaid dresses, show pictures etc, I remember having a scrap of bridesmaid dress fabric in my purse to show people, same as you chat about the venue, hymns whatever. Never a hint of it being a faux-pas. I don't keep invitations long term but certainly the last few I've had have been colour matched to the bridesmaids.

As far as I know:

All-white? No. Partially white? Yes. Cream? Sure (unless it's very bridal. Full skirt, lace etc...)
All-black? No. Partially black? Yes.

Revealing clothes? No. Especially not for a church service.

I didn't know the colour of the bridesmaid's dresses (or the colour scheme in general) is supposed to be a secret...

I guess FB/Instagram is to blame. Which is mayeb why this middle-aged grump is bemused by it

Married 20 years though

I think it's pretty rude to buy an outfit for a family wedding without enquiring about colour scheme tbh

Really? If a couple is sufficiently concerned as to want to impose a colour scheme requirement on their guests, then it should be politely pointed out on the invites. I think it's the height of rudeness to wait until a fortnight before the event and then demand that their guests comply with a particular colour scheme - given that the majority of people will have already sorted their outfits at that point. But then that kind of behaviour smacks of a couple who are more concerned about appearances than actually celebrating their day with friends and loved ones.

I have never in real life come across a couple asking the guests to comply with the colour scheme (been to 40 or so weddings over 35 years). It's normally just bridesmaids, flowers, invitations etc that are themed. Totally agree that partial black or white is fine, just not complete outfits in either. Also not too much flesh on show.

I think it's pretty rude to buy an outfit for a family wedding without enquiring about colour scheme tbh

😂

I have Whoknows - but only once. We politely declined the invite, on the basis that an invite to a wedding which specifies that you will not be allowed admittance unless you are wearing pink, is an event that I have no interest in attending. Nothing against pink, but I am buggered if I am going to spend hours hoofing up and down the high street to find the specified shade (yes really). I am also not remotely bothered about going to the wedding of someone who is so shallow and insta-obsessed to the point that it was more important to her what everyone was wearing than getting married itself. The marriage lasted 6 months BTW!

Hmm . If you care that much about what guests wear to your wedding then you should say so,clearly,at the point that you are issuing the invitations,if not before.
Actually I think it is deeply,deeply naff to care more about what people wear to your wedding than the fact that they are there sharing the event with you...

PaulDacre. Doesn't surprise me the marriage didn't last. The bride sounds as shallow as dog owners, who no longer want their dog because they don't match the colour of their new carpet.

She was a nice girl but very, very image obsessed - the kind of person who would spend ages photographing her food until it was cold by the time she came to eat it. Everything was insta'd and filtered and I think she'd expected her wedding to run along the same lines. Groom left her after 6 months.

I think it's pretty rude to buy an outfit for a family wedding without enquiring about colour scheme tbh.

Yes because the marriage will fail and the day will be ruined if you are wearing yellow rather than blue.

'Oh I can't possibly marry Paul now, Auntie Jean had turned up in the wrong shade of taupe. The whole day is ruined and my life will never be happy again.'

I think it's pretty rude to buy an outfit for a family wedding without enquiring about colour scheme tbh.

I only asked once... I was a bridesmaid/witness and there was no "official" bridesmaid dress.

(the response was: something with sleeves, not full-length and "blue", btw)